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Funny How a few of the things that give me joy, also give me anxiety.
Gender-related questions give me joy and also anxiety. I was plucking my chin hairs again today, and realizing that having facial hair changes my presentation. Which gives me anxiety. Another thing that gives me joy and anxiety is aging. Growing older, understanding the way the world works in new ways, more complex ways, gives me joy and also infuriates me and also makes me want to punch governmental bodies and rich people and the entire human course of history. It's complicated. Not really sure what to say, how to juggle these things. I know it's just a part of being human. We cope with the facts that the world is finite, our lives are finite, our accomplishments are finite. We cope with the fact that the world expects things of us, and sometimes we expect things of ourselves that we've been entrained to expect call me even if it's not really what we would want for ourselves, if we could unplug ourselves from the expectations of society, traditions, and the outside world.
I'm decently content with my privilege life. I get to spend my days largely how I want to, and though I feel guilty because that's not the case for maybe 95% of the world, I would rather bring more freedom to do what you want to the rest of the world, then to force myself to feel guilty for my ability to live freely and to choose.
I'm rambling a bit today. I have questions and conversations I would like to have and have answered. I know that once I had a teacher. Once I had a guide. Once I had someone who made it and expectation that they would ask me questions that would force me to think about who I was, what I wanted, what I was doing with my life, and if I was satisfied with that.
I'm not generally speaking, very good at pushing myself into doing things that I find emotionally difficult. And I'm not really sure how to do that now. I feel like it would be beneficial, if I could find some means of doing that some means of forcing myself to answer my questions, to even delve down and discover what the questions are...
Thanks for listening. Voice to text helps a lot in moments like today. And I just needed to speak, to make notes, to think out loud.
Dear dream with I hope you are doing well, I hope you all are staying safe and happy. I hope that your burdens are no heavier than you can bear.
Gender-related questions give me joy and also anxiety. I was plucking my chin hairs again today, and realizing that having facial hair changes my presentation. Which gives me anxiety. Another thing that gives me joy and anxiety is aging. Growing older, understanding the way the world works in new ways, more complex ways, gives me joy and also infuriates me and also makes me want to punch governmental bodies and rich people and the entire human course of history. It's complicated. Not really sure what to say, how to juggle these things. I know it's just a part of being human. We cope with the facts that the world is finite, our lives are finite, our accomplishments are finite. We cope with the fact that the world expects things of us, and sometimes we expect things of ourselves that we've been entrained to expect call me even if it's not really what we would want for ourselves, if we could unplug ourselves from the expectations of society, traditions, and the outside world.
I'm decently content with my privilege life. I get to spend my days largely how I want to, and though I feel guilty because that's not the case for maybe 95% of the world, I would rather bring more freedom to do what you want to the rest of the world, then to force myself to feel guilty for my ability to live freely and to choose.
I'm rambling a bit today. I have questions and conversations I would like to have and have answered. I know that once I had a teacher. Once I had a guide. Once I had someone who made it and expectation that they would ask me questions that would force me to think about who I was, what I wanted, what I was doing with my life, and if I was satisfied with that.
I'm not generally speaking, very good at pushing myself into doing things that I find emotionally difficult. And I'm not really sure how to do that now. I feel like it would be beneficial, if I could find some means of doing that some means of forcing myself to answer my questions, to even delve down and discover what the questions are...
Thanks for listening. Voice to text helps a lot in moments like today. And I just needed to speak, to make notes, to think out loud.
Dear dream with I hope you are doing well, I hope you all are staying safe and happy. I hope that your burdens are no heavier than you can bear.
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