Be the change you want to see.

+ I got a job interview...
+ ...at a Waldorf school
+ and liked Njeri and the co-teacher who will take the second grade in the fall, very much indeed
+ and they were favorably impressed with me (liked my art! eee!)
+ and wanted to find a way to make this job work for me, including suggesting that we could try to have teaching experience at that school count as my third year practicum.
+ they want me to tell them if I am willing to teach a demo lesson. To the first grade, before school starts, even. Um. With the parents in the room observing, also. Double um. Amazing to get that offer, seriously, even if the idea intimidates me a little, really amazing to have that offered to me. It's making me think deeply about what I want to teach to the first grade, how, with what methods and techniques

However, to follow the example of a wise friend of mine, I think I want to make different mistakes in my life, so I should hopefully have the opportunity to learn something new...

I have already taken teaching jobs against my better judgment, where I didn't feel I was properly qualified for the subject and well-grounded in my teaching practice (or my personal life, for that matter!)...

Teaching drama was one hell of an adventure, I learned a lot, but I don't EVER want to teach-by-the-seat-of-my-pants again. I want to really know what I'm doing and why, well enough to explain it to anyone with questions about what I'm doing, and why. I am nowhere near that when it comes to First Grade curriculum *or* classroom management at that age.

It will be a different mistake, saying no, but I feel it is the honorable choice both for my growth and development as a professional, and for the children who will be in that classroom.

Instead I am choosing to boost signal about this job opening for others who might be drawn to the opportunity, and hope Njeri finds the proper teacher for her incoming first grade. Have sent email to Lisa Anderson at my teacher training program, and have linked to Njeri's website on Twitter, where I have several Waldorf schools I follow and who follow me.

Perhaps I can be the bridge between a need and filling that need. The idea is very satisfying, though I may never find out if I *did* help. I'm okay with that.


*** now, back to finish my homework!

Just Three Things I'm taking away from this week of substitute teaching.

1) Speak professionally and spartanly with high school students, be precise in my language and in expressing my expectations & standards, and work to not over-share. (jessica's waldorf-kindergarten challenge to not speak until spoken to by students, would work surprisingly well in another independently-motivated high school classroom.)

2) Do The Right Thing, always, even if it's a day or two delayed.

3) At the end of the day, Doing More Good is actually a pretty simple balance to maintain. Respect, helpfulness, friendliness, and taking care of the students, are why I'm there. Substitute teachers are a necessary gap-filler, we serve an essential purpose. Good to remember.

that's all I got right now, the nap earlier this afternoon is still Sucking What Little Brain I have after a weekend of Waldorf lectures on "Man as Symphony of the Creative Word", but yay, butterflies. (yes that sounds like a random tangent; ask me later if you see me.)

<3

One of my homework assignments for the Waldorf teacher training program I am taking, is to do daily meditation exercises to strengthen my brain's/mind's ability to focus, to perceive, to learn, to problem-solve, to know what I am actually seeing/feeling/experiencing... Steiner's term for this translates to something like "training the Organs of Cognition." Your emotions can be used to analyze and to help you think.

For example, every time I heard John McCain say, "My friends, blah blah blah..." (it doesn't matter what it was he was saying, because) once he used that phrase to start off, with that particular tone of voice, I was not hearing anything he had to say because I was feeling /rage/ and /outrage/...

so then I can take a moment now, in the quiet, to think about why I was feeling that, and why it basically blindsided me.

... more in a minute...

Resuming (I either need to get more hydrated, more regularly or to go to the optometrist for new 'eyeballs', probably both)...

I think ozarque would parse this out much more coherently than I can, with her detailed background in linguistics and subtext. But EVERY TIME I heard McCain say "My friends...", I felt
Patronized.
Looked down upon.
Like my head was being patted.
Like I was being manipulated.
Resentful - he is NOT MY friend, how dare he refer to us all that way?

I was thinking about it in moments when I wasn't mad, and realizing I resent W's verbal tic of "Mah fellow 'Mericans" much less, in spite of not liking him, because that much is actually TRUE.

There were other moments that pissed me off - his persistent fear mongering and doomsaying about the future, his apparent lack of concrete plans, his meandering past actually answering the question, spinning his own tale more times than not and then POINTING OUT at the start of a particular rebuttal, the first time Obama tailored an answer that didn't directly answer a question (Pot, Kettle.)

I felt condescended to. I found myself looking for examples of a meta-plan to sabotage an Obama presidency, prior even to full gestation. I heard him use the subjunctive tense when referring to an Obama presidency, which (IIRC) would seem to indicate McCain subconsciously expects Obama to win, but in those statements he (McCain) was also at his most slanderous, poisonous, and fearmongery.

I read an article linked on ontd_political about the meta-plan to move the US closer to a fascist state by driving wedges of no-confidence and resentment between the people and the government, and (my perception was that) I seemed to see indications of that mindset in McCain.

But the end of it all, is my gut reaction.

McCain troubles my second chakra. I don't feel secure or hopeful when listening to him. My throat chokes up, and I feel red energies of anger shooting from the top of my head and the base of my spine. McCain feels to me like a carefully camouflaged, cleaned up and well-dressed, doom sayer from the soap box at the corner of the marketplace. Or he sounds like a preacher from a pulpit, who condemns in fiery terms those who have an angry heart and no mercy on their neighbors. In short, a hypocrite, lacking self-knowledge or self-examination, and insincere.

Obama makes my heart feel clear. I can see his vision of a hopeful future (6th chakra) and it's like standing on a hill, looking down the valley, with a clear path scrolling down the hill, through the valley, to a restful destination that will be a long walk away but is definitely achievable, BY ME, right now.

The moments after the debate were very telling, for me, as were the candidates reactions to one another while speaking. Obama was unfailingly focused on McCain, politely attentive, while he was speaking, except in a couple cases where McCain made some outrageous charge or direct attack on him; then I saw Obama look away briefly, smile, and shake his head. Obama looked relaxed and comfortable. When Obama spoke, McCain was listening and taking notes but only rarely watched the senator from Illinois, and certainly fell short of being polite and attentive.

Then at the end of the debate, the candidates went around the studio, glad-handing the spectators/participants in the town hall meeting... I watched both Barack and Michelle Obama shake hands, lean forward, make eye contact, have short conversations with people, and I saw their lips say "thank you for being here" more than once. McCain also was shaking hands and talking to people, but Cindy McCain? um. She had her hands locked together behind her back. I may be overreacting, but I definitely got a "not MY job" vibe from her... not quite the 'upturned nose, remove these ...persons from my presence' arrogance, but dude, was she COLD. Impeccably dressed, coiffed, and made up, but not THERE at all; not PRESENT. Obligatory.

Dudes, I knew who I wanted before the debate started, and I had to listen to almost half in the car due to traffic on the way out to masterfiddler's, but once I got to see AND hear the debate? It was all about the non-verbals for me. Obama was positive and confident and respectful, McCain was petty, repetitive, and spreading teh fear.

Yeah, I'm going to the Deomocratic HQ tomorrow to volunteer.

I want Obama IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

If I don't take the time and energy to meet my own needs and take care of my self, why would I believe I could meet the needs of others?

If I don't weed out the cankerblossoms from my own soul, won't they set root and even seed out new cankers, new miseries, new heartaches? New misunderstandings?

If I don't show respect, how can I expect respect?

If I don't live the love, why would I expect love to be given to me?


***


I failed to plan. I failed to set my priorities and my plans in order to meet those priorities.
I have been failing to plan.

It is time to use the Big Brain and work out the Most Important Things and how to achieve, become, or work toward them.

I start again today.