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Used to be that a weekend alone would trigger all of the rejection dysphoria.
It helps I know he was thinking about me, caring about me before he left, which is bound to start me off in a really good headspace. Jeff hit the grocery store before he left for the weekend. Got me some of the fruit we both like, some of the other food treats that we enjoy, and some fresh flowers.
It was really lovely to come home to after my class today at the Maker Nexus (wood lathe! Woo hoo!)
Really the dysphoria is about FOMO.
I've been working on that for quite a while now. Also Jeff and I have been living in each other's pockets this entire covid time with shelter in place and all. And I'm realizing, now that he is headed out for a overnight with his other sweetie, that I've really kind of missed having the house absolutely to myself, as I did for several hours a day while he was still working in the office.
For example, I'm dictating this out loud. I feel uncomfortable doing that when he's in the house. It's less of a roommate friendly thing to do, speaking out loud in place of writing.
A second thing that I have found that I miss, which I used to have all the time when Jeff was still working, is the ability to talk to myself as I wander through the house, to remind myself of what my tasks are, what I want to accomplish, cheer myself up, etc. Just caught myself doing that a minute ago and it was nice!
Another thing that I get to do when I have the house to myself, is I get to make what food I like in whatever way I like. It's actually not as hard to just make food of whatever kind for myself and eat it. It's more effortful to have to sit down with your partner and negotiate around what kinds of possible things y'all could eat, and what everybody is willing to settle for. That's a lot of work! (Every single night and now most lunches too, where he used to eat at work.)
I'm going to call my mom tonight, which is another out loud sort of task, that I will typically take out into the backyard so it's not to disturb whatever Jeff's vibe is.
And of course, it's much easier to write when I'm alone somewhere. I think I'm about ready to knock out Chapter 16, the pivotal chapter whose organization has been giving me fits for MONTHS.
I usually write by getting myself into the headspace of the point of view character, and just feeding the words out from what the feelings are. Yes I channel fictional characters for fun.
A problem arises that in cases where you can get interrupted multiple times a day it's extremely difficult to actually get writing done. It's not even like he's being mean about interrupting me, but the fact of living with a housemate you know... and I love him! It just means there's somebody else in the space who asks questions or who I ask questions of, just. I'm hoping I can finish this chapter before he comes back home again tomorrow! I think I can do it I think I'm in a good way in a good flow.
Gonna sign off here and pull up the doc for chapter 16, wish me luck!
It helps I know he was thinking about me, caring about me before he left, which is bound to start me off in a really good headspace. Jeff hit the grocery store before he left for the weekend. Got me some of the fruit we both like, some of the other food treats that we enjoy, and some fresh flowers.
It was really lovely to come home to after my class today at the Maker Nexus (wood lathe! Woo hoo!)
Really the dysphoria is about FOMO.
I've been working on that for quite a while now. Also Jeff and I have been living in each other's pockets this entire covid time with shelter in place and all. And I'm realizing, now that he is headed out for a overnight with his other sweetie, that I've really kind of missed having the house absolutely to myself, as I did for several hours a day while he was still working in the office.
For example, I'm dictating this out loud. I feel uncomfortable doing that when he's in the house. It's less of a roommate friendly thing to do, speaking out loud in place of writing.
A second thing that I have found that I miss, which I used to have all the time when Jeff was still working, is the ability to talk to myself as I wander through the house, to remind myself of what my tasks are, what I want to accomplish, cheer myself up, etc. Just caught myself doing that a minute ago and it was nice!
Another thing that I get to do when I have the house to myself, is I get to make what food I like in whatever way I like. It's actually not as hard to just make food of whatever kind for myself and eat it. It's more effortful to have to sit down with your partner and negotiate around what kinds of possible things y'all could eat, and what everybody is willing to settle for. That's a lot of work! (Every single night and now most lunches too, where he used to eat at work.)
I'm going to call my mom tonight, which is another out loud sort of task, that I will typically take out into the backyard so it's not to disturb whatever Jeff's vibe is.
And of course, it's much easier to write when I'm alone somewhere. I think I'm about ready to knock out Chapter 16, the pivotal chapter whose organization has been giving me fits for MONTHS.
I usually write by getting myself into the headspace of the point of view character, and just feeding the words out from what the feelings are. Yes I channel fictional characters for fun.
A problem arises that in cases where you can get interrupted multiple times a day it's extremely difficult to actually get writing done. It's not even like he's being mean about interrupting me, but the fact of living with a housemate you know... and I love him! It just means there's somebody else in the space who asks questions or who I ask questions of, just. I'm hoping I can finish this chapter before he comes back home again tomorrow! I think I can do it I think I'm in a good way in a good flow.
Gonna sign off here and pull up the doc for chapter 16, wish me luck!
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