Be the change you want to see.

This year I've tripped, or misstepped and fallen to hands and knees at least twice. I credit my trainer Etty for the reflexes my body needed to be able to pull back and not *eat it* from falls like that... Both would have been a lot worse if I hadn't been strength training.

I also give myself credit, for showing up, being honest, doing the work, and for letting her teach me to be gentle with my own body. We work not past the pain but with the pain, allowing the pain to educate and to be the boundary holding the workout.

Last night we had dinner at friend's house and they have a saltwater pool (it's very luxe, DO RECOMMEND)

ALSO they have a jacuzzi with jets strong enough to do authentic massage.

It was my first time in a pool in over 2 years I think.

Took a leisurely swim and float, looking up at the stars, chatting with L, one of the daughters of the family, and then I did oopsy daisy over into the Jacuzzi from the pool and had the jets absolutely POUND my sore places in back and hips.

Today, the world is beautiful, and nothing hurts.

(I get to use this icon again)

Did you cry during the inauguration? I did, big shuddery breaths and all, and I've been doing it off and on all week.

Monday was a long effortful hike which my body needed badly.

Tuesday I got my Second Opinion with the Kaiser psychiatrist, and she said yes, I think you do have ADHD, and offered to try me on Strattera.

Wednesday we got up early enough to watch the Inauguration, and I cried a lot

Yesterday (Thursday) we had couple's therapy and I got to say a couple of things that have weighed on me my whole life. Jeff shared some things he said he would like to change, so there were lots of Feelings, and he kept me company while I had them.

Today's been cleaning up cat pee AND ALSO finding out I have a viral post on The Wellerman and the Worker's Songs folksong Tradition, so now I'm going out to find more good ones to add to the post.

Eventful goddamn week.

<3

as i observed to my trainer today on zoom:

really good sex?
is like REALLY good physical therapy.

my leg is stronger, my balance on that side much easier. it feels like some part of my leg that's always tightly wound has... unspooled a bit. relaxed.

like it rarely relaxes but it has now.

Even beyond my shit not hurting today, that was really good sex.

we're still working on our communication around it, but this is the most hopeful i've been about our sex life in years.

we're doing couples therapy, and it seems to really be working because we both have buy-in.

the sexiest thing?
he SHAVED for me. like it was a real date and all.

happy anniversary, love. sixteen more years please!

I tried something new yesterday, not consciously, but in the moment.
It was a foam core roller kind of day. And by that I mean that my muscles were tense and tight and not flexible, and it was adding pressure to my joints.
I spent 4 or 5 hours on Tuesday at the pottery studio, standing still on a concrete floor, or hunched over the pottery wheel. Lots of focus on the work and not so much on my body...
Standing on concrete floors kinda sucks. it tightens my leg, ass, and back muscles, and messes up my knees and feet and sometimes my hips.

So yesterday's workout using the foam core rollers to kind of lightly beat up my muscles and encourage them to relax and let go, was really really useful.
After we rolled our legs yesterday, Etty had me work again on holding plank on toes and elbows. I made it to thirty full seconds at toes and forearms! I figured out a subtle way of pushing my shoulders, somehow, up towards the crown of my head. Felt like I was, dunno, sliding but not-sliding my arms and clasped hands up that mat, and suddenly it was almost easy.

and then after working from forearms and toes, holding at forearms and knees felt EASY. I held maybe another whole minute after the shift.

Now then yesterday AFTER the workout, I was on concrete for hours again, this time doing art for Burning Man camp. And my feet and knees hurt again, I've been massaging into the bones of my feet and manipulating them to help them feel better, all morning. But I am doing things and going places with my bodywork, and ultimately I'm really really proud of my sticktoitiveness. =) Body feels strong. Even when it's stiff and sore, it feels strong.

Yay body, yay me, yay healthy habits.

My knee and inner thigh by the back of the leg felt super tender yesterday, which means that the Two Day Rule of workouts was in operation... If it hurts/is sore the day after, yeah, good workout. If it's sore TWO days after, you got into the deep part of the muscle, and this is where the structural rebuilding happens, or so I understand it.

So I took today off with Tal. I wanted to test this new range of motion and see whether the pain I've been feeling the last few weeks might have been sorted out for good.

It's um weird not to hurt? It's also still weird that I can look down and my feet are parallel. It's a bit weird to feel strong and capable... But I freaking LOVE IT.

All of it.

Biked into downtown today for Thursday night live, they close part of the main drag and clubs, restaurants, city departments, entertainers, and even a politician had kiosks set up. Met up with WrenB and her kids for a little bit, which was fun. Missed seeing Mr. WrenB, though, which made me sad.

Found a kiosk for tiny theater in town I didn't know about. Gonna try to check em out. Also a production of Pirates of Penzance is upcoming at the larger community theater, which SCORE!

Biking is still a bit of a workout. Gonna need to take more frequent rides to train up for transportation around the playa next month.

Breaking in the shiny SHINY gold Docs I bought for playa wear is good fun. Apparently my givafuck is broken now, I don't care what anyone thinks if I love them. \o/

OK, time for bed. Tempted to add a tmi post but it's really late and I need to try to sleep.

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Had just over half a workout yesterday. Traffic conditions conspired against me getting to the gym on time.

Tal still hella kicked my ass though, ow, my quads... Ow the tails of my pectorals.

Lots of assisted squats and rowing using the straps and handles that hang down from the frame.
One exercise she had me do after some inverted rowing was where you hang in the full arm extension position, body is straight, heels on the ground. Body's hanging at about 45° to the floor. Normally from here you row up. This time she had me walk one foot about 8" back so my knee was bent, engage that leg for support, and the "row" was to open your arms like wings. Like doing flies with weights, but the effort to raise your body is in the pulling your arms straight back at shoulders height. Wow that was interesting!

Squats included squat coming up to toes, and squat coming up to hop up, land smoothly and into another squat. That was interesting too! Rough to do the first few times til Tal pointed out where I was having difficulty. I think I can do those again, without a problem.

And then yesterday I spent time with Nicole talking costumes for Burning Man, and mid afternoon I pinged M and N to see if they'd like company for dinner. It worked out well for me. I got fun friendly company for dinner, and got to leave the house free for Jeff to have some quality time. :)

One neat thing I noticed during the dinner engagement, was after this frustrating parking lot thing (had to go back and forth to my car multiple times when the pay station turned its nose up to my credit card)... The neat thing was casually jogging back to my car. Because I could. And didn't care who was watching. Probably helps that I was still wearing my gym shoes and shorts and (ahem) an appropriately supportive undergarment... But I did it. Just for fun, and maybe to show off a little. :)
*boggle*

I was thinking on the way home that it'd be interesting to challenge myself on the treadmill at the gym... See if I could run, say, for three minutes straight. And how many intervals like that could I do? Three running, one walking. Could I do that? Seems fun to try!

So there WAS one not-cool thing about dinner last night but that has to do only with the food.
The food was delicious, don't get me wrong. However I failed in my choices as a newly minted diabetic. One rainbow roll, one deep fried oyster (thanks for sharing, N!), one spicy hamachi hand roll, two unagi nigiri, a bit of iceberg lettuce in that slightly sweet peanut sauce salad dressing, and green tea.
So the massive amounts of sushi rice included in that tally sent my blood sugar levels thru the roof, sort of. Two hours after eating my score was 241. That's TWICE my post-meal average.

Dammit. I do love sushi rice but it certainly doesn't love me. Pfui.
Time for New Choice when I go for sushi.

Last thing, to end on a high note: the final cool thing about my day was getting trapped, or rather "trapped" in the parking lot, because I found the situation delightful!

A batería, a Brazilian drum corps, was playing at the far end of the lot, past my car. And then M, N, and I notice there's samba dancers, dressed in feathers and fringe and heels, starting to get organized behind the batería. They wind up playing and marching slowly/dancing, circling the lot, for like fifteen minutes. I loved it.

I posted a couple of crappy photos on FB, and one old friend says, "you didn't join them? Why not?" Argh stupid Engraved Invitation Syndrome. Eh. But it looked like enough fun that I'm going to look up the dance group (Samba Conmigo) and see if they do lessons.

So yesterday was A Good Day.

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Not sure how to make this post coherent. Perhaps a list.

• Test results received late last night/early this morning before I went to bed. Congratulations, it's Diabetes! =(
  
• Congratulations, it's also high LDL cholesterol! (fuck.) At least Triglycerides and HDL were where they're supposed to be.
  
• Good workout today with Tal, and I told her about the blood tests. She is being strict with me, she wants me to up my gym visits to four times per week, to make SURE I do ten to 15 minutes of interval training on the treadmill Every Time I Come In, because cardio is my big challenge. We talked about Metformin and researching my situation (which is both hypothyroid/Hashimoto's and diabetes) and about seriously building my stamina and strength.
  
• as a matter of fact, one thing Tal said deserves its own bullet point. I'm not to use the elliptical anymore for my warmups, I'm to use the treadmill and do the interval work for fifteen minutes because "the elliptical is fine for people who are just starting or who are recovering. You are neither." This pleases me MIGHTILY.
  
• Wonderful to run into wrenb at the gym, we had time for a cup of coffee and a chat that I found very nourishing and therapeutic.
  
• On a related note, my brain weasels are still telling me that DIABETES=DEATH (because my dad had diabetes when he died) so I will encourage EVERYONE to share diabetes success stories if you know any. Stupid damn brain weasels. At least I know they're there, so I can deal with them.
  
• Feeling strong and warm and sore, had a wonderful workout Wednesday and today, and a serious chiseling-out massage yesterday because Danniel is back working at Massage Envy. And he's added some new strokes to his repertoire. And I gave him a double tip yesterday because that was aMAzing, and because I could. Whew, I was flying on endorphins!
  
• I've gotten some links from sarahmichigan re: hypothyroid and I'm working on finding reliable info on diabetes and "eating diabetic".
  
• Doctor's office has me in for three appointments next week: I get a blood sugar monitor and a lesson on how to use it, I am seeing the optometrist or opthalmologist (not sure which) so they can check out my eyeballs and (one assumes) start a baseline, and there's a class on, I think, diabetic nutrition. I'll be busy looking after my health next week, what with extra workouts and everything.
  
• And, since ten things makes a list, I'm going to go find something delicious to have for lunch. And now I know how to balance the plate: 1/2 vegetables, 1/4 protein, 1/4 hopefully complex carbs.
  

Life. Is complicated. I've never been so happy to be unemployed in my LIFE, except when I had the knee surgery and could just spend my time recovering and doing PT.

Honey, eeyore42? I'm sorry I'm not working but I'm glad I can narrow my focus and Deal With This as completely as possible.

Working out is *fun*.
Tal seems to grok that a) bodyweight exercises are both more appropriate for the shape I'm currently in (ROUND is a shape!) and b) that mixing it up, making each workout different, is the most engaging.
I don't think we have done the same exercise twice yet, barring warmup on the fitness center stairs.

 

bless her. I admitted I didn't do my homework between Wednesday and today (was supposed to do an hour of something cardio and an hour of yoga, oy, that's a lot!).
She asked, semi rhetorically, "what am I supposed to say to that?" in her slight accent.

 

I said mildly, "Say, 'do better next time'."
So she did, exactly so.

 

*smile* I don't know if I will be able to do all of the next batch of homework, she wants me to do two cardio and one yoga (Monday and Tuesday classes I've been trying to attend anyway) so if I can fit one cardio in over the weekend I'll be set.
she also wants me to eat five times a day.
I like how that makes me feel when I do it, so I will definitely try. I'm up to twice today, and I will see how it goes.

 

Balance work is crucial, I was very weak and noodly-muscled when I tried the various balancing exercises Tal asked me to do. Core strength also needs work.

 

well, that IS why I'm working with her. Because I know I need help to get back to a habit of fitness and flexibility.

 

This is the diagnosis phase, where we find out what I'm capable of while simultaneously working to IMPROVE what I'm capable of.

 

Forward Momentum!

first meeting with a fitness trainer today.

 

her name is Tal, she's Israeli, and she has a good way about her.

 

she is *also* a dancer, and I love that she gets that part of me.

 

*philosophically *
she is TOTALLY going to kick my ass.
My ass needs it, my muscle tone and core strength are nowhere near where I need them to be, never mind my cardio fitness.

 

but though I know she was totally going easy on the fat chick, we both understand there needs to be a balance between pushing to improve my conditioning, and keeping it fun.

 

I got stuff to DO! time for the machine to get tuned the hell UP.