labelleizzy: (moon)
Was feeling pretty crappy yesterday, a combination of physical and mental effects (primarily that my "period" was more like an "!") but am feeling better today, reasonably well grounded, able to stay focused, and sending loving energy to the parts of me that are working hard to do their job.

(I'm envisioning a teeny tiny person wearing overalls who's part of a team shoveling a mudslide out of a roadway in order to allow the flow of normal traffic to commence. I'm sending warm dry socks, solid stompy boots, good grippy gloves and strong quality tools to my teeny tiny team, and I'm getting ready to send the tea-cart around and invite them to take a rest before going back to work again.)

It's amazing, though, the toxic-feeling images that were the first-ideas behind this visualization. I had to consciously pick and choose positive images, changing mental associations. This is a natural process. Not a nasty toxic clean-up, not a job whose attendants are shamed to complete it or looked on as less-than. It is something that must be done as part of the natural cycle of life, as regularly as day follows night follows day.

Framing it positively took some effort. That tells me both that I have problems and that the culture I live in has problems, with this process being a natural, "normal" part of human health.

I'm working to be more conscious of the messages I've internalized from the larger society, and to take care about which ones I now choose to consume, which ones I choose to remain part of my internal landscape.

I like the Road Crew metaphor. I think I'm keeping it.
labelleizzy: (gaia)
mentioned bout my compost, the last post?

was thinking about gardening today, went to check the bin and see how much work it would be to shovel/rake the stuff out into the garden... saw a plastic ziploc in there.

I was thinking, well, that must have just been us being lazy, not emptying one of the bags of ...stuff we'd collected for compost...

so I reach in and fish it out...

and there's no rotting vegetable matter inside, instead, there's RINGS.

specifically, my high school class ring, and my wedding and anniversary rings from my first marriage.

WTF? I know I was intending to put those away somewhere safe (THOUGHT I'd put them in the safe deposit box), have been planning to do some kind of purification on them (and then return the wedding ring to either a cousin or a niece for future use, to keep it in the family...)

I have a slight idea of the mishap that might have landed that bag in the bin... but it's still weird.

Somewhat karmic, and the end result (energetically) is probably the same as what I MEANT to do with them...

I'm still sitting here with this odd look on my face. The rings are soaking and I'll take them to be cleaned, then figure out the final disposition. It's Errand Day today anyway.
labelleizzy: (inclusive)
Pantheacon was wonderful. I got to do some hanging out with [livejournal.com profile] battymaiden, [livejournal.com profile] ribbin, [livejournal.com profile] deedeebythebay, [livejournal.com profile] ladynanook. [livejournal.com profile] thats_ms_dragon, [livejournal.com profile] weirdodragoncat, [livejournal.com profile] inflectionpoint, [livejournal.com profile] zpdiduda, [livejournal.com profile] ag_unicorn, and the kids. the kids were great. Also, ran into [livejournal.com profile] phantomdancer yesternight in the lobby and had a lovely steak dinner together.

I had a fortuitous meeting on Saturday(?) with [livejournal.com profile] qos (I mentioned her name to someone else and she was 5 feet away in the foyer!) and we had lunch. I am somewhat sad about missing her workshop at 3 today, but enjoyed chatting and getting acquainted earlier. I was just FRIED by 1 pm today.

([livejournal.com profile] mitrian, I'm sorry we didn't get to connect. *sad face* however, it was an excellent weekend.)

Highlights:

the OMG Pombagira!!
the Kali Puja
the Iron Pentacle Working with Veedub
Engaging The Warrior's Heart with Thorn Coyle
I have Runes! And snakes! and played a little with drums! (wish I'd done that more)
the Huna workshop earlier today
the concert with RJ Stewart and Kaitlin Matthews
giving away my Wisteria seedpods...
Getting Ribboned
Giving away "Love is a Verb." slips
Hail Caffeina!
Getting Henna'd and getting advice on motherhood from Renu (hugs go to her!)

-----
things to remember:

"There is no part of me that is not of the Gods" - Veedub
"All parts of me are of the Gods" - me

-----
Huna Philosophy:
Uni'hi'pi'li - Childself, childlike holds memory, connected with earth, body, physical maint.
U'ha'ne - Upperself, spirit of social interaction, spends a lot of time wanting to be loved, frequently
gives orders to Uni'hi'pi'li
Au'ma'ku'a - the Godself - work towards an alignment of the three souls.

(note to self.)
Bearcubs wrestling - biggest one almost always wins.
Waterfall flows to Lake.
Lake Dammed by network of beavers.
Bears come to drink at Lake, to hunt and fish near the Lake.

Each Bear must hunt and fish independantly in order to get skilled, in order to feed themselves and each other, and to learn how to STOP FIGHTING.

**What kinds of relationships do I form with other people?

-----

Lyrics: (Check with D and L to confirm melody)
In all of my power I open up
In all my strength I rise
In all of my power I open up
I'm reaching for the skies

Open to power
Reach for love
Open to power
Reach for love
Open to power
Reach for love
Open to power
Reach for love

also:
Commitment => Honor => Truth => Strength => Compassion => Commitment.

"What are the gods on the altar of your mind?"

Self-Possession.
Keep your Hara firm.
Find all your Parts and Love them.
Find out what you want. Start there.
Practice builds its own momentum. Do it everyday.
Till sometime it becomes more interesting to do the Work than to feed the distractions.
What is my commitment? And what am I going to DO about it?


And read more about the Iron Pentacle.
(Feri is fun but it's not my path - think they'd be AWESOME to hang out with and do Work with though - the energy is FANTASTIC.)

...OK, not so brief. *wry grin*

Lemme know if this is too long & should be behind a cut. kthxbai
*returns to lesson planning*
labelleizzy: (Default)
Bit pensive today. It's quiet, just the laundry thumping round, and I've got lots and lots to do or that I should be doing, but... But.

I wonder what home is.

Part of this has to do with the fact that I am indeed, technically homeless.
I mean, god bless Laura for taking me in. But it's not MY home. It's hers.

Is home some random apartment I don't yet have possession of?
Is home a domicile at all, or is it as large as a city I know my way around... and am comfortable travelling thru?
Is home the Starry Plough, or the Fair Oaks Tudor Faire?
Is home the living room of a dear friend who's having me over for dinner and a heart-to-heart talk?

One former lover and still dear friend talked about places wrapped around people. For me, Aberystwyth is more than a medieval Welsh town, it's Spiky John and Pete, Big John and Andrew, Shasta and Rachael, Sarah, Stephen, the girls in the dorm, my teachers and the shopkeepers, the other students we'd play billiards with, go to the pub or the football club/dance hall.

Berkeley is still Kevin and Ammy, though neither of them has lived there in over 2 years (?).

Sacramento is my mom (and dad, though he's dead), my sister and her husband and my nephew, my high-school friends, and many of my pagan friends and Faire friends.

I'm in this weird limbo-space. Or a weird gypsy space, perhaps.
Heather Alexander's CD, "A Gypsy's Home" has a title song with the lyrics
Don't tell a gypsy she has no home...
My road is wide and my sky is tall
And before I die I will see it all...


At the moment, I don't feel like I'm supposed to put down permanent roots.
I feel like those plants my mom keeps in vases and glasses for YEARS before she puts them in dirt, if ever.

The potential of my current life is strange and wonderful. There is no fixed horizon, no concrete path.
It's a beautiful, terrifying thing.
But I won't "settle," not ever again.

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