I woke in pain.

[labelleizzy]

Is the body informing the mind, or is the mind-heart tying the body up in pain?

It's like 6:38 in the morning. 2 hours before I usually get up.

And that was an awful dream.

My life was dreary, and it was my wedding day again, but I wasn't happy and I wasn't marrying Jeff, I was marrying someone so he could get his green card.

There were spiders and rotten ladder rungs in a space I was supposed to climb up into, then I was running away from work at the school I used to work at (where we'd run out of printer paper for the wedding programs) and as I was (literally) running to my home-in-the-dream to get more printer paper, I saw the other part of the wedding party we waiting at a door to the school? And I was going to be late?

And the substitute teacher who was going to take my class for the day was arrogant and awful, my classroom was shabby, even more than it was in real life...

And I woke up slow crying and afraid.

My body hurts.

IDK what my mind is doing, or how much truth is in the emotions of the dream, (shame and fear of being unloved, and the horror of being poor and useless, I think) but I do know things I can do to help my body hurt less.

As Jenroses on Tumblr says, after you pull out some of the forks that are stuck in you, sometimes you find more spoons. She calls that the Fork corollary to the Spoon Theory.

Tylenol, morning meds, maybe some coffee, and put some pants on and go for a walk.

Comments

[tarasacon]

*hugs*

Fwiw, the answer is yes. I pay attention to research on managing chronic pain, inflammation, the gut microbiome, and mood disorders, and the data is clear that they are interwoven. Depression, and other "mental" illnesses have strong physical correlations, specifically with long term, low-level inflammation. And the inflammation correlates with the populations of "healthy" vs. "harmful" critters in the gut microbiome. More and more it's clear that the "mental" is very often an expression of the physical.

On an anecdotal level, I experienced significant relief from a severe depressive episode through finally getting effective treatment for a pain disorder I developed in my 40s. And these days when I can tell my mood is struggling, I first look to manage inflammation through food choices, hydrating, rest, and stretching, as well as making sure I have taken my most recent dose of antiinflammatories.

[labelleizzy]

Thank you, and YES. The interwoven nature of it! The happy chemicals that are manufactured in the gut/digestion. The pain that's best managed by movement, when you've been sitting still reading to cheer yourself up, and your joints and muscles stiffen up.

The old tapes that play and harmonize with or amplify the song of the brainweasels.

I feel like a juggler. How did I do this and hold down a teaching job? Answer: I did it poorly. I do juggle much better now.

Just had a therapy session, she saw me on short notice. Among the homework assignments was advice to continue doing today's self care, and make sure to encourage my own *enjoyment* of it. Eat lunch and enjoy it. Soak sore bones in the tub, and enjoy THAT.

Awhile back I gave myself permission to not make up stories about why my eyes might be leaking. I just let it happen whenever it does. I wake up, and spend 15 min slowly stretching and letting my eyes leak stress chemicals down my face. It seems to help keep me on an even keel along with the other things I do.

Thanks for the notes and the validation, and for sharing your own experience. It does help.