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Is the body informing the mind, or is the mind-heart tying the body up in pain?
It's like 6:38 in the morning. 2 hours before I usually get up.
And that was an awful dream.
My life was dreary, and it was my wedding day again, but I wasn't happy and I wasn't marrying Jeff, I was marrying someone so he could get his green card.
There were spiders and rotten ladder rungs in a space I was supposed to climb up into, then I was running away from work at the school I used to work at (where we'd run out of printer paper for the wedding programs) and as I was (literally) running to my home-in-the-dream to get more printer paper, I saw the other part of the wedding party we waiting at a door to the school? And I was going to be late?
And the substitute teacher who was going to take my class for the day was arrogant and awful, my classroom was shabby, even more than it was in real life...
And I woke up slow crying and afraid.
My body hurts.
IDK what my mind is doing, or how much truth is in the emotions of the dream, (shame and fear of being unloved, and the horror of being poor and useless, I think) but I do know things I can do to help my body hurt less.
As Jenroses on Tumblr says, after you pull out some of the forks that are stuck in you, sometimes you find more spoons. She calls that the Fork corollary to the Spoon Theory.
Tylenol, morning meds, maybe some coffee, and put some pants on and go for a walk.
It's like 6:38 in the morning. 2 hours before I usually get up.
And that was an awful dream.
My life was dreary, and it was my wedding day again, but I wasn't happy and I wasn't marrying Jeff, I was marrying someone so he could get his green card.
There were spiders and rotten ladder rungs in a space I was supposed to climb up into, then I was running away from work at the school I used to work at (where we'd run out of printer paper for the wedding programs) and as I was (literally) running to my home-in-the-dream to get more printer paper, I saw the other part of the wedding party we waiting at a door to the school? And I was going to be late?
And the substitute teacher who was going to take my class for the day was arrogant and awful, my classroom was shabby, even more than it was in real life...
And I woke up slow crying and afraid.
My body hurts.
IDK what my mind is doing, or how much truth is in the emotions of the dream, (shame and fear of being unloved, and the horror of being poor and useless, I think) but I do know things I can do to help my body hurt less.
As Jenroses on Tumblr says, after you pull out some of the forks that are stuck in you, sometimes you find more spoons. She calls that the Fork corollary to the Spoon Theory.
Tylenol, morning meds, maybe some coffee, and put some pants on and go for a walk.
Tags:
- dreams,
- fear,
- i am enough,
- i hope,
- i need,
- i want,
- i wish,
- my life,
- need a hug,
- pain,
- spoon theory
