Be the change you want to see.

When I was little I thought I was just BAD at chores. They were so hard, so much work. And Mom made things like making beds and folding sheets look effortless.
I've been realizing lately that I bought into the childhood meme of if it's hard for you to do, you're not meant to get good at it.
Which sucks, because determination has been dearly bought, down the years.

Another take on the first thing, is: My Mom was Strong. Like PHYSICALLY strong, because she Did Stuff all the time.
And I didn't realize till now, THAT'S the lesson I wish I'd learned. It's not the one I did then, but I can learn it now.

Today I went to the gym again. Ran into angelkatharine toward the end of my hour working with Tal, said hi, got to check in briefly once Tal and I were done.

Today Tal ran me through three different supersets of ten minutes length, and I had to keep moving the whole time, for ten minutes straight.
And it was WORK.
But it didn't kill me, not even a little bit (though those long muscles at the side-back are sore right now...)

I did that work, three sets of ten minutes not stopping, and it totally Did Not Suck.
And I could do All The Things, and do them well.

(Though I find that when I'm totally engaged in weights or body-weight training, I spend all my mental forces making sure my form is good, and I lose the ability to count, even to ten.)

This is a Thing. This is a Thing that I can DO, now.

Somehow I have to accept the wonder at my own ...ability.
And somehow I have to accept this as The New Normal because there's Shit I Wanna Do that involves me getting even stronger and more flexible, even than this.

After so long of struggling to Do Stuff... Now I can.

(this post brought to you by making the Guest Bed and shaking out the sheets and blankets and making everything smooth and pretty, and I Just Did It. It didn't hurt and it wasn't any huge effort, and this is... this is uncharted territory. Physical competence and emotional equilibrium. I've never had both at the same time.)

my journal, imma be just a little snarky.

 

you know the stereotype that goes "oh, she was so lovely... until she opened her mouth and started speaking"...?
oh, that happens with men too.

 

*moue*

 

but I go to this particular dance partly for the exercise, and partly to be around people, and partly to dare myself to continue with a practice that can be uncomfortable and challenging. that includes me or others saying a dumb thing, pushing too hard to do something, being disappointed in some kind of expectations, etc.

 

it was a good dance. only my second time ever dancing with very energetic Russian boy, second time ever with J who is lovely but presents as shy, and second time with A, who is very very tall, high energy, and very silly. I enjoyed those, very much, as well as lots of momentary people contacts throughout the evening, and my own solo dancing.

 

oh! and I rode my bike there and back, despite having access to car. Convinced myself that I could tag out when the weather is gray, wet, cold, and miserable on a Monday, but I will try using the bicycle to get to dance on Mondays and Wednesday noon gym workouts, at the least.

 

I felt really strong coming home tonight.
it felt really good.

Got myself to the gym today, woooo

 

last night I had the devil's own time getting to sleep. I had that talk with Jeff and it relieved my mind and heart but apparently all my residual stress went and knotted up my body. I tried stretching, it was 2 am, and my hips that usually go /click/ went /CRACK!/ and then my knee was sore, so I knew I had it bad... hips, shoulders, mid-back, hamstrings, jaw muscles... all so tense they wouldn't SHUT UP.

 

I took one of the leftover painkillers from after the knee surgery. they generally have a nice muscle relaxing quality, I get warm, and as they wear off, my skin gets randomly itchy. so I don't use one unless it's pretty bad. it was indeed pretty bad. I tried for what felt like hours to fall asleep, even with the help of stretching, warmups, and the painkiller, and then I think I just rested, without sleep. or else I dreamed that I wasn't sleeping, so not much more restful.

 

Christmas was the last week I had regular work and a regular exercise routine. twice a week at least.

 

I have decided to engage with one of the trainers at the gym. I can't make my goals alone, at this point.

 

Goals:
* strength and flexibility enough to where I am able to take a yoga or dance class without worrying if I will last through it,
* enough stamina and wind to go to a Gaskells ball or Friday Night Waltz and dance as much as I want to...
* and building a plan for habitual enjoyable exercise that will last me into my Croning Years or Dotage or beyond.

 

I did get in and get moving today, I did start loosening up the crunchy crusty stressy painful joints and muscles, with gentle and intuitive stretches after I warmed up on the treadmill, and light upper body work. Bare minimum stuff.

 

I'll hurt less tonight, hopefully sleep better, but in order to IMPROVE my condition, I need someone or something else to push me. I do best when I have a class where I do the thing regularly. Yoga and 5Rhythms, I'm hoping to get back to them.

 

Want to try Zumba! Want to try Nia. want to try Pilates, and I most sorely want a Bellydance or Hula class.

 

One step at a time. Get Moving first, then Build Momentum, then Add New Skills.

 

(dancedancedance) (wanna get dancing)

 

but for right now, my eyes are crossing.
To bed, to bed!

 

Aww yeah baby.

Gym today was SPECTACULAR.
And not just because my right hip and leg desperately needed the workout. I started with the adductor and abductor machines at 50#, ten pounds down from my usual, just to try and give those complaining muscles some immediate love. That was a good thing. Then a wee bit of stretching before moving on to cardio...

There was a fun new machine, which is kind of like the love-child of an elliptical trainer and stationary bike, that was just too damn much fun, it goes REALLY REALLY FAST which is something I hardly ever do, but it didn't have a lot of resistance, so it wasn't HARD exactly. It was just hella SILLY. I was grinning like a loon (as they say.) 17 minutes was "ten laps" for whatever value of laps this machine uses. It worked upper and lower body, so I just did a little light work with the hamstring machine (because my hamstring was part of the OMG YOU'RE NEGLECTING US!! brigade) and then a little flexibility work for shoulders and core, and THEN I got on the bosu-ball, it's a balance ball, with like half an exercise-ball topped by a flat platform; you stand on the platform and it's OMG-hard. I did good stuff there, bent knees and straight, holding my core muscles, until I was making with the wobbly-knees only it wasn't my *knees*, I'm not sure what was wobbling but all of me was wobbling, and then I hopped off. I felt the muscles in the bottoms of my FEET being tired. Wow. That would explain the recent bout of foot-cramps I've been having this last few days when I haven't been working out... Okay!

Ok, now, now, is my favorite part, my most bragging part. =D
I went into the foyer, which has become kind of my default stretching and yoga-work place at the end of a workout. Got a mat, and went from Cobra to Child's pose and back a few times to limber my spine, kicking my right hip out in Crescent Moon to stretch the hip muscles (still sore, I need to get up and move again once I finish this post) ... Up-dog, Down-dog. Rolling my pelvis around on the mat to massage my lower back, I kicked my legs out and rolled up to my feet. This made me remember how much I liked rolling from Boat forward and back... and then I started to roll and kick my feet up, back toward my head, and then I almost made a shoulder stand, and then I DID make a shoulder stand. =D =D =D

And then I had to do it twice more to make sure I had really done it. I did! I did make a shoulder stand!!
This FAT CHICK did a shoulder stand! This OLD BROAD did a shoulder stand! THREE OF THEM!!

So. Much. FUN!!

And then to cap off my triumph, I got the foam core roller and pounded on my IT band and the sore hip and butt muscles, and then I rolled my SPINE, which I always forget how it hurts so, so very good. And makes me feel like I'm at least an inch taller.

Now, now my ducklings, I must go have something to eat, and some more water, and figure out What's For Dinner, because I inspired Jeff to go for a bike ride on the New Bike (which is hella nifty machine, let me tell you) and I plan to reward him by having something delicious ready when he comes home. I think scallops on linguine will do nicely.

Dance music and cooking, ahoy!