Be the change you want to see.

I've now invited two strangers in australia to read my fic.

I'd ask what in the hell am I thinking but I'm pretty sure I know. They asked, I offered. I may never know if they did read it, but I certainly am proud of my work. Not ashamed.

curious.

I recommended "Pest Control" to Jeff's co worker who asked after my Marvel fic tonight. At least the slashfic is outside that fandom. *shrug*

wow. Busy fuckin' month, actually.

i started September with Burning Man and ended September with a flight home after a week in new york.

in between all that personal stuff (packing and unpacking, making memories and food and friends) the USA exploded again

these hearings for rage flailing alcoholic brett kavanaugh have got me and a lot of other people triggered AF.

the ONLY good thing about it is how everyone is actually talking about sexual assault, microaggressions, and shit like the gendered language and gendered biases a lot of us have never examined thoroughly before now.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/movies/news/catherine-hardwicke-broke-records-with-‘twilight’-then-hollywood-labeled-her-‘difficult’

^^^ one article i just read where gender bias and gendered language ... shit i don't even really have the words for THIS. Prevented a qualified director from other jobs she was PRETTY DAMN FUCKING QUALIFIED FOR. So that the jobs could all get given to men.

so women (& other non-men) are finally looking at and expressing their rage. over a lifetime of bullshit that's been dumped on them. and the good men are listening.

But a lot of men are being dicks about everything and trying to sweep this tidal wave of uncovered feeling, back into the sea.

*smirk* Good luck with that boys! hah

I did not have the language to talk about my own sexual assault when i was 21. I didn't even realize it WAS a sexual assault, a violation of my no, an intentional boundary breach, for almost a year afterwards.

my college had a Take Back The Night rally. this was fall of 1991.

I remember some fuckin dudebros. Our chant as we marched was "whatever we wear, where ever we go, yes means yes and no means no!"

the fuckin dudebros yell back from the shadows, "no means yes, yes means anal!"
*fuming, 27 years later*

Our basic assumptions are DIFFERENT AS FUCK. Because "Patriarchy? you're SOAKING IN IT!"

i have a lot, a LOT of feelings about all of this shit. Kavanaugh is being brought face to face with his own privilege and is being called OUT on the damage his thoughtless actions caused... but the same kind of calling out didn't prevent 45 from being inaugurated (I'm NOT going to say ELECTED because he WASN'T).

So much to do! Thank fuck for therapy. I'm going to make concrete plans to hang out more often with women and other folks who are also enraged and ready to take action.

***I'll try to come back and write in more detail about all the amazing things I got to do and see in September, part of why the braindump is needed here is to acknowledge recent fucked-upness and to revisit it when I have more of a plan.

Healing progress report.
Grip strength decent ish. Some tingles and pins/needles when I use the full hand/put pressure on it to do things. Feels like my nerves are still confused. Still waking up swollen every damn morning. Got a chiropractor appointment for tomorrow and I think Larry will be able to adjust shoulder-elbow-wrist-finger for some damn relief. Ring and pinky finger are still too swollen -stiff to fold, though thumb adjustment mentioned in the last post is holding, no pain/swelling on that side anymore.

Preparing to leave on a trip Friday. Today's for packing lists and laundry, a haircut, and some minor repairs. Oh, and ordering bikini tops for express delivery, heh.

Time to get to work!

Life.
Life changes.
Life changes constantly.
Life changes unexpectedly.

There is no wisdom here. This counts as an "everybody knows this" maxim.
But it's certainly SOMETHING to go look at your beloved year-abroad University from 20 years ago (this year) and discover (on Google Maps) that there is STUFF there, structures and reputable companies, that POST-date my tenure there... That even the NAME of the university has altered.

Everything.
Everything changes.
Everything changes constantly.
Everything changes unexpectedly.

But then,
the change which is unexpected to the outside observer,
no doubt feels perfectly inevitable to the individual, company, or group experiencing the change.

If this then is about expectation,
perhaps the Buddhist suggestion to release expectations is one of the best advice ever.
perhaps the Buddhist suggestion to cultivate Child-mind is one of the best advice ever.

got to have a lovely bbq with starfinn, blackbeard88, kandykizz (sp?) and felinasm, with other nice non-LJ using friends and family...

and to get there, I got to drive over the NEW BENICIA BRIDGE. **SQUEE!!!**

so nice, so quick, so smooth, and dedicated fastrak lanes that just DON'T SLOW DOWN at all!

*sigh*

it will be easier and less stressful now to go visit my mom, my friends on the other side of the benicia straits, Davis folk, and all.

*happy dance*