Inktober/wordtober/poem a day

The prompt was "Nessie" but I'm taking this somewhere else underwater.

Longing. Have you ever been shamed for what you craved? Has your longing ever been pointed out as wrong or weird or twisted or broken or an imposition or something unnecessary?

I have. I've been shamed for wanting things, for wanting experiences, for wanting people. And I don't think that was right. And most days I'm okay, most days it feels like I'm over it, but today is not one of those days.

The thing about a longing is it doesn't come out of your mind. It's not a thought. It wells up from deep in your belly, deep in your heart, or dare I say it, spirit or soul. You can't talk yourself out of a longing.

You can hold yourself quiet about it, can keep the surface of your personal pond pristine and peaceful. Still, underneath the surface something lives, something moves, something travels. Something roils the water beneath the surface.

And there are days where I can no longer bear to live on the quiet pristine peaceful surface. On a day like today, I sink below to the Deep places, where the water presses through my flesh and into my bones.

I sink down to the deep mud churned places, where I can finally breathe.

Hope is the thing with feathers...

I know.

❤️💛💚💙💜

I know you are trying your best. I know it doesn't always feel like enough. I know that some days, even weeks, months and years, can feel shitty and hard, and can hurt like nobody would believe.

I believe in you.

You can do the thing. You can do the thing that is hard, whatever it is. Sometimes you have to take it in tiny steps. Sometimes it takes a long time. Today I did something that it took me thirty + years, twenty + of which I've been off and on in therapy, to be able to do.

You can do it. I know you can.

❤️💛💚💙💜

https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/178994261897/i-know