Be the change you want to see.

I'm struggling to adult and there's lots to do.

* Relationship foo

* Schedule foo (see friends, see family, have dates

* Polyamorous foo (dealing with jealousy and finding the courage to bring up my concerns and ask for what I want)

* HEALTH foo, which is multilayer:

** Body pain: *chiropractor, *physical therapy and maybe *massage? I could use my birthday card from almost 2 years ago, but still, SCHEDULE foo.

** Optometry: apparently my last visit was in 2017. I didn't break my glasses so I guess I just didn't go in? (Scheduled for Friday PM)

** Gynecology. Because the girl parts smell bad, I have mild pelvic pain,and zero libido. (Just scheduled for Thursday PM.) ALSO I need to understand more about what to expect from my hopefully upcoming menopause.

** Mental health. The depression and ADHD are not managing themselves. I'm spending hours per day on the internet basically trying to cheer myself up.

About that last one. Today got pretty bad because J was starting another dating website profile, and it hit me hard. We have Stuff To Talk About and I struggle with starting the conversation. Partly because it went so badly for me before when I brought up Previous Stuff, which is also an Aspect of Current Stuff, of course.

Okay.
BUT I DID ask for help earlier today when I found myself panicking and spiraling, and he dropped what he was doing to come over and help, so that was good.

AND I'm going to have a needed shower 🚿 (my hair's been up in a braid for three days and it wasn't clean before that) also the previously mentioned smelly parts definitely need some gentle TLC.

And then I'll eat a little bit more of something.

I'm thinking this all is like getting a farm or a garden back up and running after fourteen months of not looking after it. The neglect, in the end, hasn't been very benign.

OK, exercise and moving my body is starting to feel more natural than sitting still.
This is a little weird, but still good. I feel *tougher* than I have in years.

Been on the bicycle every single day this week. *shrug* I can't remember now why I was ever afraid of riding in Mountain View. My bike lets me ride tall. I'm looking car drivers in the eye, and sitting up straight. Awareness and contact with others on the roads help me feel safe even in roads where there's no painted bike lane.

Am also seeing, already, some muscle definition in the quads near the knee. Unrelated to the biking but relevant to the rest of the physical working, I can feel muscles at my waist, even if they don't show much yet. So much better than feeling weak and soggy Like I did once upon a time... Functional strength and balance. This shit RULES.

feeling a need for an early night.

Be well and happy, Livejournalists!