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labelleizzy: (we deserve)
Thursday, March 18th, 2021 03:41 pm
I can't complain that it's rainy, because I have until recently been saying California needs so much more in the rain! But it is cold, and it is gray, and I have been struggling with my brains again.

Different friends have been posting about getting the covid vaccine. I'm glad for them, and the same way that I will be glad for me, considering everything that we've all put on hold for the last 12 months, or even longer.

I went looking on Kaiser's website about what are the criteria now for being eligible for vaccination. One of the criteria is a BMI of 40 or over. So out of curiosity I plugged my numbers in, I climbed on the scale for the first time in over a year, and I have now broken 230 lb. Which I don't know that I feel some kind of way about it. It sort of just seems like a datum? Maybe that's a healthy way of looking at my weight. Anyway apparently I am a possessor of a BMI of 39.8. Which I guess strictly speaking doesn't make me eligible for the bump up in timeline to receive the vaccine. And my brain has not been letting me go out and dig and research for other appointments to get it. Every time I think about that as something I could possibly be doing, I find it flittering away like it's a butterfly? Straight out of my brain and something else distracting comes on in to my head. I click the next link or I change social media sites or I get up and make myself a snack. On the upside I'm currently working on my snack and a glass of water with a slice of lemon in it. Because I was just advising other folks who I know who had reasons to be taken care of themselves during a grief process, that you need to take care of the physical body so I'm taking my own advice and that's a good thing.

So what it is, is I'm fat, I have diabetes, but it's pretty well managed. I believe our numbers are under 7.5, generally, which is according to the CDC website the tipping point for being able to access early vaccine. The question that I had was does my blood clotting disorder count as a serious enough condition, considering that it too is very well managed. And I haven't yet had the courage to email my doctor about that specific question.

Okay I'm going to go ahead and eat my late lunch, drink my water, and hopefully I will I want to try calling my mom? And maybe after I eat I will have the energy to try doing that. I've been in some pain lately, from an unexplained pain in my hip socket, which has drawn the knee, and the ankle with my previous injuries there out of whack. And I don't know what yet to do about it. I'm working on some different things physical therapy wise, and I took a Flexeril last night to be able to sleep and my ankle and my knee both readjusted themselves this morning during the usual regimen of stretches and the hip got worse, and by worse I mean more painful so whatever is going on in my hip is a problem
labelleizzy: (hands)
Sunday, October 25th, 2020 08:59 pm
This morning and got up earlier than I usually do on a Sunday. I had an appointment starting at 11:00 a.m. for a 2-hour training on the embroidery machine at the Maker Nexus We just recently joined. I got my breakfast, and got dressed, was mostly ready by 10:00 which i was proud of. Got there with 15 minutes to spare, also proud of that. It's just over in Sunnyvale so not very far, but it was the first time I'd driven for myself.

I met Carmen the teacher for this (they call em BOSS classes, you're THE BOSS of that specific machine sounds like!) She got my badge, showed me the process for badging in and checking in checking out & where we were going to be working.

I got a lot of relief for my anxiety on trying a new thing from the fact that I could literally use the bathroom there. And as it turned out I needed to this morning though I'd eaten something last night for dinner that I don't usually eat and that had its usual consequences!

The machine I was learning on is a 15 thread embroidery machine, circa 2004, so not a touch screen but it does have a computer screen, you transfer designs to the computer on the embroidery machine by uploading the pattern to a thumb drive maximum size two gigs. Which part of me goes lawl and part of me is like of course 2005.

Carmen showed me a variety of samples: printouts that she and other people had done for patterns and also stitching samples that people had done. It's got a lot of possible subtlety to the end product. If the pattern design is done well then the end product is quite lovely and detailed. But it's all in the question of how good is the design that you bought. Or created, Once you learn the design software. Which is beyond the scope for me to buy that design software that they're using, the company wants a thousand bucks for the license. Hence why I will be using the maker Nexus copy of the software.

She showed me a few examples of here's how you access existing patterns that are already uploaded to the machine, here's how you get a pattern off of the laptop to the thumb drive to the embroidery machine and then download it which sounds a lot easier than it actually is. The user interface for the embroidery machine is elderly and non-intuitive, it's definitely usable but it's going to take practice to get it to do what you want.

The easy part relatively speaking is the mechanical nature of the machine. Rethreading the machine is just more complicated version of how I thread my sewing machine. The bobbin thread only requires one additional tiny gesture to anchor the bobbin thread into what she called a pigtail it was a tiny metal curlicue that comes off of the space where on my machine the bobbin would just have a little gap that would feed the thread but they need a lot more control I guess with this particular embroidery machine. We did rethread one bobbin so I could see how it was done It's a fussy process but doable and she showed me the tools that make it a little easier, I have some very fine needles that are meant to be used for threading seed beads, and my jewelry supplies and she was using one of those to bring the thread down from the embroidery thread cone through the home mechanism and then through the last place that it needs to go so that the machine will pick it up and will use it appropriately. So the mechanical stuff is not even all that difficult It's really going to be the programming and finding my way through the interfaces of unfamiliar software and unfamiliar control panel.

One of the designs that was already installed on the pattern design software would make a beautiful Burning Man patch. It was a kind of a fluid,free form heart with two almost touching curlicues at the place where the heart comes to a point at the top? and it was just like the legs and arms of the symbol for the man and inside the heart it said you are so loved! I might just knock a few of those out as prototypes for friends to get started.

At some point I'd like to create some custom patches for friends and family, and I'd like to do some business that I can use to decorate my blue jeans. I think ivy or flowers like a climbing line or morning glories would be delightful and ridiculous!

We finished up with the class about a half an hour early, right around 12:30. I had a good size breakfast so I wasn't hungry, and my friend Tox had offered me to come over and harvest some of his veggies. He has a hydroponic garden.

It was my first time seeing it. Wow, what a hydroponic garden! He had peppers growing all the way up to the top of the trellis and he had basil that was taller than me and he had tomato plants occupying the entire side yard of his house like you could not walk back there because they had grown over the pathway! He has a small sage bush, but like just the basil and the peppers themselves alone well worth the trip I got five or six cherry tomatoes, and multiple different kinds of peppers. Thai chili peppers in this luminous red a different varietal in yellow, tinged orange? And I accidentally broke off some branches that included green peppers so I'll probably do those up as a separate batch of vinegar chili peppers for Jeff, and then have a different batch for the yellow and a different batch for the red. He had long Chipotle peppers that were nearly as long as my forearm! Giant healthy beautiful untouched by insects beautiful peppers!

Now I understand better why my husband wants to do a hydroponic garden.

Unfortunately San Jose is better for that kind of gardening endeavor. It has a delightful microclimate that is perfect for tomatoes and figs and quite a few other Mediterranean things. But something about just coming a few miles further up the peninsula to the town where I live, and conditions are radically different.

****

Came home to be reminded that my adopted Seester was visiting Jeff today! So while I didn't get all the deets of some recent adventures she's been having, I did get a nice check in and short visit at a social distance on our back patio.

While I enjoyed her company I agree with her about the fact that since pandemic and shelter in place has started it's been hard to get me time. I am a lot more of an introvert, Jeff is more an extrovert, and my seester similarly needed time that was just for her, without her spouse: so not 24/7 in the same space as him, I think that's more accurate. And I agree with that and Jeff agrees similarly, that he needs time without me. While that hurt once upon a time it doesn't anymore. It makes a lot more sense now.

Thanks for listening, it helps a lot to be able to clear my head by dumping what happened here. Today was an unusually eventful day, and this weekend was an unusually eventful weekend!

Time to go try and put some words in on my October writing project which is a little bit less than daily but all words are good words in this case!
labelleizzy: (Default)
Monday, June 15th, 2020 06:46 pm
This is going to be a quick stream-of-consciousness kind of post, so I apologize for any typos or missing punctuation. I've been saying for years how annoying it is that I forget to eat. just in the last year or so after many years of taking metformin, I discovered that one of the side effects of metformin as an appetite suppressant. I got reminded of that because one night last week I forgot to take the medications before I went to bed. And then the following night when it was dinner time I think I ate twice as much as normal. I had one section of leftovers, and then went back and finished off the Chinese food as well.

I was off my meds for a day. The thing is, I actually had a hunger impulse that day and that is one of the things I am disconnected from more days than not. And I know that failing to eat affect both my mental health, my optimism, my energy levels obviously, and my ability to think clearly. So one thing I want to try and figure out is if there are other things available to treat my kind of diabetes than metformin, and whether we need to do anyting particular in order to try a different med.

My health as a general case oh, it's pretty good, I feel. Barring of course they ridiculous coronavirus shelter-in-place and quarantine, and bearing in mind that I have pre-existing conditions that really seemed to me like they will get triggered really hard if I catch this particular virus. So physical health related, I'm working out twice a week I feel pretty good as far as painless go I am not experiencing a lot of my usual muscle tension and pain. I do miss my mom, my sister and my niblings, and I should have may be arranged a screen type visit with them over the weekend. Benjamin just graduated from high school in so far as you can graduate from high school in 2012. and as of I guess today or maybe yesterday it sounds like he is off having adventures in southern California with a couple of his high school friends. Which on the one hand good for him and on the other hand f***. Because I'm going to have to wait and see whether it's possible that he has caught the virus before I come back up and visit. Although I know he's smart enough and self-aware enough to know that only too self quarantine when he comes back before he goes to see Mom. Mom has said he's been very assiduous and so has Ainsley about mask-wearing and being careful around her so that makes me feel better and a little bit safer for myself as well. At some point I would really like to go see them again?

But I just have to be really freaking careful. I cannot. Not. Afford to catch this virus, before we have antidotes reliable treatments, or a vaccine.

Circling back to the food question, the mind question: the ability to think when I cannot manage to feed myself very reliably. It makes it very difficult to get anything done. I can have the best of intentions and between the ADHD and not enough brain spoons it just does not happen. My Oblivion is actually very good for me in that regard, which is that when I feel myself starting a shame spiral I shove everything into the oubliette and then I don't have a shame spiral anymore. Of course I also don't have any niggling little reminders of those things that I intended to do.

I have tasks I meant to do before Christmas and haven't gotten done. Things I wanted to put in the mail. And I haven't done them. More things I wanted to put in the mail when we started shelter-in-place. I haven't mailed those either aside from about 8 at the very beginning. Have made one mask. That's it and now my sewing machine is jammed and the troubleshooting for that is beyond my current capacities. I'm not even depressed about this or ashamed or beating myself up or anxious or even tired. It's more numb. Some of that is due to the fact that I know I'm hungry even though I can't feel hunger. But I can tell based on how my brain is and is not working. I think I'm going to ask friends for help. Maybe I can subcontract out some of the brain work we'll have to see.

I hope you all are as well as you can be and staying as safe as you can be I'm thinking of you and I'll try to get back with everyone when I have a temporary likely resurgence of spoons.

I have an appointment for a video meeting with the audiology department at Kaiser tomorrow because I might be a good candidate for hearing aids. It's finally gotten to the point where it's enough of a pain oh, enough of an inconvenience and honestly the tinnitus is really bugging me. So wish me luck with that!