Crossing the T's and Dotting the I's

[labelleizzy]

I never used to think of myself as an artist, which is funny and sad on a number of levels. I had this image of myself as a fuckup, someone who does stuff half-assed, has trouble with completing projects, and I wouldn't let myself justify costuming or calligraphy or writing as "artistic". I'm almost entirely self-taught in those realms, which was part of the problem.

Finally I decided I could call myself an artist once I'd become a part of the Waldorf teaching tradition. My program follows one of Steiner's precepts, that the Teacher as Artist is a goal to strive toward. And it's made clear that the artistic technique is not just meant for the Art of Teaching, though it's a part. I struggled hard to make my work "artistic" as my teachers requested, characterizing rather than defining, showing the gesture or direction of an idea rather than delineating it.

I also struggled with comparing myself to my classmates. I have always been an enthusiastic maker of images, but I had never had much instruction with regard to technique, while half my classmates produced what seemed like masterworks in comparison to my own clumsy efforts.

The first teacher training art class I felt at home at, wasn't even an *art* class.
The second half of the High School Mathematics curriculum taught to the Waldorf Teachers-in-training is Geometry, including the artistic component of Geometric Drawings.
There is a real peace in learning how to be precise. We were explicitly taught the steps and stages for any geometric construction. Bless Patrick for a meticulous teacher, breaking down the techniques with ease and clarity, having us practice until we understood.


(image of a 24-point geometric web)

Once I began the process of drawing a geometric figure, I found myself in this incredibly clear-headed space. Like a life-long weight of self-judgment had lifted. Liberating!
I can't even really explain how it felt, what it did to my head, to my sense of self, to be able to grok clearly and completely how to construct this precise and beautiful thing.


(image titled "Flowery fun with geometry" using many interlocking circles and colors and shading to create a flower shape.)

Being able to create these complex and meticulous drawings sent me into a very Zen space. My head quieted, my focus narrowed, and all there was in the world was me, my hands, the paper, tools, and pencil. Completely "in the Zone", completely in flow-state, I very rarely wanted to stop or even pause in the process. It seemed *easy*, and was definitely FUN.

I had a paradigm shift. No longer could I tell myself "it's too hard, I can't do that, too complicated, too detailed, I'm not ____..." where ___ could be anything from "that kind of artist" or "precise" or "clever like that" or "skilled like that" or even the base canard, "good enough". Those evil little brainweasel voices couldn't be heard over the all-consuming focus on the process of construction, the flow that somehow seemed so easy in such an unexpected place after so long striving after it.


(image titled "simple geometric flower with notes", seven interlocking circles filled in with blue, pink and green.)

Why am I not doing geometric drawing all the time? It's lovely, it's satisfying, and there are thousands of possible projects to practice.
Why NOT do a thing I enjoy, and that brings me peace? Why NOT enjoy exploring my skills, expanding my image of myself to include calm precision and creation of beauty?

Every day we grow and change. We all transform ourselves into new people, a little at a time. Sometimes the transformation is consciously done, sometimes simple passage of time creates the transformation without us thinking much about what we're growing into, what we're becoming.

If the time will pass regardless, why NOT be intentional about what you choose to do with your transformation?

I wanna get GOOD at the art. And I know it doesn't just happen, I know I have to work at it. I have to LET myself get good at it. I have to be willing to fail and to suck and to throw stuff away sometimes. I have to go GET what I need to get better, I have to take lessons, write scripts for comics, watch YouTube instructional videos, practice little chibi drawings, start doodling on my tablet computer, and with the watercolor paints, and just allow myself to practice and experiment.

And I have to remember that nothing worth having is birthed all of a sudden.


(image titled "Complex Geometrical Flower stage 1", initial shading and coloring)

Art in particular is part of a slow and steady process, a conversation between me and the paper, or the clay, or the paint or fabric or the computer screen.


(image titled "Complex Geometrical Flower stage 2", intermediate stage of shading and coloring)

Art for art's sake is fine, I think it's a worthy goal just to bring more beauty into the world, to provoke conversation or thought or change. Art has the ability to wake people up to something they may be unaware of in the world.


(image titled "Complex Geometrical Flower stage 3", completed shading and coloring)

Art can serve an even higher purpose though. Art can bring a chance for transformation and healing, rest and respite, community and peace.
All of these are things that the artistic process has taught me, has brought to me.

This, this making things, making art, changing one thing into another thing by channeling ideas and images THROUGH ME, this is one way I can contribute to the world.
And to make this contribution, means that I can give myself permission to learn these skills properly, to practice the crafts that I love: writing, art, communication, teaching, healing. I can give myself permission to practice them until I am properly good at those skills and can then use them out in the world to the end result of community and healing.

There's so much pain in the world and not nearly enough beauty. Too much loneliness and not nearly enough love, compassion, and beauty.

I can do this. I can remember, and use as fuel for the work, the fact that the things I HAVEN'T done are the things I have most regretted.

Face the Fear and Do It Anyway.

Comments

[maestrodog.livejournal.com]

This reminds me of the old Spirograph toy I used to have, except I could never get the hang of keeping the gears set around the outside spokes, and had troubles with the odder shapes as well...was only able to make the patterns consisting of the circular gears on the inside section of the ring without screwing everything up. You've got talent!!

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

I remember loving the Spirograph too. We never owned one, so I think I borrowed my cousins'?

as far as talent, I'd call it skill. I could teach just about anyone to do the basics of the above in a couple hours. Developing your own aesthetic for the coloring, takes a bit longer, and it helps to have been steeped in art for three years while I did the Waldorf teacher training.

Thanks for the compliment. =)

[uncawes.livejournal.com]

Like maestrodog said, the pics remind me of old Spirograph.
You're very talented, with words and art.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

thank you! Very kind of you to say so.

[ellison.livejournal.com]

These are so beautiful!! It's often easy to forget to make art for art's sake but you're right, that is the whole point. And I love the ending - always a great message. :-)

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

A drama teacher friend of mine had a slogan: Dare to Suck!!

Because if you don't try and fail and try again, are you learning anything worthwile?

I've been playing it easy for too long. Time to Dare Bigger, Fail bigger! (ooh, I forgot to add that tag!) brb, editing tags...

[ellison.livejournal.com]

I like Dare to Suck!! It's true!

[crisp-sobriety.livejournal.com]

Man, I can relate to about every word of this.

Those drawings are beautiful, and so is this piece. I will strive to have this much precision and elegance in my own writing.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

*quiet, contented sigh*
You are a love for saying so. This comment put a gigantic smile on my face.

[tjoel2]

I love this! I am an artist, and I can finally say that now. Not because I make a living selling my art (although I do sell), and not because I have an MFA (although I do have several art classes under my belt), but because I am. That's all there is to it.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Claiming a label for oneself is so damn empowering. It's hard to do, especially with a word that has so many emotionally laden connotations like "artist", you know, like it's the pinnacle of creation... "she's an artist with pastry" "their artistry is ..."

And I've struggled with the different connotations between "art" and "craft", "skill" and "talent" for years.

I'm a dancer. Does that make me an artist? I'd argue it makes me artistic. But then I struggled for nearly 20 years of regular dancing and performance before I was willing to claim "dancer" for myself.

Is "crafting" any less-than "making art"? where does the line lie?

I just need to MAKE MORE STUFF and quit judging myself on what to call it, or how to value it.

Have you ever read about the Cult Of Done? their manifesto is amazing, broke a lot of stuff loose in my brain. Here's a lovely infographic: http://smarthive.com/item/cult-of-done-manifesto-infographic/

[tjoel2]

Thanks for the link! I had not heard of that.

I absolutely consider dance an art form. For me it falls under the performance arts.

A book that is really helping me right now is The Artist's Way http://www.amazon.com/dp/1585421464/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=48966404438&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6321019290216380060&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_2rwdoftul3_b

It's really focused on any type of creativity.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

ok, brb, gonna get off the computer and go Make Some Stuff now...

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

It makes sense that Sacred Geometry would bring you to a zen place...you should meet Matt Taylor up at Cedar Springs...it's really his thing.

I love it too....I have a book I want to work through and I bought the uber special Mercurius compass to pull it off...

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

need to find my compass and play making some more templates to color, that's my favorite part!

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

I love these pictures! So pretty. And you touched on a lot of how I feel about my learning process with writing. I don't really know what I'm doing, and a lot of the time I don't feel comfortable. What I create does not always come out how I wanted it to. And flow... it is so awesome, but sometimes I find it so hard to achieve.

Good luck and good job. :)

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

finding and doing more of the things that put me in flow state is the agenda for my 45th year on the planet. <3

PS I like your writing!

[n3m3sis43.livejournal.com]

Remembering how to get back into the flow state with the things that put me there is on my agenda for this year (38th, at the moment). And thank you!! <3

[itsjustc.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed reading this and seeing your work.

I didn't think of spirograph straight away but I was reminded of those geometric colouring books that I used to love as a child.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

thank you! I like that people are harking back to childhood. Child-mind is one of my favorite things bout creating art!

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

This is lovely.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

awww, thank you. =)

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

You're welcome.

[kajel.livejournal.com]

Those are lovely pictures! Great job with this.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

These are surprisingly beautiful geometric drawings!

This makes me think of Spirograph too, though you get the added part there of the hypnotic hand movements. Mmmmmm...