My ex was a master of disinformation.

[labelleizzy]

It's been two years now
since you left
So loud
And then so silent
Refusing
To speak.
Lying with silence
Sharp, pointed,
Nasty.

You said you'd be here
many years
you said...

Words left unspoken,
Promises
broken.

Lying to my face.
Mirrorshades,
Blank eyes:
Lying with the truth?
"I don't know"
FUCK that.

Disingenuous -
DID you know?
You said
whatever you thought
I wanted
to hear.

Disinformation
feels just like
all trust
disintegration.
Every time
you lied
Recalibration:
How could we
make do?

A strategy in war.
We were the
terrain...
Was I the prize?
The end-game?
The goal?

Was this even love?
Furious,
hurting:
Win the heart and mind,
Recover
MYSELF

Sex was fantastic...
Apathy?
Passion?
Now I'll never know.
Your true north
nowhere,
Your compass: broken.
Did you love
At all?

Disinformation:
Truthiness
Ain't truth.

Pattern's still the same:
Please tear down
your walls
Learn to see yourself.
Grow a pair
Man up.
Motherfucker, PLEASE.
KNOW thyself.
*eyeroll*




This has been my entry for this week on LJ Idol, therealljidol. This week's prompt was "disinformation" and it immediately brought to mind this PARTICULAR ex boyfriend. *sigh* I guess I still had some old feelings about all the stuff that happened.
I encourage folks to visit my colleagues' brilliant writing HERE and of course I will also encourage you to help me continue to play in this enjoyable sandbox by voting for this entry HERE

Comments

[resonant.livejournal.com]

I like this, despite the content.
*hugs*

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Sometimes this part of my life is funny, sometimes it makes me angry. Writing this let me transition from angry to equanimity.

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

Sending hugs... I hate it when people are dishonest to people they purport to love.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I know. And this was such a pattern for this individual... I should have expected and prepared for it.
*sigh*

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

I have been there.

::hugs::

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

*hugs* thanks.
Fortunately both D and I are doing Much Better Now without him.

[tshuma]

I like this. It felt really powerful. The last three stanzas felt like they were almost a part of something different, a different mood.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Good catch! Yeah, yeah it was.
I was angry for a good long time, now I have some perspective.
And eyerolling is SUCH good exercise!

[adoptedwriter.livejournal.com]

Great use of words. Nice. AW

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *nodding*

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I keep trying to remember if this is S or T you are referencing...

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

It's T for sure . S hasn't done anything to make me write poetry like this!
:)

[naurwen.livejournal.com]

wow, seriously wow
That about sums it all up (even though I don't know about your ex) - sounds brilliant to me.
sad that he was (is?) such a... person

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, sad is what it is. I had high hopes that feeling safe and secure and loved would encourage him to dig through and work on his stuff, but that wasn't how it worked.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

This person sounds just infuriating. I'm sure you're very glad to be done with that relationship. Ouch.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Yeah. The most frustrating part is the "I don't want anything, what do YOU want" that was his favorite mask to wear. Augh!

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm pretty sure I've been in THIS relationship before!

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

In that case you have my sympathy... Oy.

=/

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

Thanks... believe it or not, I was actually stupid enough to do it TWICE.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

No, I believe it. Tom here was my third in a pattern. And the second one I married for three years. So altogether I spent 12 years dating guys like this. I don't date "fixer uppers" anymore.

[kajel.livejournal.com]

Truthiness
Ain't truth.

Loved this.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Oh thanks. I was hoping that would come through clearly.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Must have been one heck of a relationship! Love the eyeroll, lol.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

When it was good it was EPIC. (Mostly in bed.)
When it was bad, my stomach was doing somersaults waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Don't miss it. Rather be alone than be with someone who needs IV shots of drama on a regular basis.

[cheshire23.livejournal.com]

YES THIS. *applauds*

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

*accepts Diploma of No Shit, Adult Relationship-fu*

[whipchick.livejournal.com]

Nice mood shift at the end there :)

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

*grin* ...yeah, that's kind of how it is.

No point staying mad at him, and yanno, his karma is his own. It hurts him most in the end to be a blind, willfully dumb dumbass.