labelleizzy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
labelleizzy) wrote2020-10-02 12:18 am
labelleizzy) wrote2020-10-02 12:18 am
Entry tags:
Sex and shame
I probably have another post with this title. Important stuff, I have to learn over. And over and over.
Sex and shame are inextricably linked in this incredibly puritanical culture, especially for AFAB people.
You learn it young via jokes on the elementary school playground, books you're not supposed to read, shows your parents watch that you're not supposed to understand. Comics.
And now the wonders of the internet, she said sarcastically, offering new ways to shame women and other folks for daring to have desire, to want pleasure, to demand respect and honesty and trust and respect AND sex. And Good Sex.
How dare we.
It's an old tangle, and talking about something with such pernicious roots, both personally and socially, means it's really fuckin' difficult to talk about, even in a good supportive loving trustworthy relationship, even after close to 3 decades of therapy, processing, reflection.
So today I'm saying, I CLAIM THAT SHIT.
I CLAIM DESIRE. I CLAIM PLEASURE. I CLAIM SELF SOVEREIGNTY.
Finally I'm dropping whatever shame remains from this and past relationships' sexual mismatches and dysfunction. I'm dropping my shame about self-pleasure while partnered. I'm composting my shame and fear about my partner's desire and turn ons being opaque to me, and I'll have the fun I want and need to have.
when I invite him (or others) to join me, I won't have the resentment that comes up when my desire is stale and desperate.
I want to be fresh and flexible and agile. More spontaneous, more self nourishing.
That old lesson about filling your own cup first? Yeahhhhhhh I have not been good at doing that in this realm, and it's poisoned a lot of my relationships, left me with a chronic feeling of lack and inadequacy.
I am enough. I'm gonna be good to myself and then let that spill over.
*+*+*+*+*
Relatedly, I'm writing daily this month for Kinktober (which is now showing up in autosuggestion, and that tickles me.) Part of my goal to keep the writing going is to let myself feel my own sexual, sensual, sweet, loving, tender, and playful imagination.
I can't remember if I've linked my archive of our own page back on my profile, but if you like kinky shit search for this username on AO3, riffle through my fic, my tags and bookmarks, and have fun! There's gonna be a TON of new content on the internet this month for folks who love a kinky premise.
😛➰😁✒️🥰👌😯
Sex and shame are inextricably linked in this incredibly puritanical culture, especially for AFAB people.
You learn it young via jokes on the elementary school playground, books you're not supposed to read, shows your parents watch that you're not supposed to understand. Comics.
And now the wonders of the internet, she said sarcastically, offering new ways to shame women and other folks for daring to have desire, to want pleasure, to demand respect and honesty and trust and respect AND sex. And Good Sex.
How dare we.
It's an old tangle, and talking about something with such pernicious roots, both personally and socially, means it's really fuckin' difficult to talk about, even in a good supportive loving trustworthy relationship, even after close to 3 decades of therapy, processing, reflection.
So today I'm saying, I CLAIM THAT SHIT.
I CLAIM DESIRE. I CLAIM PLEASURE. I CLAIM SELF SOVEREIGNTY.
Finally I'm dropping whatever shame remains from this and past relationships' sexual mismatches and dysfunction. I'm dropping my shame about self-pleasure while partnered. I'm composting my shame and fear about my partner's desire and turn ons being opaque to me, and I'll have the fun I want and need to have.
when I invite him (or others) to join me, I won't have the resentment that comes up when my desire is stale and desperate.
I want to be fresh and flexible and agile. More spontaneous, more self nourishing.
That old lesson about filling your own cup first? Yeahhhhhhh I have not been good at doing that in this realm, and it's poisoned a lot of my relationships, left me with a chronic feeling of lack and inadequacy.
I am enough. I'm gonna be good to myself and then let that spill over.
*+*+*+*+*
Relatedly, I'm writing daily this month for Kinktober (which is now showing up in autosuggestion, and that tickles me.) Part of my goal to keep the writing going is to let myself feel my own sexual, sensual, sweet, loving, tender, and playful imagination.
I can't remember if I've linked my archive of our own page back on my profile, but if you like kinky shit search for this username on AO3, riffle through my fic, my tags and bookmarks, and have fun! There's gonna be a TON of new content on the internet this month for folks who love a kinky premise.
😛➰😁✒️🥰👌😯
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It's kind of Boy Band, kind of Two Competent Dudes and Their Goofball Buddies, and kind of "huh, okay, different cultures have way different norms for affection and physical space." Spouse knows this as "Schadenfreude Kitchen" because the first ones I was watching were "okay I'll cook for ten minutes, then you and you and you and you, and in fifty minutes, maaaaaaybe we'll have a food, but it'll be _hilarious_ for the viewers!"
To keep afloat as a studio that makes videos and cookbooks, they do sponsored videos every few dozen regular videos. This is one of them but that's not why I'm flinging it at you. Mostly I'm remembering that cooking is actually fun and not just an absorber-of-spoons, and since starting down a half-the-catalog playlist (1.4K videos on the channel) I'm cooking more diversely and we're not doing pasta half a week at a time as I was several months back. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anu4dn5-3QM
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I'm glad you're throwing out shame.
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Apologies for my handwriting being sometimes illegible!
https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/630887321216172032/kinktober-prompts-ill-see-if-i-can-get-google
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