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one of these ephemeral moments where i just got to express myself how i needed to, without trying to make a reasonable narrative in the moment.
i mean...
I don't have any conflicts or beefs right now aside from the ongoing /get that shithead out the white house/ that's all the time in my brain... life is holding steady. Jeff and I are pretty okay at the moment, with no real cracky or messy stuff on the horizon.
i did fine when he did an overnight with our Jenn, actually i really enjoyed having the bed and the house to myself for a bit... I stop myself from vocalizing when he's around, but when it's just me like it's been for about 5 years, i totally talk to myself all through the day. Discovered that i miss it some.
(that may be part of why i enjoyed the random download today with L.)
it was like an unspooling. or an untangling?
brain feels... tidier. smoother.
we covered a lot of ground, touched on a lot of issues for just a moment, long enough to acknowledge (past struggles to hold boundaries, to challenge authority figures, to stand up for myself) and metaphors (how The Patriarchy helped dislocate my ankle and my knee in two separate incidents, comment if you actually wanna know what i think about that)...
conclusion 1: I am more MYSELF when i get a chance to ramble and talk and allow the words to come out verbally, even more so than I am myself after taking time to write like /this/ on a screen. I spend a lot of time/effort holding my interior monologue on the interior.
conclusion 2: asking for someone's ear isn't a bad thing. asking for help is good, and a gift to the person who has the chance to help. Gods know *I* like to help!
conclusion 3: perhaps, possibly, our life is smooth enough (healthy enough? boring enough?) to discontinue sessions for the time being. Gonna think on that for a little bit.
i mean...
I don't have any conflicts or beefs right now aside from the ongoing /get that shithead out the white house/ that's all the time in my brain... life is holding steady. Jeff and I are pretty okay at the moment, with no real cracky or messy stuff on the horizon.
i did fine when he did an overnight with our Jenn, actually i really enjoyed having the bed and the house to myself for a bit... I stop myself from vocalizing when he's around, but when it's just me like it's been for about 5 years, i totally talk to myself all through the day. Discovered that i miss it some.
(that may be part of why i enjoyed the random download today with L.)
it was like an unspooling. or an untangling?
brain feels... tidier. smoother.
we covered a lot of ground, touched on a lot of issues for just a moment, long enough to acknowledge (past struggles to hold boundaries, to challenge authority figures, to stand up for myself) and metaphors (how The Patriarchy helped dislocate my ankle and my knee in two separate incidents, comment if you actually wanna know what i think about that)...
conclusion 1: I am more MYSELF when i get a chance to ramble and talk and allow the words to come out verbally, even more so than I am myself after taking time to write like /this/ on a screen. I spend a lot of time/effort holding my interior monologue on the interior.
conclusion 2: asking for someone's ear isn't a bad thing. asking for help is good, and a gift to the person who has the chance to help. Gods know *I* like to help!
conclusion 3: perhaps, possibly, our life is smooth enough (healthy enough? boring enough?) to discontinue sessions for the time being. Gonna think on that for a little bit.
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