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I should have written this the first time I thought of it but here goes:
What would my life be if I never thought, never worried about how I looked? What would my life be, if I only had to work hard to take care of me and mine, to do and to make, to art and create?
I was lucky, born "pretty" without knowing what that meant. Could they not have taught me how to be social? How to talk to people? But I guess for most people, most children, that's a thing you just DO till you know how. Not me!
The anxiety of "what do they think of me?" Has dogged my life. I didn't know that I was loved, didn't know that my life had any value. Didn't understand unconditional love, or intrinsic value, for me. I loved like that, and learned not to expect it. I valued others like that... And learned not to expect it.
Only now, 10+ years after drawing far away from popular culture, have I come to understand what Safe And Loved And Valued feels like. It's been a slow and gradual healing.
To answer my own question: I could do so much more. I could love more richly, fight more intelligently, build stronger community, teach more kindly, rescue more of those who need help.
And I can.
And I will.
What would my life be if I never thought, never worried about how I looked? What would my life be, if I only had to work hard to take care of me and mine, to do and to make, to art and create?
I was lucky, born "pretty" without knowing what that meant. Could they not have taught me how to be social? How to talk to people? But I guess for most people, most children, that's a thing you just DO till you know how. Not me!
The anxiety of "what do they think of me?" Has dogged my life. I didn't know that I was loved, didn't know that my life had any value. Didn't understand unconditional love, or intrinsic value, for me. I loved like that, and learned not to expect it. I valued others like that... And learned not to expect it.
Only now, 10+ years after drawing far away from popular culture, have I come to understand what Safe And Loved And Valued feels like. It's been a slow and gradual healing.
To answer my own question: I could do so much more. I could love more richly, fight more intelligently, build stronger community, teach more kindly, rescue more of those who need help.
And I can.
And I will.
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