Be the change you want to see.

ten things make a post, so:

* my cyst continues to drain and shrink slowly. It's gotten softer in the last few days, the hard edges that were painful to massage aren't sharp under my touch anymore. the back of the cyst pad (idk what the name of it, the part closest to my sternum and farthest from the skin) is also softening, i can actually flex it now instead of it being rigid.

High hopes for the body actually processing the whole thing completely, after enough time and care. the hydrocolloid bandaids are ah.maze.zing. they don't tear up my skin when i take them off, the whole thing is sticky and yet it doesnt tear at the wound at all. I was super duper NOT into the idea of surgical removal, so this is progressing nicely and i hope my body will cannibalize, metabolize, and heal all of it.

* been participating in Kinktober. Doing pretty good at it so far. have done scenes for temperature play, sensory deprivation (blindfolds), cockwarming, striptease, oh, and a bad bondage joke. =D yesterday's chapter (doorframe bondage) i'm working on today, and tonight i'll do today's chapter (will probably be predicament bondage uh apparently i have a favorite).

* i didn't do yesterday's chapter because (yay!) we were being Social and also i left the house (shock) to go to CVS and pick up a couple of things. I feel like I'm prepared to go out among people in limited ways. Maybe I'll be brave enough to go to the grocery store with Jeff, especially if I can get comfortable enough to use the respirator mask. Them's the big guns.

* current home improvement projects include: a large tyvek shade sail in the back yard (Jeff's baby) and black stretch velvet covers for several reflective surfaces. Tribble-cat is still hissing at reflective surfaces, but we've covered most of them already, just the velvet looks better despite being only like $6.50/yd.

*that reminds me, it's time for me to give her the dose of kitty prozac. brb

...and ten minutes later, done. because of course she decides to get up and drink water when she was peacefully napping next to me before i remembered she needed her meds. the ear-smear administration is working *fairly well* but i do believe she's getting tired of it.

* oh, Jeff is dating someone new, she's lovely and I do like her and I'm being surprised to not-feel jealous? partly because he's just so darn happy. and that delights me. and i have my own shit going on, that's pretty fun and engrossing. so. More about that eventually, I'm sure. things are fun and no drama, she likes me and i like her, Jenn likes her and she likes Jenn, so, super promising. And Jeff is GOOFY with NRE, it's adorable.

* my new meta also gives really good hugs and verbal praise and likes to DANCE which is so exciting to me! someone to dance in real space with again!

* oh oh oh i got to dance with Claire again yesterday, on Zoom which is not as nice as real life but it's hella better than nothing, and my body hurts a lot less than it was doing over the weekend. I got to that point over the weekend of the whole musculoskeletal tension ratcheting up and up and I couldn't figure out what if any stretch or exercise would work, and so I did wind up taking one of the leftover Flexiril from the Bells Palsy episode, what, two years ago now? and it let me sleep and unspool like 80% of the tension so the Monday workout was good, then Tuesday morning I got to dance (which freeform movement is the absolute BEST for my tension and pain), then today, the wednesday workout was great.

* and now I'm writing on the couch, kitty beside me, while jeff practices soldering electronics out in the garage.

* and the last in good news, our fig tree and our citrus bushes are producing in a ridiculous fashion, and that is one more thing that makes me happy.

Huh.
Trying to do a sex partner tally.
(Was on OkCupid reviewing match questions with someone)

I think I've only had sex with 17 people, if I define sex as, "everyone was willing and at least one orgasm occurred."

That is 17 in 32 years.
I need to think about, do I have feelings about that. And if so, what feelings do I have?

Hmmmmm

Dance class was amazing. Again.
I want to take friends with me but simultaneously I want to keep it all to myself...
Dichotomy.
It's really, truly, amazing. Being there is like dancing your prayers to God. And it's explicit permission to:

a) Take Up Space. Which is an awesome permission to give a fat chick like me
and
b) Move However You Want To. Which is awesome permission to give a dancer like me who's been doing ballroom and other frame-partner dances for a really long time.

I feel deliciously loose. Which is nice after a mellow day of baby wrangling and a mellow weekend wherein I got to enjoy significant hanging out with all the boys I have a romantic interest in. (the girls, are another matter entirely. Sigh.)

But I really do get to Take Up Space and Move However I Want To. And it's phenomenally liberating.

I was remembering certain Persons saying "oh I don't dance" and remembering why my friend Forest always got lots and lots of girlfriends: basically, whoever he wanted, would sleep with him. And I believe that's because of the truism about dancers: "How you dance is how you fuck."

=)

I dance with my whole body, my whole heart, and a lot of creativity.
Take that as you will... *grin*

edit: it strikes me that the converse of my silly truism above is likely also true: that if you fuck with style, grace, or authentic enthusiasm, you would probably be able to dance well, also.

For me it is all about are you actually INHABITING the body and using its capacities in your communications with others; and the most intimate connections, for me, are in dance and in sensual pleasures.