#metoo

[labelleizzy]

Re: the #metoo
I wonder whether perps of sexual assault even recognize that they're perps. Do they justify and normalize their behavior to themselves? Do they bury what they did deep in their brains? Are they ashamed, or proud of what they did? Do they feel powerful? Or does it matter most to them that they got their jollies/an orgasm out of it?

As a teen I used to not know better than to dump my anger/rage/shame off onto other people. It was a relief to let it go, but I was ashamed because I knew that wasn't how I should treat people. I had to learn how to do better, and it's taken many years. I still fuck up.

Research into bullying and social dynamics is in progress, it's been a long road. Start where you are. Learn to feed yourself so YOU don't make the problem worse. Lashing out makes it worse. Dumping responsibility for your actions onto someone else, makes it worse.

Reaching out and making connection, makes it better. Learning more about others, practicing kindness, self regulation, and community building, makes it better.

Add other ideas in the comments about what YOU can do to make it better.

Comments

[meepettemu]

That’s been my big issue with this. I’ve never dated a guy who hasn’t at least tried to pressure me into something I didn’t want to do, and right up the scale. I guarantee that they would not recognise that (and in fact, the worst offender, when I confronted him a year later, responded with ‘how could you think i’d do anything to hurt you?’. So I’m a bit ‘what’s the point?’

[labelleizzy]

"How could you think that of me?" Classic derailing technique. Classic blaming and failure to address your own unethical behavior.

If I've had to look at myself and come to terms with my own ugly entitled behavior, that jerk needs to as well.

Building up our women, our WOC, our POC, our entire human population, should be the GOAL.

First, harm none. it ain't rocket surgery, people. :)

[noahgibbs]

Perps of sexual assault, like other people, vary a lot.

Some are in denial. Some minor ones are genuinely mistaken. Some are knowing horrible predators. Some are knowing horrible predators pretending to be in denial when convenient.

I don't have any particular advice around that other than "since you can't truly know other people's motivations, focus on the behavior more than the motivation."

[labelleizzy]

*nodding* the Storyteller brain wants to know WHY all the time. But really the what is the most important.