100 things: a series of posts on health, fitness, and figuring out how to be strong. (#77)

[labelleizzy]

I've been writing these posts for about a year now, I believe. (correction: since April 2012, so 18 months or so)
I have had difficult time rebuilding a fitness habit since I damaged my leg taking TaeKwonDo in 1998. It was the first time I could remember in my life where my whole body felt strong, balanced, powerful. My feelings about fitness and strength got very complicated after that injury, for various reasons. As feelings often are the motivation for actions...

Well. Due to the Waldorf teacher training, I shored up the foundation of my emotional life, started to take better care of my health, discovered my knee was indeed borked. Had surgery two years ago to replace my ACL, and worked to build my strength up in "pre-hab" and also in re-hab...

I started this 100 things series, like a lot of people did, to write many posts about something that interested me. But I had a sneaky second reason.

I was writing with much more regularity than I was exercising.
*shrug*
So I decided to chain the two habits together.
The one motivated the other, you know? I had an excellent excuse to write, IF I got off my duff and got out or got to the gym. It did work, and I wrote a lot about how I was changing, what body part hurt the most this week and why I thought that was, my hopes and dreams and goals for the whole endeavor, and so on.

But this post today, is because I have realized that I now... I just GO to the gym.
I've successfully built a habit that I wanted to build, and I am seeing remarkable results. I am SO much STRONGER than I once was. Body looks better, functions better, than it has in nearly 20 years.

Building for the future, me. And I'm glad to be doing it for ME (and for Jeff... Keeping up with a younger man can sometimes be *ahem* arduous) and not to fit into a wedding dress or to please someone else.

The other habit I'm proud of building, over the last few years, is the habit of speaking to myself with kindness, of touching my body with kindness. I noticed, today at the gym, gently massaging my tight shoulder and tight knee, that I was speaking gently and encouragingly to my body, moving slowly and gradually stretching as well as I could without judging... "There now, you can do this... It's okay, breathe... Relax, honey... There you go!"

I had to teach myself so much of this. Respect for the body, love of self, valuing self, and what self can do, what bodymind can do together... *wry* was not in the toolbox we got at my house growing up.

So now, having freshly turned 44, it feels as though I have a baseline of fundamental self confidence and physical strength that some lucky bastards have by the time they finish their teens.

Gonna keep moving, keep building strength, enjoy this being embodied thing, spread joy and help out where I can.

Okay. Step out in faith and Get Some Shit Done, now I've got the tools.

Comments

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

The being-encouraging-with-myself thing is tough for me.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

I learned of the concept of "reparenting your own inner child" many years ago... I try to speak to myself like I would speak to any child needing help or encouragement.

Of course I had to hear how I *usually* talked to myself and then*shudder* realize nobody should get talked to like that...

[a-kosmos.livejournal.com]

The being-encouraging-with-myself thing is tough for me. Good work.

[elissali.livejournal.com]

Hey, happy birthday! (a little belated) And it's a really nice thing to realize that one's successfully built a habit, so congratualtions on that! and on the being nice to yourself/self-parenting. :)

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

thanks, and thanks, yes. It feels good to finally know how to give MYSELF what I need, instead of hoping to get it from others.

[vodkafrenzy.livejournal.com]

Awesome and inspirational :)

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

aww, thanks.

[m-danson.livejournal.com]

Nice brain hack.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I wish this worked out for everyone. I would love to recommend it, but I know it's a particular thing...

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

Sadly, speaking kindly to your own body is something some women never seem to learn. I find your posts very inspirational, btw.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Today at the gym I mentioned to my Israeli trainer, that after tomorrow's surgery I was going to be particularly kind to myself. And then I said that wasn't something that came easily to me, learned with difficulty. And her face was just blank, like how can that be?

and my (somewhat unfair) shorthand explanation, because she had a class to teach was, "American culture is broken sometimes." *exhale*
So many friends of mine struggle with this, *I* struggle with this, after years of trying to teach myself...

and by the way, thank you very much! I love seeing your pushup reports and that icon with your guns blazing. *grin*

[tara-bella.livejournal.com]

Congratulations, and I told you so, and I'm so proud of you, and I hope you are extremely proud of yourself because you just did something really hard and wonderful. Now all you have to do is not quit. Pay attention to how good it feels and promise yourself that you will never stop--not for an injury, not for a crisis, not for anything. Because you deserve this.

thank you...

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

I deserve this, we all deserve this.
we all deserve to have strong bodies that work, as much as we can. Men and women, boys and girls and EVERYONE.

and not-quitting, that's so. It was something my bf mentioned when I saw him last, something about doing this when I'm old(er) and grey(er) and to be a strong little old lady. That.
100 times that.