Waldorf reflections...

[labelleizzy]

Tonight was a special festival performance for my Waldorf teacher program.

Several of the teachers performed: Glenda did 3 eurhythmy performances, Sybilla spoke several pieces, including an adaptation of a TS Eliot piece which I want a copy of, and Christof sang, I believe operatic pieces. All performances were infused with energy, that part's not the problem.

I realized after leaving the performance space, that, to put it in pagan terms, I don't feel Waldorf all the way down into my root chakra.

And I realized something else. While this training is giving me a firm grounding in certain intellectual, emotional, and spiritual balance, the approach is entirely to Apollonian for my freaky little self.

I miss the dirty jokes and innuendo, I miss goofy word play, I miss that kind of cuttin' loose that is fun as hell when you're with the right people, or even when you're by yourself. I miss the exalted feeling I get (got) from being out in storm winds at sunset, the feeling of nature being vibrantly, even violently alive (not calmly alive) all around me.

I miss the Dionysic stream.

I am still getting loads and loads of Good Stuff (tm) from this program, and what I might end up doing ultimately, is taking the new core of calm confidence this program has been helping me to build up, and take the rest of the fearless simplification and heart-warmed thinking philosophy of meticulous care and respect and preparation, and take it to teach in the public schools anyway, like I initially thought I would. Goddess knows I can handle the Dionysic style chaos the public school classrooms often wind up coping with... Especially to work with the kids who need remedial study which I can provide.

I think I can do a beautiful job to ground the classroom and kids and provide the Safe Space so many children need in order to heal, grow, develop, and soar. I might not choose to do it in pure Waldorf, but I love Fusion art and music and cuisine and... that's much more ME anyway.

...
Still thinking thinky thoughts...

<3

Comments

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

I have to say that I agree with the observations here about rigor and structure being necessary to a teacher. I also realize that for most of my life I have lacked rigor and structure, for a variety of reasons.

So I think the headspace I was in when I wrote this is of the "Don' Wanna!" sort, the "I can tell it's going to be a lot of work, what guarantees do I have, is it going to be worth it for me..."

I can still see how much work I have to do.
I can ALSO see how much work I have already done, and how much farther that work has taken me along the path to Proper Personhood. That does make me glad.

I think the calm centeredness is just such a blessing, I enjoy the processes so much, the sculpture and the drawing and the rhyme-smithing, and the music and the art and the structured thinking...

I think this post was a verbal "pout"... but after the weekend I have had, with a tasty date with genetikayos and marching in Pride, I don't think I have to worry about lacking Dionysic energy. I think rather, that it's time to actually get to be on speaking terms with Apollo. For the first time.

What I think, I become. The story I tell about myself, is what I will live into, what I will become. What I value is what I choose to live into.

Abundance.
Generosity.
Clarity.
Love.
Compassion.
Friendliness.
Affection.
Honesty.