labelleizzy: (how to eat an elephant)
Wednesday, January 30th, 2013 12:05 pm
I'm writing today because this subject is Relevant To My Interests at the moment. My house is cluttered and I need to put stuff away, throw stuff away, fold stuff up... Yeah. STUFF.

I'm sure most of us have heard the acronym KISS: it usually stands for Keep It Simple, Sweetie (if we are being kind to ourselves, which is something I DO strive to do)...

This is a good starting point for clutter clearing and house clearing. Keeping It Simple will look different to each one of us. It might mean making our bed every morning so we have one flat clear surface in our house to sit on. It might mean remember to recycle your food scraps out to the compost bin, because you want to keep food out of the landfills when it makes perfectly good dirt, if left alone long enough. =) It might mean OMG I HAVE TO CLEAR OFF MY DESK BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND THE BILLS!

Keep It Simple, to me, means build between one and three good habits at one time, no more than that. And don't kill yourself with guilt if you make a mistake, forget, or otherwise fuck up. Seriously. More good habits go down the toilet because we (the collective We of Puritannically-Inspired America or Western Civilization generally) kick ourselves so violently, and even quit trying when we make a mistake or fail to keep up with a particular habit, or else we spend time in self-castigation or self-loathing at our "inability" to Do Whatever It Is, Perfectly...

Especially if the Habit is a Should. (and THAT is another post, it deserves a detailed examination)

How do we teach children new skills? we encourage them to make mistakes and try again (unless we've got our ego involved in our kids being PERFECT, which I feel "should" be another dirty word, tbh...) How did I practice cross-country-skiing this weekend? I tried, failed, fell down, had to get help getting back up because I couldn't figure it out for myself.

We need to be forgiving of ourselves when we try something new. Be kind, and allow for errors, inconsistencies, and mistakes.

In service of that, let me offer another meaning for the acronym KISS, one that I find very useful in building my clutter-clearing habits:
Keep it Small and Significant.

To explain: OK y'all, I'm Pagan. *waves hello* I find it easier to do household tasks if I assign value or meaning to them beyond the "this has to get done" rationale. What I choose to do is to think of those tasks as service to something larger than myself. I sometimes dedicate tasks to the marriage (i.e. washing the dirty sheets or clearing off the bedroom bureau, which is what I did yesterday) or to my Patron Deity, Hestia (i.e. that's almost the only way you'll get me to wash the floors without someone else helping in the task.)

Keep it Small and Significant. Yesterday I cleared unnecessary things off the bureau, and selected a fresh tablecloth in springtime colors (Hey, I can anticipate!). Today I plan to take *everything* off the bureau, wipe down the surfaces and clean the dust off the candle and candle-plate, and re-make the bedroom "altar". Though, it's not really an altar, it's more like a meditation space.

returning to comment on clutter clearing: Over the weekend I went to visit family, and picked up a big mirror that used to be my grandmother's, and also a bag of smaller items that used to be hers. I know that my spouse doesn't really approve of me bringing more STUFF into the house, but I did it anyway. I have emotional clutter around her, my mom's mom, Inez. I feel the need to spend some time meditating on her and her life, and what she meant to me and to my mom, and by incorporating some of her former possessions into the new iteration of the meditation space, I hope to facilitate that work. This is SIGNIFICANT To Me. Which means that even taking more Things into my house? I'm okay with that, since the Things have a definite purpose.

So. Small and Significant. When my bedroom surfaces (and floor) are clear, I think better. Hell, when ALL my surfaces are clear I think MUCH better. But today I'm only going to hold myself accountable for the bedroom. Anything else I get done is gravy. (though I am fairly strongly motivated to clear off at least the kitchen table) (and that's what SMALL looks like to me.)

Small to me, means doable in a single session, usually between 15 minutes and an hour.
Significant can mean any of a number of things:
It will make Jeff happy. It will make me happy. I will enjoy looking at it. I will use the space if it is a) cleared, b) cleaned, c) empty, etc. We have friends coming over, and I want to be proud of my living space. We're coming up on a festival celebration and I want the whole house clean in honor of the festival.

You get the picture! Just remember: both Small and Significant will look different in how they want to manifest in YOUR life (as opposed to in MY life).

So this is my advice to you: Keep it Simple, Sweetie, and Keep it Small And Significant.

Next Post will be about Not Shoulding All Over Yourself.

ciao!
labelleizzy: (Default)
Wednesday, November 25th, 2009 04:10 pm
as seen on [livejournal.com profile] apocalypticbob's Livejournal.

15 years ago I was 25. That was the "existential birthday" because after 25, I hadn't imagined at all what my life would be like. I had detailed expectations for every year up till 25, then 26? No clue what I should be doing with myself. Interesting, I haven't thought of that in a long time.

At 25, 15 years ago, I was back living at home with my mom. My dad had just died, about 6 months earlier. We were living in a house we rented, very near to the school that she worked at (also my old junior high). Our house had a little cement and stones waterfall-pond in the backyard, and mom spent hours dredging out that pond, shortly after we moved in. We wanted to put some goldfish in it. We discovered, once it started raining, why it needed mud dredged out of it: the rest of the yard was on a slight upslope, and the dirt from the lawn and garden flowed down hill when the waterlogged dirt... yeah. =) I loved that yard: spending time watching the fish, practicing kata on the back porch. I had just started the librarian job in the Grant district, was doing taekwondo at the community college, and feeling physically strong for the first time in my life. Emotionally, not so strong, though.

Advice for the Me of Fifteen Years Ago: (Granted if I had taken it I wouldn't be where I am today:)

* Gods, DITCH Francis already. He's not emotionally available, he's sarcastic and unsupportive, his parents are clutterholics, and so is he. He wants to keep everything the same. This is not a relationship that will help you to grow.

* Keep up with the Taekwondo. But: find a mentor who you feel comfortable going to for help in breaking down complicated moves, find someone who you can ask stupid questions of, regularly (and get used to asking uncomfortable, stupid questions). Practice jumping kicks at home, and ask for specific drills involving falling and getting over the fear of falling. And if this Do-jang doesn't do that, find another class to take, because it was the fear of asking for help/looking foolish and the fear of falling and hurting yourself that caused the knee-sprain. Twice.

* When you realize after about a year that you are still PISSED at dad for dying and everything else, give a call to that 800 number for employee mental health, and find someone to talk to about this, keep calling till you find someone. It's not natural nor good for you to be angry for six years and to be unable to remember any of the good things about your father. Also, that headspace puts you as a good match for another emotionally unavailable, sarcastic first husband. =( Talking to people is a Good Thing, and asking for help, well, you won't get help unless you do, and you won't know if you'll get help UNTIL you do ask, so talk to people.

* In that same vein, say yes more often to social events with people you like and who like you. It's good for you and builds your self-esteem and the friendships with those people as well. (The number of social events I flaked on, to have a date with a boy who didn't really make me happy...!)

* Make more stuff. Actually USE your craft supplies, you'll be sorry you didn't. Make gifts for friends and family, even if you "don't think it's good enough". The pillow that Scotty saved the dog's hair to stuff? Make that first. =(

* Do more professional development in the librarian gig, and find more ways to interact with the kids. Follow up on the mobile mini-library idea for classroom projects. Pick the brains of the English and history teachers more. Go do social stuff with Sandy and Cathy and ask Regina and Sharon out to tea. Knowing smart, experienced, older ladies is Good. Also, look into academic counseling at Sac State, you won't finish the teaching credential your first time through, but they'll understand, what with dad dying. They might be able to help you stay on track or find support services, bereavement counseling, stuff like that.

* Call your brother more. Find out more about his life, his girlfriend Sarah, have him tell you more tacky fraternity stories and explain why his fraternity was so important to him. Ask him about the trip to Hawaii, and about coaching his baseball team. Find a way to get down there and go out to dinner with him and Sarah.

* Call your sister more. Even awkward conversation is better than no conversation. Get to know Matt, and you and Jen can learn ways to support each other, and to support mom (and Scott) as well, through the grieving period. (I don't have any memories of spending time with my sister during the first year after dad died. I may be misremembering but yeah.)

* Try casual dating, and dates-with-friends. Also, dates-with-self. Strengthen the muscles of independence and self-sufficiency.

* I'd say "purge the clutter" or "get rid of the crap" but I know the crap is a security blanket that isn't going anywhere till you feel better about yourself. In addition to working on your social skills and other crafty things, try going to Al-anon, and hell, learn more about being an Adult Child of Alcoholics. Fran gave you that book because she recognized where you were, even if you didn't. Believe her. Try a meeting.

* Learn to give yourself manicures and pedicures. Seriously, you ARE worth the effort to learn to do such small things that make you happy, make you feel pretty.

* Hug your mom more. Take her along when you go out to walk the dog. Talk to her more, ask for stories of your dad from college and when they were early dating.

* Take your mom out on social events as often as she will let you. She was very very lonely for a very long time, even married to your dad and with you kids and the social life she did have... and she was primary caretaker of your dad during his final illness, even if you helped. She deserves some good times with loving, friendly people, and she won't meet them on her own for over 10 years. Help her out, it'll help you out as well.

* Enjoy the pagan community you're on the verge of joining. Talk with those folks more often, they'll be good for you. Read the books they recommend, seriously, READ them. All the way through. And read some more original sources, too, and as much other mythology as you can lay your hands on. This will be more fun and more useful than getting lost in crappy romance novels. They're good people. If you have to be shy, be shy, but ask them about themselves, learn more about who they are, how they problem solve, and the obstacles they've had in their own lives. This will help you problems-solve, and overcome your own obstacles, and again, give you confidence in your friendship-building skills, coincidentally more friends as well. =)

* Just so you know, you are sexy, and there are often people who think you are cute and want to see more of you. Don't grip so hard onto a relationship because you are worried no more are going to come around. There is enough, you have enough, you are enough. Feed yourself before you feed EVERYBODY else around you. You know about being alone, it hurts but it's not the worst pain ever.

* BTW, the worst pain ever? It's yet to come. You will handle it, and you will learn what you're made of, and it will open your eyes to who and what you are, where you are, and what your path is. It's a kind of birth. Remember that, and treat it as such.

* Be honorable, and be honest. Live by those two rules as much as you can, and treat yourself with kindness and respect.


... If you like, write a letter to the Yourself of Fifteen Years Ago, (assuming you're old enough to have figured out some life-lessons to share with that Yourself), and share with me.
labelleizzy: (awesome)
Friday, November 7th, 2008 11:35 am
my dear friend Sarah is coming to visit from London for two weeks! She'll be splitting her time between me and her other bestest friend from Aberystwyth, Jenn (who I gather lives in SF!)

OMG this is going to be fun!!

Recommends for nature walks, cool shopping venues or farmers markets, cultural events that are "must-do's" and upcoming social events and invitations to dinner between the 14th and the 30th, hereby being solicited!

She's a foodie, too, so I know I'm taking her to Oliveto's and Luna Ristorante and probably to Greens and Millenium (Unless Jenn takes her out to one of those last two instead... LOL < /feeling competitive>)



Advice? Suggestions? Bueller? Bueller?
labelleizzy: (inclusive)
Monday, February 18th, 2008 09:28 pm
Pantheacon was wonderful. I got to do some hanging out with [livejournal.com profile] battymaiden, [livejournal.com profile] ribbin, [livejournal.com profile] deedeebythebay, [livejournal.com profile] ladynanook. [livejournal.com profile] thats_ms_dragon, [livejournal.com profile] weirdodragoncat, [livejournal.com profile] inflectionpoint, [livejournal.com profile] zpdiduda, [livejournal.com profile] ag_unicorn, and the kids. the kids were great. Also, ran into [livejournal.com profile] phantomdancer yesternight in the lobby and had a lovely steak dinner together.

I had a fortuitous meeting on Saturday(?) with [livejournal.com profile] qos (I mentioned her name to someone else and she was 5 feet away in the foyer!) and we had lunch. I am somewhat sad about missing her workshop at 3 today, but enjoyed chatting and getting acquainted earlier. I was just FRIED by 1 pm today.

([livejournal.com profile] mitrian, I'm sorry we didn't get to connect. *sad face* however, it was an excellent weekend.)

Highlights:

the OMG Pombagira!!
the Kali Puja
the Iron Pentacle Working with Veedub
Engaging The Warrior's Heart with Thorn Coyle
I have Runes! And snakes! and played a little with drums! (wish I'd done that more)
the Huna workshop earlier today
the concert with RJ Stewart and Kaitlin Matthews
giving away my Wisteria seedpods...
Getting Ribboned
Giving away "Love is a Verb." slips
Hail Caffeina!
Getting Henna'd and getting advice on motherhood from Renu (hugs go to her!)

-----
things to remember:

"There is no part of me that is not of the Gods" - Veedub
"All parts of me are of the Gods" - me

-----
Huna Philosophy:
Uni'hi'pi'li - Childself, childlike holds memory, connected with earth, body, physical maint.
U'ha'ne - Upperself, spirit of social interaction, spends a lot of time wanting to be loved, frequently
gives orders to Uni'hi'pi'li
Au'ma'ku'a - the Godself - work towards an alignment of the three souls.

(note to self.)
Bearcubs wrestling - biggest one almost always wins.
Waterfall flows to Lake.
Lake Dammed by network of beavers.
Bears come to drink at Lake, to hunt and fish near the Lake.

Each Bear must hunt and fish independantly in order to get skilled, in order to feed themselves and each other, and to learn how to STOP FIGHTING.

**What kinds of relationships do I form with other people?

-----

Lyrics: (Check with D and L to confirm melody)
In all of my power I open up
In all my strength I rise
In all of my power I open up
I'm reaching for the skies

Open to power
Reach for love
Open to power
Reach for love
Open to power
Reach for love
Open to power
Reach for love

also:
Commitment => Honor => Truth => Strength => Compassion => Commitment.

"What are the gods on the altar of your mind?"

Self-Possession.
Keep your Hara firm.
Find all your Parts and Love them.
Find out what you want. Start there.
Practice builds its own momentum. Do it everyday.
Till sometime it becomes more interesting to do the Work than to feed the distractions.
What is my commitment? And what am I going to DO about it?


And read more about the Iron Pentacle.
(Feri is fun but it's not my path - think they'd be AWESOME to hang out with and do Work with though - the energy is FANTASTIC.)

...OK, not so brief. *wry grin*

Lemme know if this is too long & should be behind a cut. kthxbai
*returns to lesson planning*
labelleizzy: (Default)
Tuesday, January 1st, 2008 07:49 pm
I am hearing good things from my f-list about what people want to accomplish, achieve, or change in this new year.

After reading what [livejournal.com profile] noelfigart had to say about planning and goalsetting, though, I realized that my main priorities for this year fall into 5 main categories. Tidy, that.

1) Simplify.
2) Get Stronger.
3) Network.
4) Plan.
5) Practice.

I think I will enjoy exploring/writing about each of those in turn. Or not.

Fairly self explanatory. And I've written reams over the last what- 4 years? I've been on Livejournal?

Simplicity will be good.
labelleizzy: (nanowrimo)
Tuesday, July 8th, 2003 01:19 pm
...sometimes I think I am a freak for taking pleasure in things no one else talks about.
... sometimes i think i am a child for taking pleasure in things that are "too simple."

* beautiful blue skies and crisp fresh air
* a dandelion in flower, growing up thru the sidewalk cracks...
* clean ears after a shower or bath (yay Q-tips!)
* eating really good food when I'm really hungry
* being busy or engrossed in something really cool to the extent that I forget to eat....
* swimming, jacuzzi, floating, feeling my hair spread out in the water...
* dancing along in my house with a favorite radio song, and feeling that I somehow have "nailed it" - I dunno, moving just with the rhythm, using muscles I don't usually use...
* a much needed haircut - great satisfaction in this
* saying something that makes a friend grin, who I don't see often enough to really KNOW what makes them grin...
* completion of a small but necessary task
* cuddles & great conversation
* laughing till my ribs hurt or I'm gasping for breath
* making someone else laugh uncontrollably
* a wicked, flirty smile (mine or someone else's)
* being "in the zone" while freeway driving - utterly aware of other drivers' patterns, and even anticipating trouble... (thank you, Hermes!)
* good hair days (ok, sometimes I'm a little shallow)
* sunlight shading green through late-afternoon sun-dappled branches...
* a long, close hug where you trust the person enough to lay your head on their chest, or on top of their head, and leave it there for awhile...

... and there's so much more!
But, I have a date with a friend for a tutorial on MS Office Suite, and I'm gonna go do that thing.

Ok, on the job front, have applied to 2 jobs at UCDavis, have to review the other 5 for due-dates and requirements, and have to mail hard copy of the second UCDavis app with my resume, today.

Thanks to everyone who has been offering support and commentary. It makes me feel not-so-alone in the jobhunting challenge.