Waldorf reflections...

[labelleizzy]

Tonight was a special festival performance for my Waldorf teacher program.

Several of the teachers performed: Glenda did 3 eurhythmy performances, Sybilla spoke several pieces, including an adaptation of a TS Eliot piece which I want a copy of, and Christof sang, I believe operatic pieces. All performances were infused with energy, that part's not the problem.

I realized after leaving the performance space, that, to put it in pagan terms, I don't feel Waldorf all the way down into my root chakra.

And I realized something else. While this training is giving me a firm grounding in certain intellectual, emotional, and spiritual balance, the approach is entirely to Apollonian for my freaky little self.

I miss the dirty jokes and innuendo, I miss goofy word play, I miss that kind of cuttin' loose that is fun as hell when you're with the right people, or even when you're by yourself. I miss the exalted feeling I get (got) from being out in storm winds at sunset, the feeling of nature being vibrantly, even violently alive (not calmly alive) all around me.

I miss the Dionysic stream.

I am still getting loads and loads of Good Stuff (tm) from this program, and what I might end up doing ultimately, is taking the new core of calm confidence this program has been helping me to build up, and take the rest of the fearless simplification and heart-warmed thinking philosophy of meticulous care and respect and preparation, and take it to teach in the public schools anyway, like I initially thought I would. Goddess knows I can handle the Dionysic style chaos the public school classrooms often wind up coping with... Especially to work with the kids who need remedial study which I can provide.

I think I can do a beautiful job to ground the classroom and kids and provide the Safe Space so many children need in order to heal, grow, develop, and soar. I might not choose to do it in pure Waldorf, but I love Fusion art and music and cuisine and... that's much more ME anyway.

...
Still thinking thinky thoughts...

<3

Comments

[trekster.livejournal.com]

oi! monday ceildh's? You down?

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

I suspect there is a certain degree of learning to maintain decorum when you are in the teaching atmosphere so you don't slip when actually teaching.

[thats-ms-dragon.livejournal.com]

I am thinking that actually embracing the Apollonian side of things may be something good for you. I realize that you need the Dionysic part of things in your life, hell we all do, but I think you don't realize that he is not welcome in the teachers of most classrooms. There is a reason that my staff at my school didn't know me by my first name and why I don't allow the students to call me by my first name.

I think that it is important for the students to have a little of the revelry and word play and chaos that they naturally create in the classroom. I am more than open to having students play with words, play with ideas, and play with each other. I think that is healthy, all the way up to adulthood.

However, the role of the teacher is to be Earth. To be focused and balanced and nurturing and healing and solid. Teachers need to be organized and able to weather the storms. There are times when the teacher must roll with things and change and be playful, but unless you have the confidence to stick to your plans, to see things through, to know deep down what is going to be done, you won't be able to have the classroom you want.

Teachers need to be the source of stability and the example of the adults that are well-behaved and reliable, something far too few students see at home. Teachers do not talk about their personal lives, swear, encourage anything illegal, interject their political agendas, or just give away teaching days to silliness without reason. Teachers leave their emotions at the door the best they can. That isn't to say that you have to be superhuman, but there is a job to do and you just have to suck it up and do it. That is teaching kids too. I think that students don't get to see enough of that, but it is expected of them as soon as they get a job. Oversharing is not helpful to the students.

I hope this makes sense. I see that you could become a better teacher than your last experiences. However, remember that the experience your students have and the experience you have in the classroom are two very different things. I just needed to say this because I love you. *hugs*

[eeyore42.livejournal.com]

The Appolonian endeavours are part of the core of effective teaching; much of the rest is ministry.

Waldorf philosophy incorporates an assertion that students should develop a deep connection to all things in the universe through observation, reflection, experimentation, expression and evaluation: the scientific method. Its purpose is to achieve comprehensive understanding on the physical and metaphorical planes in unison.

I can understand your discomfort. Nevertheless I believe that the greatest lesson for you to internalize from Walforf teacher training is the deliberate and wholistic integration of rigourous Appolonian study and of playful Dionysian passion in the classroom. Both are essential.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

I have to say that I agree with the observations here about rigor and structure being necessary to a teacher. I also realize that for most of my life I have lacked rigor and structure, for a variety of reasons.

So I think the headspace I was in when I wrote this is of the "Don' Wanna!" sort, the "I can tell it's going to be a lot of work, what guarantees do I have, is it going to be worth it for me..."

I can still see how much work I have to do.
I can ALSO see how much work I have already done, and how much farther that work has taken me along the path to Proper Personhood. That does make me glad.

I think the calm centeredness is just such a blessing, I enjoy the processes so much, the sculpture and the drawing and the rhyme-smithing, and the music and the art and the structured thinking...

I think this post was a verbal "pout"... but after the weekend I have had, with a tasty date with genetikayos and marching in Pride, I don't think I have to worry about lacking Dionysic energy. I think rather, that it's time to actually get to be on speaking terms with Apollo. For the first time.

What I think, I become. The story I tell about myself, is what I will live into, what I will become. What I value is what I choose to live into.

Abundance.
Generosity.
Clarity.
Love.
Compassion.
Friendliness.
Affection.
Honesty.