Be the change you want to see.

getting over a nasty sinus infection that settled in my chest. Again.

it got bad enough this weekend that I couldn't sleep and my abdominal muscles started locking up after the violence of the spasmodic coughing.

never again will I wait so long before seeking help.

One: I have two kinds of bronchial inhalers, I will use BOTH, I will remember that I HAVE both and will use both when I start getting in trouble.

Two: one night of no-sleep is the dealbreaker now. One night, then get the doctor.

Three: try and figure out wtf is the problem with my head (I know, my mom was like this too) that makes it so I'd rather harm myself literally than perceive that I was disappointing other people.

Four: the doctor is there to help preserve your health and life. they're not put out when you go to see them with an actual problem, and if they are, then you need to see another doctor.

Five: crowdsourcing your health advice is a not-horrible option when you have people who actually do give a shit about you and not just posting clever quips. (My friends DO give a shit, I've seen other people get much less helpful comments, the bastards)

Six: saying I CAN'T BREATHE WELL if true, is an excellent way to get taken seriously with my HMO.

Seven: My HMO did good work again, I'm just saying.

Eight: it's time to write down all the meds I'm taking and when, so I can make sure to take ALL OF THEM (I forgot to do the inhalers till well around dinner time and it wasn't very fun.

Nine: More water, more hydration, and I want to go pick up some of that guaifenisin stuff to add to the regimen; and I need to get more sleep.

10: I'll be done with the antibiotics by this time next week but I need to keep using the inhalers through the first week of August (21 days since onset, minimum)

Ten things make a list, ergo a blog post. Sorry this is boring, glad I'm not dead (or suffering like I was before).

Can't remember if I've shared this story here.

I have this way I think about the emotional damage we accumulate during our life. A couple of friends have found it useful, perhaps you will as well.

Imagine a young fruit tree, indeed, a sapling.

The wind blows, and shakes it about, and if it survives, its roots grow stronger. If it gets enough water and sunlight, and planted in the right kind of dirt, it will thrive, grow strong, flower, and bear fruit. Correct?

What about manure? Indeed, what ABOUT bullshit?

Well, a little bullshit helps the tree to grow. But a lot? Too much? The tree burns. The tree suffocates.

On our personal tree farms, if a healthy balance is, we tolerate only a little bullshit.

The problem is sometimes before we are old enough or experienced enough to know better, someone else comes and shits all over us.

Sometimes it's overwhelming, and the tree won't grow right, due to all the shit that's heaped up.
Thing is, after just a little thinking, you come to realize that them what did the shitting are never coming back to clean it up.

You dig?

Well.
Actually, digging is the point.

We all get overwhelmed. We all get to feeling like we're being buried in crap someone else dumped on us.
Thing is?

Get your shovel, and start digging. Some of that shit may be top notch fertilizer. Some of it's surely garbage. But you got to get out of the pile, and you got to be the one who starts digging. If your arms aren't free, holler for help, and make sure to keep the shovel someone brings you.

Cos you've got to dig. Nobody's job but yours to move that crap. It's not fair to ask the world to do it for you. Maybe /with/ you, maybe you both work together on both y'all's piles... but you've got to move the bullshit that smothers you.

And once you're mostly out?
THEN you've got to learn where the crap has been coming from? And then you've got to learn how to stop the ongoing deliveries, if you have not done so already.

...here's a shovel.
*hefts her own shovel*

Your pile or mine, sweetheart?