Be the change you want to see.

I tried something new yesterday, not consciously, but in the moment.
It was a foam core roller kind of day. And by that I mean that my muscles were tense and tight and not flexible, and it was adding pressure to my joints.
I spent 4 or 5 hours on Tuesday at the pottery studio, standing still on a concrete floor, or hunched over the pottery wheel. Lots of focus on the work and not so much on my body...
Standing on concrete floors kinda sucks. it tightens my leg, ass, and back muscles, and messes up my knees and feet and sometimes my hips.

So yesterday's workout using the foam core rollers to kind of lightly beat up my muscles and encourage them to relax and let go, was really really useful.
After we rolled our legs yesterday, Etty had me work again on holding plank on toes and elbows. I made it to thirty full seconds at toes and forearms! I figured out a subtle way of pushing my shoulders, somehow, up towards the crown of my head. Felt like I was, dunno, sliding but not-sliding my arms and clasped hands up that mat, and suddenly it was almost easy.

and then after working from forearms and toes, holding at forearms and knees felt EASY. I held maybe another whole minute after the shift.

Now then yesterday AFTER the workout, I was on concrete for hours again, this time doing art for Burning Man camp. And my feet and knees hurt again, I've been massaging into the bones of my feet and manipulating them to help them feel better, all morning. But I am doing things and going places with my bodywork, and ultimately I'm really really proud of my sticktoitiveness. =) Body feels strong. Even when it's stiff and sore, it feels strong.

Yay body, yay me, yay healthy habits.

Last night I had a lovely evening, involving dinner and working on an art project with M and N, who I like more, the more time I spend with them.

With dinner, I had a Thai iced tea. I think I maybe need to not do that anymore because OMG I could NOT get to sleep last night.
My lack of sleep was so bad that I cancelled this morning's workout. Four hours or something of sleep makes Lizzie a something something...

Got a good refresh and um-cuddle with Jeff this morning that was worth at LEAST two hours of sleep!

Too hot to work out at home. hoping I will be able to tag along with wrenb to a local public pool today. Gah.

Monday's workout, I've been meaning to talk about, but the details have been fading in my mind. I know I was doing a lot more work for longer stretches than I ever used to think I was able to do. Shoulder strength is coming along, as is flexibility. Yesterday I sat up in bed spontaneously and then held the 45 degree angle while I massaged past my belly fat to investigate the musculature: DEFINITELY coming along.

I lost 6 pounds between weigh in on Monday and the last weigh in 6 weeks ago, at least an inch at my waist, and half an inch off arm and leg. It's data, not cause for celebration. The stronger and more flexible is what I'm celebrating. I also wonder to what degree the Metformin is contributing to these recent changes. Cause it could be partly from that and partly that I've increased my number of accountable, structured workouts. Hmmm.

I find I am more willing to move, to fidget, to do more active things casually, than I did this time last year. Standing around with friends after The Winter Soldier, I noticed I could *not* stand still; had to fidget, move, pace, lean on Jeff, etc. It was... strange, and cool. Strong indicator of the nature of this change.

Last night's art project: I was able and willing to hunker down in a crouch, go up and down from it easily, and could stand in Horse Stance for several moments before I even noticed I was doing it. The EFFORT is just less, because the body is stronger. So very cool.

Awright. I got another bit of writing to complete today; even though I've been dropped from LJ Idol, I intend to complete the prompt.

Today's workout with Tal and tshuma was challenging in different ways than these used to be.

There was a balance exercise that was physically challenging: stand on a curb with one foot, keep your hips square, bend the knee of the supporting leg and lower your other toe to the ground. Straighten, repeat 10 times on each leg. Whoa.

But the part that's emotionally challenging is to realize that I have made HUMONGOUS progress in strength, flexibility, and balance since I started writing about this journey nearly two years ago.

Cognitive dissonance, man.

Like, I do know that I'm stronger than I used to be, but parts of my brain are still expecting those gains to vanish as soon as I stop looking at them. I have an old script running "this is what my body looks like and this is what it can do"
AND THE SCRIPT IS WRONG.

Not sure how I change that, because both my head and my heart need recalibration.

Tal says that I don't give myself nearly enough credit; that much, I believe! *laughing*

Okay. Here's what I can do:

I can hang out in Table position and extend alternate arm and leg for many seconds with no discomfort or huge effort.

I can hang out in Down Dog for many seconds without discomfort or huge effort.

I can do a dozen inverted rows hanging from the TBX with no discomfort and little effort. I remember how sore my hands wrists elbows and shoulders were when I first started that exercise, and how I did it all wrong.

I can do plank at my knees for ages, and then I can detach one knee or hand at a time, repeatedly. Not up to full plank all the time, but I'm getting there.

I can hold Bridge pose for a good long time, even on a squashy surface like my bed.

Properly warmed up, I can put my foot up on the railing at shoulder height to stretch, with no pain and very little effort.

Each shoulder moves independently, and the adhesions seem to be totally gone, shoulderblades move fluidly and the shoulders are normally down and back instead of hunched up and forward. This is HUGE.

Lower back pain, foot pain, hip pain, pain in the shoulder, has essentially vanished. Knee feels stable.

My curves have been smoothing out as the muscles get stronger and settle in closer to the bones.

I can reach things atop the fridge or at the back of that one shelf without standing on my toes or stretching diagonally, my shoulder just GOES FURTHER NOW.

Deep breathing is my normal way of breathing. Actually scored 100% when I last saw a doctor and the nurse took a blood O2 test! Yeah!

I stand and sit straighter more often. Today I got my hair cut and it felt more natural to sit up straight than to lean back in the chair.

These are all true things.
How I was is not how I am now.

I want to come to terms with that. Internalize it, incorporate it into my self image.

I have become physically strong.

This gives me a sense of peace.

I still have more to say about this but I need to leave it there for the moment.

I am strong.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

OK, exercise and moving my body is starting to feel more natural than sitting still.
This is a little weird, but still good. I feel *tougher* than I have in years.

Been on the bicycle every single day this week. *shrug* I can't remember now why I was ever afraid of riding in Mountain View. My bike lets me ride tall. I'm looking car drivers in the eye, and sitting up straight. Awareness and contact with others on the roads help me feel safe even in roads where there's no painted bike lane.

Am also seeing, already, some muscle definition in the quads near the knee. Unrelated to the biking but relevant to the rest of the physical working, I can feel muscles at my waist, even if they don't show much yet. So much better than feeling weak and soggy Like I did once upon a time... Functional strength and balance. This shit RULES.

feeling a need for an early night.

Be well and happy, Livejournalists!