Be the change you want to see.

Most people that know me would say I'm

Smart, passionate, good listener, good storyteller, amazing hugs, a little bit flaky sometimes but trying to get better.

Most people would also notice that I believe all genders are valid and that I believe you when you tell me how you identify. Also that people who disagree with me on this should just swipe left on me.

What I'm doing with my life

I'm not looking for my One, I have a One.

I'm looking for someone who can enrich my life AND at least one of my communities, OR who is already there, interested in Life, the Universe, and Everything, but we just haven't met yet.

I'm looking for (mostly polyamorous and queer friendly) Makers and Burners and fanfiction writers, dancers and music makers, artists, designers, people who have learned how to smile even when life is hard and stupid, who'll roll their eyes at me using #gotyourback while proving that they live that philosophy.

I wanna go hiking with poets and dancing with queen geeks, flirt with voluptuous risk takers and swim among beings who understand gender as a performance and a construct. Mad science arguments and poetry get flung around with Dad jokes and lyrics of old swing tunes or bits from Steven Universe and She-ra.

Can you keep up?

I'm happily embodied and studying shame free living, how about you? Can you converse without words? Are you happy to coexist, head on my shoulder or vice versa?

Did you minor in platonic cuddles and friendly flirtation? Can you deal with me dropping in and out of silly accents and dropping non sequiturs? (No wait, it's too long, let me sum up)

I'm looking for playfellows, for adventures and rowdy shenanigans, and to see where and if we fit. For an hour, a year, or longer.

I firmly believe that "each relationship should seek its own level" but I don't go for *casual* sex at all. I'm happy where I am, if you're special and secure and we click, fun is bound to happen! I have references! (My entire Burning Man camp from 2018 will vouch.)

New adventures?

I'm really good at

Writing, dancing joyfully, explaining things, expressing affection, being straightforward.

The first thing people notice about me

silver in my hair, my easy smile, my warm calm energy.

Six things I could never do without

Tea. Preferably black tea.

My Doc Martens. (i.e., ass kicking stompy boots)

My Spouse, my House, my Kitties, & Loving touch.

My spiritual practice,

My sense of humor, and

Self-respect.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

... how to strive for the Right Thing, (right thought, right word, right action,) and how can I be the most honorable human being possible.

...What's the next fun thing I can say yes to?

...how can I get better organized and more productive in my artistic life?

On a typical Friday night I am

Honestly, I'm usually at home unless I've had a really enticing invitation.
I'm pretty much a Hobbit.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit

I've had a rough time trusting people in a romantic way, after the way my last three secondary-level relationships ended. If you have any emotional intelligence, and we meet in person, I expect you to know what to do with that information.

you should message me if...

-- you and I are a very high match percentage and you live in the SF Bay Area. -- you love to walk, hike, play or dance. Especially dance.

-- you write, particularly fiction, and love to talk about it.

-- you're very liberal and want to talk about how to make art and change the world.

--you can talk about relationships like a grownup. I'm not looking for a hookup.

-- you have a quirky, self effacing sense of humor, and enough confidence to fling yourself into new small adventures.

-- you really love tea.

I have this not-fully-fleshed thought this morning/afternoon/whatever... want to explore it.

we call those who are demonstrably self-centered, who speak and act primarily for and about themselves, who demonstrate a belief that their actions and thoughts impact the world: ARROGANT.

is there a term for people who seem to believe that only OTHER people matter? Edit: in a wildly unrealistic or drastically misplaced humility, only other people's thoughts, actions, beliefs matter? Or is that also ARROGANT and SELF-CENTERED, only in a backwards, skewed, or mirror-universe kind of way?

Recently reflecting on my thoughts around the end of the Drama/Reading teaching job... and I recall at some point believing that I didn't need to tell the (drama) students that I wasn't coming back next year... because they'd have a better Drama teacher next year? I know I was rationalizing. I knew it then.

I know to some degree, I decided not to share because it make it be awkward, difficult to do the job... but there was also a touch of "because I didn't matter"...

On one level, I know I did matter. I had students hug and confide in me; I stayed late and sometimes came early to facilitate the things the students were passionate about, I was learning to be an advocate for them.

and yet, I was convinced that me leaving wouldn't matter to them, to the office, to my department...

was it an intellectual conceit to protect my own feelings or to make the perceived emotional impact of my leaving less?
was it a derelict remainder from my years of low self-esteem?

Five summers ago, I expressed shock and amazement when Jeff (we had just started dating) downloaded both Evanescence albums because I was enthusiastic about them; I had just heard one album in its entirety for the first time.

He held my hand and caught my eyes and said, "You know, you have an IMPACT. What you know, what you like, it makes an impression on people."

That blew me away.

Sat there, flummoxed, (and probably crying), trying to assimilate the concept.

I still am made of fail with regards to incorporating this into my life.
Of course, if what I do (or don't do) doesn't matter, there are all sorts of corollaries.

Like, I don't have to work too hard. No one will care.
a whole other bunch of don't have to's follow, of course, (fill in the blanks yourself, you're imaginative people (see, there I go again))

but those don't have to's get blown away if I have made a commitment to live an ethical lifestyle. For me.

Regardless of the impact I believe I have on the world (which =! my actual impact on the world, I know), if I'm living an ethical life, there's the one undeniable reason to follow up on my promises, to work hard and well, to try hard, to work toward personal growth,
For me.
Because it's the right thing to do.

I joke about being a solipsist. I think I need to examine what parts of that notion are valid and workable and which I need to discard.

and maybe in this regard I'm coming at the question ass backwards, I matter because I'm ethical, but until I finish up a bunch of other healing work I think that is the best, clearest path for me to walk, to arrive at the conclusion that I matter.