labelleizzy: (moon)
I had plans for doing a ritual for the full moon this month, especially as it coincided with Lammas/Lughnasaad, but the timing didnt work out to do so with a friend, and I did not feel like doing so alone this time.

Instead my friend and i were Makers.
We made a prototype for a costume piece that we both liked.

It was its own kind of celebration, really. And quite appropriate for both a Full Moon and Lammas... We Manifested a dream, took on a challenge, saw it through, together. She is a joy to work with, eager and interested and fine with me being the boss. She's impressed with my relatively basic sewing skills, which is both sweet and gratifying. (I cook like I sew, not fancy but gets the job done.)

Actually Getting Stuff DONE was so gratifying, felt like a harbinger of other good things for the future.
labelleizzy: (how to eat an elephant)
Once upon a time there was a little girl.
This little girl trustingly swallowed, hook, line, and sinker, the cultural meme that having more stuff will make you happier. She was not a happy little girl, and there were many hungers in her life that were never properly satisfied.

She started accumulating and collecting stuff. Meanwhile she was puzzled about why she seemed no happier, because she continued to hear the message that having enough stuff, will make you happy. She continued accumulating stuff.

Of course it wasn't really about the STUFF. It was about the unsatisfied hungers.
But it took her many many years to realize, that if you find out what the shape of the hunger is, and you feed yourself appropriately to satisfy all of your hungers, you don't need your "STUFF" as a pacifyer anymore.

and then you can get rid of the pacifyer.
labelleizzy: (make things!)
Been taking notes and coming up with ideas on a casual basis all week.
Am taking this class with [ profile] bellacrow and she and I have discussed it a bit on FB.
I should look into the forums tonight.

There's a phrasing in the fourthsecond assignment that doesn't make sense to me: "the four course project criteria."

It's just that the language is confusing to me, because it could be parsed as
A) there are four projects in the course, the criteria for those four projects
B) There are four criteria, criteria which shall be applied for all the projects to be done during the course.

C) Jeff points out that the four criteria are described in the second project's description: D'OH!
  • You personally experience the gap (i.e., you want to solve the design problem).
  • You have access to at least five people who also experience the gap, or a closely related gap. This access is ideally face-to-face, not solely via the internet.
  • You can imagine creating some kind of design and prototype of an artifact that would address this gap within the next 8 weeks. In other words, the challenge is not so complex that you cannot imagine addressing it in this course. (For instance, the gap “I really wish I could travel in outer space” would be a poor choice for a course project.)
  • You can imagine the gap being addressed by an artifact in a domain that interests you personally (e.g., physical product, architecture, apparel, graphics, web design, furniture).

I'm hoping I'm correct in believing B) is the correct parsing.

From the homepage: "The emphasis of the course is the basic design process: define, explore, select, and refine." So I hope that's what's meant.

And I'm doing that, and from the syllabus, it CERTAINLY looks like I'll be making many more than four things, so I hope I've got it right, or I'll lose points on the fourthsecond assignment.


  • I have a sketch AND a prototype to do for HW 4,
  • (and I have to scan & submit the sketch, & photograph the prototype & submit that photo)
  • have to clean up (erase pencil lines), scan, and submit my sketch for HW 3, (closest to done)
  • have to type up and submit my list (of "gaps in the user experience") for HW 2,
  • (with a note about which one I'm taking for this week's project,)
  • (and under 100 words of how this gap meets the "four course project criteria above")
  • and take a photo of my Doc Martens for the Good Design (HW 1) and submit it,
  • and write fewer than 100 words explaining why I love "the artifact" (meaning my Doc Martens).

I think I'm glad Jeff was ambivalent about going out tonight. I really needed to sort out how much work I had to do for this course before end of day tomorrow. And Jeff is a handy engineer-about-town to consult in the understanding-of-design.

More than a bit sad to miss some social time with [ profile] joedecker and [ profile] wuukiee among other fine people who will be at Joe's party tonight, but I'm actually feeling more like assembling prototypes in my underwear than going out and being social.

Gonna go eat some food, and then get going on the prototype for 4. scissors, cardboard, and tape! Woot!
labelleizzy: (green path)
Struck me rather suddenly today, that animal-taming might make a good metaphor for overcoming personal fears.

Bear with me a moment:

When you begin, the animal (the fearful part of self) is skittish, angry, violent, in pain, unpredictable (add your own adjective here). You don't know what motivates it, you aren't sure how to help at first.

So the first step is to gently build trust. You do gentle things, comforting things, calm, quiet, predictable things. Perhaps you find ways to nourish the fearful animal, as frequently they are hungry. You do this until the fearful animal calms down a little, and you begin to have positive interactions. Perhaps at this point you can start to explore what is causing the fear: is there an old or current injury? Is it a habit of thinking or behaving that can be changed? Perhaps it is something as basic as a self-reinforcing loneliness. (not that THAT is easy to cure necessarily but knowledge of the problem is half the battle to solve it.)

Trust is building, it's an ongoing process. Like Androcles and the Lion, trust itself is often its own reward. If the fear-animal is internal to self, learning to trust the part of yourself that does know better, that does know that fear is a chain that binds you to old ways of living and thinking which no longer serve you and which even hurt or harm you, well. Learning to trust the part of yourself that wants you to be stronger, happier, and more free, and is willing to work for the privilege... that leads you closer to wholeness. Closer to real health.

You have to be brave to work on your fears, work with your fears. You must be gentle in parenting the fearful child within, firm and reliable to train the fearful-animal to strength and reliability within itself. Think of animals that have been poorly trained and how they behave. Think of children that were parented unreliably or who were victims of neglect and abuse. Now, if you have fears that behave like bratty or desperate children, fears that mark their territory like feral cats or piss the floor like (you'll forgive me) my mother's dog, fears that cling to you and don't let you Get Stuff Done?

You may have to start from the beginning. And you may find that no matter how much Work you Do, there is still more to be Done. You may find that even once you are firm, reliable, gentle, loving, and consistent? There will still be days (weeks, months, years) when your inner feral cat or terrified toddler re-emerges and leaves messes all over the landscape.

Guess what?
We are the grown ups now. We are the ones who can choose to take charge, to put those gentle, loving, trust building routines into place. We are the ones who get to build our own internal strength and improve our personal discipline. and to keep ourselves fed so we can Do This Work.

But keep the end goal in mind. Remember the hunchbacked, starving, irritable, cringing, unpredictable, even vicious 'animal' you first knew?

Think of a beautiful, well fed horse running in green fields and coming to eat apple slices from your hand, snuffling warm grass-fed breath into your face. Think of an intelligent, clear eyed dog, attention focused on your face and your hand-commands, waiting eagerly to fetch the ball you just threw, knowing ear-scruffles and praise come after their expected success. Think of a child so funny and smart and upright and trustworthy that your heart aches when you see them achieving their real potential, when you watch them soar high above anything you have ever achieved previously.

That could be you. You can DO THIS.

Stand up straight. Take the first step.

No hobbled horse is joyous. No chained-up starving dog has perked up, laughing ears.

Take the chains off. Be the reliable, loving, gentle friend your inner child needs to grow strong and free.
Love them. Love YOU.

... and if you're already there? Lend a hand with someone else's animal taming.
I haven't met anyone who couldn't use the help.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle..."
labelleizzy: (music)
I have completed the transcription of my recorder composition.
Granted, it looks like a (very tidy) FIFTH grader hand-wrote it!

but it is all written out, (no thanks to my cat who kept bumping the recorder into my teeth tonight, and who I will go snuggle for her troubles...) and I will take it to choir with me tomorrow and make Mark or Darla play it on the piano so I can hear it, and get corrections for notational form (dynamics particularly) which are simple but I want to write them correctly according to form.

Tomorrow I don't have sub work nor work in the church office, so I will read my three chapters and work on my composition(s) and maybe do some education work on the Kelly website. I don't think I'll get dressed till I have to go to choir. =)
labelleizzy: (Buddha think and become)
TUT... A Note from the Universe

The Universe
to me

Life, what a trip! One minute you're born, the next you die. Then, one day, you stand back and say:

"Aye yai yai! Was that ever believable, or what?! First I thought I was this and then I thought I was that, then I became this and then that. Hold on now, why are you looking at me like that? Wait a minute... OHMYGOSH! There was a pattern! Holy cow! You mean I could have thought anything... and been anything?! But what about limits? How could that be? What do you mean pie in the sky? Dreams come true? Infinite possibilities?"

Fortunately, Elizabeth, there's still time...
The Universe
labelleizzy: (awesome)
my dear friend Sarah is coming to visit from London for two weeks! She'll be splitting her time between me and her other bestest friend from Aberystwyth, Jenn (who I gather lives in SF!)

OMG this is going to be fun!!

Recommends for nature walks, cool shopping venues or farmers markets, cultural events that are "must-do's" and upcoming social events and invitations to dinner between the 14th and the 30th, hereby being solicited!

She's a foodie, too, so I know I'm taking her to Oliveto's and Luna Ristorante and probably to Greens and Millenium (Unless Jenn takes her out to one of those last two instead... LOL < /feeling competitive>)

Advice? Suggestions? Bueller? Bueller?
labelleizzy: (two cents)
I have this not-fully-fleshed thought this morning/afternoon/whatever... want to explore it.

we call those who are demonstrably self-centered, who speak and act primarily for and about themselves, who demonstrate a belief that their actions and thoughts impact the world: ARROGANT.

is there a term for people who seem to believe that only OTHER people matter? Edit: in a wildly unrealistic or drastically misplaced humility, only other people's thoughts, actions, beliefs matter? Or is that also ARROGANT and SELF-CENTERED, only in a backwards, skewed, or mirror-universe kind of way?

Recently reflecting on my thoughts around the end of the Drama/Reading teaching job... and I recall at some point believing that I didn't need to tell the (drama) students that I wasn't coming back next year... because they'd have a better Drama teacher next year? I know I was rationalizing. I knew it then.

I know to some degree, I decided not to share because it make it be awkward, difficult to do the job... but there was also a touch of "because I didn't matter"...

On one level, I know I did matter. I had students hug and confide in me; I stayed late and sometimes came early to facilitate the things the students were passionate about, I was learning to be an advocate for them.

and yet, I was convinced that me leaving wouldn't matter to them, to the office, to my department...

was it an intellectual conceit to protect my own feelings or to make the perceived emotional impact of my leaving less?
was it a derelict remainder from my years of low self-esteem?

Five summers ago, I expressed shock and amazement when Jeff (we had just started dating) downloaded both Evanescence albums because I was enthusiastic about them; I had just heard one album in its entirety for the first time.

He held my hand and caught my eyes and said, "You know, you have an IMPACT. What you know, what you like, it makes an impression on people."

That blew me away.

Sat there, flummoxed, (and probably crying), trying to assimilate the concept.

I still am made of fail with regards to incorporating this into my life.
Of course, if what I do (or don't do) doesn't matter, there are all sorts of corollaries.

Like, I don't have to work too hard. No one will care.
a whole other bunch of don't have to's follow, of course, (fill in the blanks yourself, you're imaginative people (see, there I go again))

but those don't have to's get blown away if I have made a commitment to live an ethical lifestyle. For me.

Regardless of the impact I believe I have on the world (which =! my actual impact on the world, I know), if I'm living an ethical life, there's the one undeniable reason to follow up on my promises, to work hard and well, to try hard, to work toward personal growth,
For me.
Because it's the right thing to do.

I joke about being a solipsist. I think I need to examine what parts of that notion are valid and workable and which I need to discard.

and maybe in this regard I'm coming at the question ass backwards, I matter because I'm ethical, but until I finish up a bunch of other healing work I think that is the best, clearest path for me to walk, to arrive at the conclusion that I matter.
labelleizzy: (gaia)
I wouldn't have thought (or realized) that a Stick of Whapping could be such a satisfying and reliable gardening tool.


I have an old chair leg (the rest of the chair went bye-bye but since the leg already fell off, I was like, why not?)... and I have had several bushes in the back yard that died (or mostly died) some months ago when the pump for the backyard well failed for several days last summer.

how satisfying to whack the hell out of old dead brush, have it break and splinter and fracture, to aim blows for the joints of the dead plant and see limbs go flying, stir up dust (ok not that so much) and make something that's literally only in the way of progress, get smaller and smaller.

I think when the shrubs are finally gone I'll dig a nice big hole and plant sets of bulbs, or bunches of herbs that grow well in damp soil and indirect light.
labelleizzy: (gaia)
After weeks and weeks of waiting... compost is now DIRT.

and now (*insert evil laugh here*), now, I PLANT VEGETABLES, my children!!!

Rob sez...

Apr. 17th, 2008 09:33 pm
labelleizzy: (handfasting)
Scorpio Horoscope for week of April 17, 2008

Verticle Oracle card Scorpio ("Precious")

It's the Week of the Fabulous Smirk. Not the Week of the Arrogant Smirk or the Vengeful Smirk or the Hateful, Whiny, Passive-Aggressive Smirk. Rather, the Smirk that Passeth All Understanding. The Wise, Charitable, Forbearing Smirk. The Uber-Smirk that says, "I've figured out what everyone's hiding, and I love them anyway." You are ready, Scorpio, to explore the Divine Smirk that arises naturally when you have outwitted an obstacle that was obscuring the truth from you; when you have finally seen through the delusion you were under and guessed the secret you weren't smart enough to see before.

< smirk >
labelleizzy: (Default)
I am hearing good things from my f-list about what people want to accomplish, achieve, or change in this new year.

After reading what [ profile] noelfigart had to say about planning and goalsetting, though, I realized that my main priorities for this year fall into 5 main categories. Tidy, that.

1) Simplify.
2) Get Stronger.
3) Network.
4) Plan.
5) Practice.

I think I will enjoy exploring/writing about each of those in turn. Or not.

Fairly self explanatory. And I've written reams over the last what- 4 years? I've been on Livejournal?

Simplicity will be good.
labelleizzy: (Default)
An old friend of mine who I've just found again on Myspace, posted the following video interview with Naomi Campbell, author of The End of America: Letter of Warning to a Young Patriot.

Seriously. The radio interview here (sorry I don't know how to embed) is enough that I am heading to check out the website she cites as supporting the necessary actions to:

Restore the Rule of Law
Hold the Criminals Accountable
Restore Habeus Corpus
Forbid Warantless Wiretapping
Remove Torture from "this is what we do in America"...

what the fuck happened, and how have I been so asleep as to not realize how grave the situation has become?

I'm adding SF, BBC, and Canadian newsfeeds to my blogroll.

The website is

text of their message is here: )

Take a minute. This is not the nation I used to pledge allegiance to when I was not in grade school.
This is not Mr. Reagan's "City on the Hill", a shining beacon of democracy.
This is not a country I am proud to be a part of.

Go read, and decide for yourself.

labelleizzy: (help)
Jeff's hands are starting to bother him rather a lot.

We finally have a doctor appt for Monday, but among other things he needs to re-do his workstation at home.

Geek Friends and Family all: Where to get good Geek-desks and Chairs? He's got a flatscreen monitor currently and about 3 different system hardwares that he switches between. Current desk is set up into the corner of the room, and he wants to set up a double-monitor layout that the current desk doesn't allow for.

Edit: He wants an L-shaped desk with vertical storage and a rounded-edge to the physical desktop.

Any suggestions in the greater Bay Area welcome, or online stores that are reputable and have sturdy furniture.

labelleizzy: (Default)
Bit pensive today. It's quiet, just the laundry thumping round, and I've got lots and lots to do or that I should be doing, but... But.

I wonder what home is.

Part of this has to do with the fact that I am indeed, technically homeless.
I mean, god bless Laura for taking me in. But it's not MY home. It's hers.

Is home some random apartment I don't yet have possession of?
Is home a domicile at all, or is it as large as a city I know my way around... and am comfortable travelling thru?
Is home the Starry Plough, or the Fair Oaks Tudor Faire?
Is home the living room of a dear friend who's having me over for dinner and a heart-to-heart talk?

One former lover and still dear friend talked about places wrapped around people. For me, Aberystwyth is more than a medieval Welsh town, it's Spiky John and Pete, Big John and Andrew, Shasta and Rachael, Sarah, Stephen, the girls in the dorm, my teachers and the shopkeepers, the other students we'd play billiards with, go to the pub or the football club/dance hall.

Berkeley is still Kevin and Ammy, though neither of them has lived there in over 2 years (?).

Sacramento is my mom (and dad, though he's dead), my sister and her husband and my nephew, my high-school friends, and many of my pagan friends and Faire friends.

I'm in this weird limbo-space. Or a weird gypsy space, perhaps.
Heather Alexander's CD, "A Gypsy's Home" has a title song with the lyrics
Don't tell a gypsy she has no home...
My road is wide and my sky is tall
And before I die I will see it all...

At the moment, I don't feel like I'm supposed to put down permanent roots.
I feel like those plants my mom keeps in vases and glasses for YEARS before she puts them in dirt, if ever.

The potential of my current life is strange and wonderful. There is no fixed horizon, no concrete path.
It's a beautiful, terrifying thing.
But I won't "settle," not ever again.
labelleizzy: (Default)
I'm rereading Oriah Mountain Dreamer's The Invitation.
This was a Christmas present from my sister, and the only thing I read during the Christmastime trip to New York to visit my inlaws.
Extensive self-analysis follows...
Read more... )
Mertuil had a great post a few weeks back... she covered lots on the topic of wanting/not wanting, needing/not needing, the social acceptability of wanting. And then, she made a list of I wants.
You inspire me...
Not necessarily to make a similar list today, but in recognizing that it is okay to WANT stuff. And that not all the stuff I want is STUFF. Mostly it's not.
I'll say this for my Xpouse - he didn't begrudge me any possessions. I am well provided for, all pots, pans, art, furniture, that I require, I have.
So those spiritual and emotional needs...Read more... )

It's scary to want things. It's scary to admit to having ideals or crazy obsessions, or to lusting after someone or something.
It's not polite.
It's not what the "good girl" in the back of my head (aka the Critic, in Sark's lexicon) wants to admit to.

Gods bless my friend Anne, Read more... )
And you realize that there is virtually no reason why your life can't be a beautiful thing, with loving accomplishments, friends, family, community.

So, even if I'm a "bad girl" (which makes me giggle, actually), and even if I never hook up with a permanent partner or soulmate, my life is worthy.
And even if it's not polite, or pretty, I'm going to enthusiastically go after all those things that feed my soul.
...even if I can't have those things forever... (hell, who said anything lasted forever anyway?)


labelleizzy: (Default)

September 2017

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