labelleizzy: (Default)
Having this broken hand , has been a whole exercise in how to put up with doing things imperfectly. (she says as she edits the post)

Dictation at the moment, speech-to-text, it's one of the accommodations I started using pretty early on in the healing process after breaking the base of my pinky and top off of my radius my right hand , on New Year's Eve. Doing things imperfectly doesn't come easy to me. More prone to refusing to try to do something. I'm more likely to give up easy after trying to do something if it doesn't come easy. One positive thing for me about the ADHD: learning that that's a trait! it's a thing about the way that this kind of brain works.

But actually I was swimming (wtf? not even close to what I said) to post about this today because had a lovely visit with Allison and Fritz , including a delicious dinner, a seriously delicious dinner. But something about walking into their house today for some reason gave me an insight into something new that I needed to do for my hand? I suddenly flashed on there was a new place to try to massage and stretch that I hadn't tried before.

Maybe this has to do somehow with Alison being a massage therapist but anyway I found some incredibly painful and Incredibly needed places in between my fingers to massage right at the point where the fingers' flesh joins each other to become the hand and had a breakthrough! (sudden breakup/breakdown of incredibly tight fascia according to Alison.)

I woke up a little while ago or half woke up cuz it's quarter to 5 in the morning right now, full moon is still out and shining through the bedroom window, I woke myself up massaging my hand again and doing Hand Therapy again. It feels different now, than it did yesterday because of the work I was figuring out how to do today and then Allison worked on my hand a little bit too which also helped and she had a heating kind of massage oil which seems to be very effective so high hopes for the flexibility in the healing of my hand and arm to maybe we've turned up what do they call it maybe I've turned a corner? I think that's the right turn of phrase so I just wanted to get up, empty my brain for a minute, and I'm going to have to edit this later because speech to text never works perfectly.

Hopefully I'll be able to go get some more sleep now. And forgive all the weird word choices from this very very stream of consciousness post. And wish me well with my hand? Suddenly feeling much less angra vated (wtf speech to text that's not even a word?) AGGRAVATED with it and the long long time it has been taking to heal.

thanks for listening.
labelleizzy: (i dance)
wow.
this weekend I went with my friend Chelsea to a 3-day workshop for the dance form we both study in, called Open Floor, or Five Rhythms...
it was such an amazing experience, that I still can't, partly don't want to, wrap words around it.
the kind of time that feels like you'll break the spell if you try too hard to describe it, too precious to try to explain.

Here's the KIND of weekend it was though: flirty fun floaty flowy.

I danced and moved and explored and stretched and didn't take long breaks for the entirety of the session. Fri 7-10 pm, Sat 11-2 and 3-6, Sunday 2-7 with a break at 4:30-5.

So call it thirteen hours of being carried along by the dance and the moving and the community and the exploration of what my physical self is capable of. Beautiful, ugly, silly, boring, all of it, range of motion, all the different moods and impulses that the music and our teachers encouraged to come out.

Aside from emotional and self esteem shift-change-improvements, the physical improvements are tremendous.
my shoulders feel totally liberated, I can move them n all kinds of directions, watch my collarbones be mobile (what??)
and late on Saturday I had THE most painful kind of muscle cramp, in my low right abdominals, at first I was like, shit I overworked them but I dug my fingers into the muscle to try to support them (through the deep belly fat) while they cramped, breathed and hollered a little (I was actually sat down in the loo when this triggered, heh)

but when the cramp finally released me and I was able to stand up again, there was this... only way to describe it, freedom, open space, liberation? in my belly and my hip and leg and belly and back were straighter, looser, more limber... I had a new rotation in that hip, as I discovered when we returned to the dance floor, a new violence was possible in my movements, explosive and HUGE.

I need to move this some more, because it's immense and gorgeous, after seventeen years after the initial injury, this precious body has found strength and release and liberation.

I wasn't larger than this body, or smaller than this body, but exactly body-sized; and everything was full of flow and amazement.

I have a completely different belief about what I'm physically capable of now, and the crunchy painful fear and worry has softened and melted and released and ALLOWED.

...Right now, if you're reading this: for just a moment, roll your neck gently, move your shoulders around in circles, twist your torso, wiggle your hips, flex your feet. If like me, you tend to sit a lot, take a moment to check in with your body and love it with some movement.

and that's what I have for now. Got a busy day today, looking forward to it.

labelleizzy: (strong)
Not sure how to make this post coherent. Perhaps a list.

  • Test results received late last night/early this morning before I went to bed. Congratulations, it's Diabetes! =(
  • Congratulations, it's also high LDL cholesterol! (fuck.) At least Triglycerides and HDL were where they're supposed to be.
  • Good workout today with Tal, and I told her about the blood tests. She is being strict with me, she wants me to up my gym visits to four times per week, to make SURE I do ten to 15 minutes of interval training on the treadmill Every Time I Come In, because cardio is my big challenge. We talked about Metformin and researching my situation (which is both hypothyroid/Hashimoto's and diabetes) and about seriously building my stamina and strength.
  • as a matter of fact, one thing Tal said deserves its own bullet point. I'm not to use the elliptical anymore for my warmups, I'm to use the treadmill and do the interval work for fifteen minutes because "the elliptical is fine for people who are just starting or who are recovering. You are neither." This pleases me MIGHTILY.
  • Wonderful to run into [livejournal.com profile] wrenb at the gym, we had time for a cup of coffee and a chat that I found very nourishing and therapeutic.
  • On a related note, my brain weasels are still telling me that DIABETES=DEATH (because my dad had diabetes when he died) so I will encourage EVERYONE to share diabetes success stories if you know any. Stupid damn brain weasels. At least I know they're there, so I can deal with them.
  • Feeling strong and warm and sore, had a wonderful workout Wednesday and today, and a serious chiseling-out massage yesterday because Danniel is back working at Massage Envy. And he's added some new strokes to his repertoire. And I gave him a double tip yesterday because that was aMAzing, and because I could. Whew, I was flying on endorphins!
  • I've gotten some links from [livejournal.com profile] sarahmichigan re: hypothyroid and I'm working on finding reliable info on diabetes and "eating diabetic".
  • Doctor's office has me in for three appointments next week: I get a blood sugar monitor and a lesson on how to use it, I am seeing the optometrist or opthalmologist (not sure which) so they can check out my eyeballs and (one assumes) start a baseline, and there's a class on, I think, diabetic nutrition. I'll be busy looking after my health next week, what with extra workouts and everything.
  • And, since ten things makes a list, I'm going to go find something delicious to have for lunch. And now I know how to balance the plate: 1/2 vegetables, 1/4 protein, 1/4 hopefully complex carbs.


Life. Is complicated. I've never been so happy to be unemployed in my LIFE, except when I had the knee surgery and could just spend my time recovering and doing PT.

Honey, [livejournal.com profile] eeyore42? I'm sorry I'm not working but I'm glad I can narrow my focus and Deal With This as completely as possible.
labelleizzy: (creating yourself)
Today's massage was pretty darn good. This was the first time in recent memory that I showed up for a massage with nothing actually hurting or needing the therapeutic work. So on the therapist's suggestion, I opted for a relaxation massage. That was nice, and he (he and I are new at working together) seemed much more comfortable in this mode than the sports-therapy massage I requested two weeks ago. So that went well.

I'd had Wrenb drop me off for my appointment, we'd been doing errands together, so I opted to walk home via the bike trail. Less than two miles, I figured...
(How tough could it be, right?)

Oh dear.

Upside: no muscles are sore, my back is fine and my endurance for such things is hugely increased over the last time I took a long walk like this.

Downside? My shoes/boots weren't entirely the optimal choice for a long walk down the asphalt bike path. No heel blisters, thank Hermes, but I have blisters. Under my calluses. On the balls of both feet.

And the first of the early morning workouts with Tal and Tshuma. Like ready to work at 8 am early, when I usually roll out of bed between 8 and 8:30 kind of thing.

Oh well. I'll make it march somehow, and Tal probably has ane encyclopedia of things I could work on without straining foot blisters.

I have faith. Tomorrow will be good, and I will work hard, because I want to be tougher and stronger.

That's that.

Now to check in on Spouse and Tshuma, and rustle myself some more food.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

labelleizzy: (i dance)
Monday was a giant success in the Moving My Body department.
Matter of fact, I'm more than a bit sore today, in ways I haven't in weeks and weeks, so that's good.
(it's good because SORE is different than Injured or Impaired.)

Monday morning I met [livejournal.com profile] wrenb at the gym for to try a new yoga class. Hadn't had a Hatha Yoga class in, well, at least a couple of years. *shrug* been doing other things, haven't had enough interest to go there, and it had seemed that the so-called Gentle Yoga was serving my yoga needs... But this Hatha class was very enjoyable and a good amount of challenge while not being a huge strain. Even if the teacher did look at me among others (I think I was the only roundy woman in the room) when she asked if any of us were new to yoga, I didn't mind. I was mildly amused, and smiled gently at her.

And then it was quite a good and thorough workout. The sacroiliac joint, where my chiropractor was working on me previously, made quite the series of long crackly readjustments toward the end of the session during a hip twisting stretch before savasana. It never hurts, but it still feels strange, like ... like pulling apart warm rice crispy treats. Only with a crunch with every stretch.

After Yoga, I spent some time with [livejournal.com profile] wrenb, her husband, and her kids at a local park for part of the afternoon, then went home, took care of various personal and house things, and had something to eat before meeting [livejournal.com profile] wrenb again for dance...5Rhythms in Mountain View. They meet, WE meet, at the Masonic Temple and use their ballroom for dancing. It's a HUMONGOUS lot of fun, although it's also challenging. Claire, the teacher, encourages all kinds of heart-centered meditation practices, and often has us try new exercises meant to break through the walls around our hearts, or break through our fears and engrained habits of self-image.

Claire ran an exercise last night that I know as a theater game... Everyone circles up. Then the teacher starts with simple statements: Walk across the circle if you identify as male. ...as female ... as somewhere in between (two people I like, crossed the circle at that point, visually seeming as one of each gender).

Questions moved to a popcorn format eventually: Have you ever had your heart broken, have you ever been divorced, have you lost a parent, are you a grandparent, did you have a challenging day, did you have a good day, did you identify as other than heterosexual? (I walked for that one.) Have you lost an SO or a child? Are you now or have you been dealing with cancer. (I walked for that one as well, though a tiny bit of skin cancer hardly feels /worthy/, you know? But my little brother Scott died from cancer, so did my uncles Leo (leukemia) and Dino (skin cancer gone metastatic) and my cousin Jeff (testicular, he was only 6 months older than me), so fuck that, I will keep it in mind)

I danced a LOT. and I made an effort to dance with other people. 5 Rhythms isn't like ballroom or country dances, everyone dances alone most of the time, but people play together occasionally, in twos or threes or occasionally in hug-circles kind of things. It was good.

It wasn't an effort, like it usually is, to let someone come ask me (nonverbally) for contact or play. It flowed well, and was fun, silly, joyful. My native state. =D

More of this. Moving is joyful.
labelleizzy: (changing habit)
I'm not getting to the gym, and muscles and joints have been getting painfully crunchy, and I'm not even exaggerating.

So last night I picked up the 5# hand weights I thought I'd graduated out of, and sort of danced with my upper body only. Swimming motion, Tae Kwon Do punching motions, swooping motions, tennis-racket and baseball-bat motions, until I was tired. Tried to find all the ways of moving that *hurt*, tbh. Not hurt like HURT, but hurt like OMG I can't believe I haven't moved that muscle in so long! I think I haven't done any damage, i.e neither elbows nor wrists nor thumbs nor shoulder joints are sore... and I do feel much more flexible and stronger again.

I think I will do the same or similar tonight. Especially since I will soon be on a plane for 8 hours? Nine hours? yuck.

Need to go make plans for a decent dinner. Maybe I will take my sweet husband out for dinner... oh crap, it's VALENTINE'S day. Never mind! I think we will order a pizza or something, damn. Or maybe he will let me come join him for dinner at Google. That could be fun.

*goes to find the phone*
labelleizzy: (strong)
Physical therapy went really well today.

10 minutes hard riding on the bicycle (unfortunately with some old white guys stuffed with Old White Guy Privilege on the bicycles next to me, partly why I went hard on the bicycle, to distract myself from Saying Something)

then I stretched a little and told Janet a little about dancing last night, and then she had me jump up onto the 4" step. Hop forward, and step back down. Forward, and hop off forward. Then (this was the part I was scairt of last time) hop up sideways from the right, and hop back the same way. Twice to prove the first time wasn't a fluke (wink). Then hop up the other sideways (from the left), and hop off.

and I wasn't scairt this time! but I also realized "hey, I never did this before in my pre-surgery life either, so, it's understandable to be a little scairt." And then I felt better about having been scairt and not trusting my right knee to Do The Thing, the first time.

and then, and THEN. She had me get on the treadmill and walk-jog. I was actually running! Whoo-hoo! Not very fast, and not very long, but running!

And after that, I was walking to cool down and she'd printed and brought over my List Of Goals for PT from awhile ago... "so you've started dancing again... Bicycling outside? Walking? Yoga?" I said how I do yoga at home but haven't tried a class since the surgery. She said, do the yoga carefully, with modifications, blocks and such. Then she reminded me I'd said I want to do rock climbing... she said, go ahead.

GO AHEAD. Though at the lowest, carefullest level. (eeee!)

She also said it looked like after one or two more sessions, if I keep up being physically active, I could probably be discharged from physical therapy.

(!!!!!)

Oh Gods, I'm high! from that and how good it feels to move and how it doesn't hurt or buckle or do weird things. It feels so good to move! I feel strong and healthy and so very very blessed today!
labelleizzy: (strong)
Had a physical therapy appointment today. It was an hour long, with Janet, who I like. I like all the physical therapists I've worked with. We don't get into political conversations, for example, where we might find out about our clashes, and the power dynamic is always very clear: she is the teacher, I am the student, I ask questions and clarifications, and I receive homework.

(grin)

Today went pretty well, considering I've wanted to go to the gym more, walk more, bike more, than I have actually done. Tried a weird-form-factor recumbent bike that they have there. It had this hitch to the pedaling where the mechanism seemed to work best if you spent equal force on the pushing out on the pedal and also on the pulling back on the pedal. So I think my hamstrings liked that part. =)

She got me on the treadmill, set it for .9 mph, and had me walk backwards. Win! I love that kind of thing, was telling her about the Waldorf kids walking and skipping backwards... she said, I don't know what that's like, I'm going to have to try that at home. So I have a new treadmill routine for the gym. (I'm probably going to warm up with the bike or with quick walking first) I walk ten paces, forward slow. I rotate 90 degrees and do sideways traveling with a mild squat-form. Rotate 90 and walk backwards 20 paces, count it as ten right-foot paces. Rotate 90 and sideways traveling on the other side, leading with the left, and then ten slow paces forward. It's going to be interesting trying that at the gym.

Did well on the hamstring curl, the ... press-thingy whose name escapes me at the moment, squats. Where Janet noted a particular improvement for me, and I had to admit it too, was in the balance department.
The tools they have... not sure tool is exactly the correct word... for balance include a squishy foam pad about the same form factor as a phone book (and they had one of those too, only wrapped completely in duck tape) and a round balance board with an underside like the bottom third of an exercise ball.

I actually could stand fairly securely on both, both-feet and single-foot balance! My ankles and the rest of my legs are developing this dynamic-stability strength. Feels pretty satisfying. Making good progress.

Told her my scar's gone completely flat, can't feel it through clothes anymore... she liked that. (so do I)
Also mentioned I'm planning to engage a trainer at the gym. She thought for a bit and said, That should be ok. But no jumping or running, the hamstring curl machine is okay but the machine that makes you straighten your leg, avoid that. Don't hyper-extend your leg. She also suggested that big free-weight lifting for the upper body when I'm standing should be avoided, to use the machines instead, especially if they let me stay seated.

No ballroom yet. (sigh) I can see her point though. The chaos and confusion, the dodging other dancers at the last minute... yeah. I can dance with Jeff in the living room though, and I'll try to invite him to do this more often. =) Told her (and it's only true) that I want to be on the ballroom floor comfortably (and hopefully pain free) when I'm 50, 60, 70.

Slow and steady, right? Ok.
labelleizzy: (planets to save!)
Hi LJ!

Been offline for two days. It's been surprisingly good; rewarding and productive. My house looks better than it has since we moved in, I cleared almost all the surfaces (including the floors, I could actually sweep in here and probably will in honor of Samhain before I leave for class tonight...) I threw a bunch of stuff away, recycled a bunch of stuff, and took at least 40 pounds to goodwill (my mom's trivet collection was HEAVY... *g*)

Saw the podiatrist yesterday for the pain I've been feeling in my right foot. It's been on the top of my foot and making me limp a bit, enough that I was worried about doing my back an injury or insult again. (it's happened before when I have been gimpy!) We looked at my x-rays and nothing was broken. *whew* and wow, what they can do with x-rays now! they were sent directly to his computer, like 15 minutes after they were taken, and he could tweak the resolution to clear up the picture in case the tech only took a mediocre picture... measure my bones in their real sizes, right there on the screen, it was pretty wow.

he manipulated my Rt. foot a bit before we looked at the x-rays, and a bit more afterward... he also checked out my calf and shin for a bit, and then he explained what he could see on the x-rays.

The places I was feeling more pain were metatarsals 2 and 3, though all 4 of the smaller metatarsals were sore! (as I discovered once he was pressing firmly on each one and I was yelping! And this is true on BOTH FEET!) On the x-rays he measured and showed me how 2 and 3 (the bones just next to the big-toe bone) were measurably thicker in the dense, structural bone, than 4 and 5.

Then he explained why that is: my calves (and I assume by extension, my hamstrings) are SO TIGHT that they are putting stress on the arch-bones of my foot! (No shit, there I was!) Mind-blowing...! He also explained that the reason I love my Chakos (and by extension the mules from Keen) is the slight heel (on top of the arch support); calf muscles like that make the body want to walk on its toes all the time (hum, that explains why I sit with my heels up on the chairlegs all the time when I'm on the computer!) The stress from the muscle constantly pulling works to strengthen the bones, but taken too far, you can get stress fractures... and DO. NOT. WANT.

The PT for this crazy tension, is to do those calf-lengthening stretches, hanging your heels off the kerb, sort of thing, but this morning I've been exploring my body's flexibility and it feels like, well, EVERYTHING is tight - hams, obliques, quads, the IT band, adductors, abductors, and the little trapezoid-shape over my lower back... (let's not even BRING my shoulders and neck into it right now...) Had a lovely massage from a new guy at Massage Envy Wed night, but you couldn't prove it by me today. (Ow.)

So yesterday after coming back from my appt, I did some more housework and organization, put some Rush on (Snakes and Arrows, for those who know) and was trying to dance and move around the place. Yeah, all kinds of muscular tension, ALL OVER.

I've been saying for a long time that I wanted to get fit, get strong, inhabit my body more, but now I have literally SEEN what it does. WOW. Sitting on my ass for too long is double-PLUS-ungood!

You'll see me moving a lot more in the upcoming years, and for the rest of my life. Thank goodness I'm in the Waldorf program, it's really about learning BALANCE between the realms of your life - artistic, physical/kinesthetic, mind, spirit, social...

My habits are changing. Which means folk won't find me here QUITE as often, but _I_ will DEFINITELY be healthier for it.

And now I think I will get dressed and go for a walk to the grocery store.
labelleizzy: (not the best day)
or if you do drink and walk, watch where the hell you put your foot...

argh.
Last night was Wine and Song at [livejournal.com profile] thechoirloft, and I got to say hello to and get hugs from [livejournal.com profile] cortneyofeden and [livejournal.com profile] ef2p before they had to scram. Got to admire Chris's baby daughter Veronica, and some brief baby-talkin' with his lady (whose name I did not catch.) Had some good conversation with [livejournal.com profile] zpdiduda, [livejournal.com profile] blackberry74, [livejournal.com profile] vvvexation, and [livejournal.com profile] trekster, among others. I also got pettin's from [livejournal.com profile] trekster, she was very snuggly and that was nice cos I have been skin-hungry for awhile.

I wasn't even "drunk", just somewhat merry, and I saw OOOH! Fire! out in the backyard as [livejournal.com profile] coyote3405 lit a bonfire with old Christmas pine branches...

so I went out to help, I said, "Oh, can I..."
*whups*
*OwFuckOwFuck OW!*
as I rolled my ankle in the water-gutter they have in their backyard.
I did NOT break the wineglass, which Mark said was good since it was their almost-last one of the set. *woot*
I DID bend myself fairly spectacularly...

however many rushed to help me minimize the damage - props go to [livejournal.com profile] brian1789 who ran inside immediately and fetched out an icepack (- thanks, Jay, the injury surely would have been a fair bit worse today without that quick action), [livejournal.com profile] thats_ms_dragon, who kept me company outside and firmly fetched me water when I asked for another glass of wine - she is teh smart, cos lord knows with a sprained ankle I did NOT need more vasodilation! Others came by to chat and check in, which again was nice, and comforting.

Down side was, I had REALLY been looking forward to soaking in the tub... but the ankle would have swolled up as big as my head if I had, so, *regretfully noting the necessity* I look forward to doing so another time.

After a wee bit of elevating the leg propped up on the patio chair, I hobbled inside and conned [livejournal.com profile] celticmoni into letting me have the chair with the leg-rest. Good conversation there, and I got to observe her L33+ M0M skillz in practice... she's endlessly patient, respectful, and loving with her Sprout. I admire that a LOT. Mark came back to hide from the thinning crowds and play solitaire for a bit. [livejournal.com profile] celticmoni got the Sproutling's socks and shoes back on to head home, and I curled up on the bed he abandoned (not before he'd enjoyed MUCH bouncing on the bed LOL) under various shoulder-wraps and lap-throws for a bit of a nap.

Eventually we-all realized how late it was getting, while Rebecca (LJ handle?) discovered a mix-up that had meant her keys, cell phone, and sweatshirt going home instead with [livejournal.com profile] choirboypuppy, and that got sorted out while [livejournal.com profile] eeyore42 and [livejournal.com profile] deedeebythebay and I kept her company...

Then Jeff helped me to walk down the driveway-that-is-a-fairly-steep-hill and brought Percy over close so I didn't have to walk so far to get into the car.

Hobbled into the house, piled into bed after I found the ACE bandage, wrapped myself up pretty adequately, took 600 mg Ibuprofen, and fell into sleep (this was pushing 2:30 am IIRC). About 7 or so the ankle woke me again, I schlepped my ass into bathroom for more Ibuprofen, unwrapped the ankle (it was throbbing), and ZONK was out again till nearly 1 pm. Probably the smartest thing I could have done under the circumstances - which were me sleep-dep all week on TOP of this recent injury... Yeah.

I was stretching a little and checking range of motion with my leg and foot, but Then Jeff Woke Me The Best Way, and I also got to make "dessert" for him which was way cool, and then I re-wrapped my ankle after cleaning up, and he made us brunch with a sausage-and-pepper stirfry which we ate with tortilla chips and sour cream. Yum. Jeff also told me that he was proud of me for how I handled my injury, and I said thanks but I couldn't have been so calm about it without so many people helping take care of me, which was indeed awesome of everyone.

Now, I'm having more tea and reading a cheep Mercedes Lackey Valdemar novel, and I'm going to go back to that right after finishing this and checking email briefly.

Hope y'all had a ... um, less PAINFUL Friday night than mine. *grin*

Yay for people who will take care of me after I hurt myself. *rah*

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