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hard to believe/grasp that I literally turn 50 in a week. one week. damn.
had dinner with Jeff and a batch of his coworkers last night. younger men mostly white.
I didn't feel weird or weak or like I had to cede space or placate them or make them happy.
(just because they were men, or jeff;s coworkers or whichever.)
partly it makes me angry to realize that these are all things I have done frequently, and for much of my life.
partly I'm glad that I'm just now, HERE, where I don't do those things anymore.
it's not a "claiming" my power. it's more an erosion of all the calcifications and accretions I acquired over my first few decades (heh i get to phrase things like that now). By careful applications of self examination, therapy, ritual, other modes of learning, my life has dissolved that load on the power lines, removed the interference with my access to the power I have always had, but couldn't always reach and use. this feels like one of the better metaphors I've come up with about this whole "being human and healing my shit" business.
i'm a person. Period.
had dinner with Jeff and a batch of his coworkers last night. younger men mostly white.
I didn't feel weird or weak or like I had to cede space or placate them or make them happy.
(just because they were men, or jeff;s coworkers or whichever.)
partly it makes me angry to realize that these are all things I have done frequently, and for much of my life.
partly I'm glad that I'm just now, HERE, where I don't do those things anymore.
it's not a "claiming" my power. it's more an erosion of all the calcifications and accretions I acquired over my first few decades (heh i get to phrase things like that now). By careful applications of self examination, therapy, ritual, other modes of learning, my life has dissolved that load on the power lines, removed the interference with my access to the power I have always had, but couldn't always reach and use. this feels like one of the better metaphors I've come up with about this whole "being human and healing my shit" business.
i'm a person. Period.
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