Memory, and love that boy.

[labelleizzy]

I heard an echo from childhood today, a memory with repercussions:

"No, not YOU!"
"It's not ABOUT you!"
"As if YOU know anything aBOUT it!"

And this is why I fell a little in love with Jeff; I said "Evanescence is a cool band, I recently heard an album of theirs..." and he downloaded everything he could find by them by the time we had our next date next week.

*jaw dropped*
You did this because _I_ said they were good?
he sort of smiled, with that one eyebrow raised and said,

"Your words have an impact, you know."






Everyday I struggle between feeling invisible versus trying to influence people's thinking.
I realized during tonight's concert that the echoes of childhood can go away now.
I will feed the wolf of kindness and consideration and of trying to do the right thing.
I will work to believe that people find my company and my time valuable and worthwhile.

And I will work toward treating myself as if I am "a keeper", worth the maintenance costs and upkeep.

A little bit every day.
A little bit every day.
A little bit more every day.

I will.

Comments

[samayam.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the echoes of our childhood conclusions are not necessarily good rules for our current, conscious, adult beliefs.

One of the things I used to kind of wake myself up was that whenever I would find myself wandering from the reality of the here and now was (and is) to sing the chorus from that one song "ri-ight here, ri-iii-iight nooow" to myself, sometimes in an audible voice. Surprisingly effective.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

*grinning* It's amusing to hear you used that song. It was climbing the charts the year I was in Aberystwyth and it's a happy memory - it WAS exactly where I wanted to be.

thanks for sharing!

[dangerpudding.livejournal.com]

And I will work toward treating myself as if I am "a keeper", worth the maintenance costs and upkeep.

Yeah, that. I've been having trouble with that one a lot lately. I'm a pain in the ass, I tell ya.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

*nodnodnod*

You'd think I wasn't _worth_ the time to eat right and exercise, the way I treat me~!

*shaking head & smiling ruefully*

physical therapy and flexibility first. Cut the booze and drink more water second. More sex third. Hell, third AND fourth. Meditation and planning fifth. And That's Enough to Plan For.