Communication, verbal and nonverbal

Sleep not great, woke up a bit cranky and off kilter. In the process of dressing for my Zoom call with Etty for the workout, I hit an emotional wall.

Jeff was still in bed and I needed socks anyway so I grabbed socks and climbed into the bed and pressed my head against his side. Startled, he said "what's wrong?"
I said something like, "I'm having some feelings and I don't want to put them into words, I'm just going to stay here a minute till things get better."

And he didn't say anything else, and he let me, and when I felt better I crawled back out of bed for my workout.

Last night I had a moment of feeling very nourished and seen by friends. We're having a regular Zoom call about life purpose and figuring our shit out. I can't remember exactly what the brainweasels started telling me but Gem (a new friend who's joining our pandemic pod after months of solo-podding) she noticed my face or my posture, and the way she asked what's up, however she phrased it, made it somehow easier to describe how the brainweasels hit me with a kibosh suddenly and I was in a spiral.

Then she shared that she too has been having brainweasel spirals and offered if I wanted, she'd be willing to listen and let me talk it out.

And I believe her. That I could ping her and we could talk.

It's already easy to be sad or despairing RN. Spiraling is easy. Believing it's okay to ask someone if I can talk to them about it, that's hard. Always has been.

Change is good. Breaking old ruts and old expectations is good. New friends and old who ask authentic questions and feel safe to talk to and share feelings, is good.

I think I'm going to ask Jeff to stop asking "what's wrong?" Instead I'm going to ask him to ask, "what's up?" One word may make a lot of difference and not feel like he's making assumptions of crisis or fix-it, because I mostly just need someone to listen. And let me talk. I don't get to do that much lately, and it helps me process when I can do that.

Okay brain empty for now! 😂😂😂

Not what I usually use this icon for...

This post is going to get into some what may qualify as medical squick, because there's a cyst on my sternum, between my breasts. I've had the thing slowly getting larger for something like 35 years, and it's just suddenly /decided/ to open up and release.
Like just this weekend.

Been years since I used the lj-cut technique so I reaserched. Now people can opt in to (or out of) reading medical goop and my thinking/ experiencing.
( medical tmi for the strong, also long post is LONG. )

Witchily speaking (and I can only do otherwise with great effort), it's SUPER INTERESTING to me that this ancient wound/defect/holding on to old stuff is releasing so dramatically in the half week before the Dark Moon, 🌒🌑🌘. This is the phase of releasing and letting go of what we don't need and what no longer serves us, and there's a lot of emotional business cropping up lately which is clearly old scripts and tapes playing.

Time to chuck ALL THAT SHIT. 💩🗑️😂