Rape Culture: No Means No

[labelleizzy]

Gentlemen of my reading list, particularly you of the feminist stripe:

a friend seeks assistance. She needs twenty-five more men to stand up against rape and rape culture, publicly.

You can read about it here and here.

I've particularly been struck by a recent meme on Facebook, which concludes that men should be offended when other men are apologists for rape culture or seek for exceptions to No Means No; to assume that men's natural state is rapist is a blow to all the kind, loving, and decent men I know who would never think of being so selfish as to force ANY unwanted attentions on ANYONE.

I HATE this topic. I HATE that we have to talk about this, that we have to convince people, that it ACTUALLY STILL NEEDS SAYING.

But our world is not as kind or as generous as I would have it be, and humans are not, either.
And so we have to explicitly *tell* people that sexual assault of ANY kind is not okay, and we have to do what we can to tip the balance toward respect for the agency and physical integrity of every individual, no matter their gender, sexual orientation, identification, presentation, history or reputation.

No means no.

Gentlemen of my friends list, please consider participating in YesheRabbit's project. I thank you in advance.

Comments

[tara-bella.livejournal.com]

"No means no" is only a start. Sexual assault will end when we finally teach everyone that "only yes means yes".

[http://users.livejournal.com/merle_/]

Hopefully by beating the lesson into them. I think of most things as relative when it comes to good and evil, but rape is pure distilled evil and needs to be fought.

And Liz, I tend to think of myself as a humanist or personist rather than a feminist. Perhaps I grew up around good strong females but I always considered the genders equal and found history quite bewildering.

[plymouth.livejournal.com]

Especially since actual refusals rarely use the word 'no'.

[tara-bella.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing that article. It clarified a few important concepts for me, and the comments were even better. My younger daughter just turned 13, and unlike me, she is very social and hates to hurt anyone's feelings. I realize now that I have to talk to her about how to say no in a way that will get the point across without her feeling bad about it, and what to do when that fails.

I'm going to pass the article along to other mothers I know. I think we all need to hear this.

[pure-agnostic.livejournal.com]

Let's go beyond saying "only yes means yes". Let's make the point that only a freely given, non-coerced yes means yes.

I'd like to borrow a couple of phrases I found on a poster about rape culture.

* Badgering somebody until they finally say yes makes you a rapist. (Or as put another way, "50 no's and 1 yes is still no".)

* Getting them high, drunk, or drugged before they say yes makes you a rapist.

[jadefalcon01.livejournal.com]

Hey. Pinged you about stopping by tomorrow. Jeff and I should do this.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

OK.
Sorry it took so long.
Crazy busy.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Thanks for stepping up, Frank, no matter when you do it.

(Grin)