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TW: murder, nightmare
Woke early from a dream in which three old white men were gonna murder me because I'm a woman who's loved women. They were about as competent and careful as the Sheriff and Boss Hawg in the Dukes of Hazzard, so...it was still terrifying. Before I snuck away, one of them hollered, "YOU'RE GOIN' TO HELLLLL" and I hollered, "psssht, YOU'RE THE MURDERER" They were measuring temperatures in the neighborhood to determine the best place to dump my body, in that way dreams have. And another one said, "we'll be killing you right over yonder" and I said "welp, you'll have to carry and drag me" and he said "great, we'll be able to get some kicking in" and I looked down and he was wearing heavy boots.
In the dream we were all in the house that I grew up in, so I knew a great hiding place. And a bunch of old friends were, again in the way of dreams, playing music in the back yard, just the far side of the sliding glass door. I had to sneak out through the back room that used to be my parents', stay low to the ground so they wouldn't see me from the house, to get to them.
Megan and Sandy and Nicole and Pandora were all playing music.
I got over to them without being detected and Sandy looked down at me (I was still close to the ground) and I leaned up and whispered in her ear "they're gonna murder me because I've loved women" and Sandy's face changed like a STORMCLOUD.
And then I woke up. With all these feelings and this fear and this run run run run run feeling. And it took me an hour to sit down and write this.
NEVER AGAIN IS NOW. Their hate and fear and entitlement has always been POISON. And there's a BODY COUNT TO IT.
I have people who would help me if I were in mortal peril. People are dying.
I wanna believe that if the dream went further, I would have hid, and my friends would have taken care of the problem. But in real life, I'm one of the ones who is gonna help take care of this.
Be afraid. Do it anyway. Interfere with ICE. Join a protest, or a liberal church who's organizing legal aid. Call the congresscritters and tell them what you demand. Spread the truth. Be kind and compassionate and help each other out. Debug your mind and heart of racism, sexism, classism, A bit at a time. Decide to treat people equally, no matter what your brain may sneaky try to tell you. Hear those voices, acknowledge they are bullshit, and practice to do better.
Do the work, rest, get back up and do the work. The work looks different: feed and teach the kids, help people who need help, take care of yourself, learn about our terrifying history of racism, sexism, and queerphobia. Rest again. Pick a job. ANY JOB. Being frozen indecision is no longer an option. Too many things to worry about? Pick anything. Do something to make the world better.
Woke early from a dream in which three old white men were gonna murder me because I'm a woman who's loved women. They were about as competent and careful as the Sheriff and Boss Hawg in the Dukes of Hazzard, so...it was still terrifying. Before I snuck away, one of them hollered, "YOU'RE GOIN' TO HELLLLL" and I hollered, "psssht, YOU'RE THE MURDERER" They were measuring temperatures in the neighborhood to determine the best place to dump my body, in that way dreams have. And another one said, "we'll be killing you right over yonder" and I said "welp, you'll have to carry and drag me" and he said "great, we'll be able to get some kicking in" and I looked down and he was wearing heavy boots.
In the dream we were all in the house that I grew up in, so I knew a great hiding place. And a bunch of old friends were, again in the way of dreams, playing music in the back yard, just the far side of the sliding glass door. I had to sneak out through the back room that used to be my parents', stay low to the ground so they wouldn't see me from the house, to get to them.
Megan and Sandy and Nicole and Pandora were all playing music.
I got over to them without being detected and Sandy looked down at me (I was still close to the ground) and I leaned up and whispered in her ear "they're gonna murder me because I've loved women" and Sandy's face changed like a STORMCLOUD.
And then I woke up. With all these feelings and this fear and this run run run run run feeling. And it took me an hour to sit down and write this.
NEVER AGAIN IS NOW. Their hate and fear and entitlement has always been POISON. And there's a BODY COUNT TO IT.
I have people who would help me if I were in mortal peril. People are dying.
I wanna believe that if the dream went further, I would have hid, and my friends would have taken care of the problem. But in real life, I'm one of the ones who is gonna help take care of this.
Be afraid. Do it anyway. Interfere with ICE. Join a protest, or a liberal church who's organizing legal aid. Call the congresscritters and tell them what you demand. Spread the truth. Be kind and compassionate and help each other out. Debug your mind and heart of racism, sexism, classism, A bit at a time. Decide to treat people equally, no matter what your brain may sneaky try to tell you. Hear those voices, acknowledge they are bullshit, and practice to do better.
Do the work, rest, get back up and do the work. The work looks different: feed and teach the kids, help people who need help, take care of yourself, learn about our terrifying history of racism, sexism, and queerphobia. Rest again. Pick a job. ANY JOB. Being frozen indecision is no longer an option. Too many things to worry about? Pick anything. Do something to make the world better.
