100 things: massage and working out (#68)

[labelleizzy]

Just like two weeks ago when I had that shift where my shoulder released, this week goes workout, massage, workout. Massage was today, and I told Danniel about the progress of two weeks ago on the left shoulder, and asked him to work on the right, and a bit on places where I am sore from yesterday's workout...

 

 

 

working with Danniel feels like Safe Space. He has proved i can trust him.  But it is WORK, sometimes more than others... to trust, to consciously relax and let someone cause me PAIN because I know if I can relax, and let him do what he's proved he's excellent at, I will make further physical progress in my struggle to gain full body Strength and Flexibility. (your mileage may vary, of course)

 

 

 

Today was excruciating all through both shoulders, down the pectorals, and through the big muscles that form the armpit, front and back.

 

 

 

part of what makes Danniel so special as a massage therapist is that I... well. I am very vocal during massage. I make a lot of what I know are noises not generally OK in public spaces... and I've never had him make me feel weird or wrong or even an iota uncomfortable for doing so.

 

 

 

and he does deep painful work, and uses my sounds as guides, digging in or holding steady as is needed.
Today there were a few moments where I was hyperventilating because the pain was pretty intense, but I could feel the muscle fibers lengthening and the moment where I conquered the pain by enduring it was the moment that the muscle relaxed and gave in, and then the pain got less. (story of my life in a nutshell, right here.)

 

 

 

I had an odd moment there this morning, where I felt like all the hollering and moaning and groaning was actually deep releases of very old pain, pain from times in my life when it wasn't safe or smart to grieve or express myself out loud.  it's being an incredibly valuable experience to VOCALIZE when it hurts, even if, or maybe because, it's nonverbal noise.  And because it's safe.  I didn't have the privilege of crying with someone there to comfort me till I was well past 30... I appreciate this deeply on account of I didn't get to have it growing up.

 

 

 

I'm proud of myself for doing this healing work even when it's not "fun" or pleasurable. I'm learning to value myself in the physical realm and to do what's needed to take care of and maintain the health of my body.

 

 

 

my goal is to be a spry and flexible and juicy old broad, who laughs too loud and too long, who amuses and offends the neighbors, and who goes on all kinds of adventures with all kinds of friends.

 

 

 

And what I am doing now, is building strength and good habits slowly and carefully, so I can achieve that goal.

 

 

 

Looking cute was never enough motivation for me... but comparing confident and strong old ladies and weak, tottering old ladies at the gym?

 

 

 

well. which group do YOU want to be in?
Best. Motivation. Ever.

 

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Comments

[dangerpudding.livejournal.com]

My core decision making process boils down to "what will I be happiest I've done when I'm 80?"

I recommend it, though my 80-year-old self might be a bit more adventure-story-telling focused than others. :)

[kittiliscious.livejournal.com]

Deep muscle work can be so painful. I just try to exhale through it.

I'm glad you have a therapist with whom you are comfortable. I have a thing where my pelvis jerks violently when I'm getting a massage, so I have to warn folks about that. :)

[sqwook.livejournal.com]

Hi! Here via friends-of-friends, and I wanted to say that this part really resonated with me, to the point that I came back to re-find it and note it:

"Today there were a few moments where I was hyperventilating because the pain was pretty intense, but I could feel the muscle fibers lengthening and the moment where I conquered the pain by enduring it was the moment that the muscle relaxed and gave in, and then the pain got less. (story of my life in a nutshell, right here.)"

I do yoga, and thinking of this has helped me relax into postures more, because you're right, that's what the muscles need, /especially/ whey they are tight & in pain - breathe, expand, and endure it, so it can relax.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

hi! thanks for your comment! It's always good to know that we are all in it together.

are you doing yoga regularly? I've been missing classes frequently, and my body misses it, but my brain has been busy with Other Things. I would like to get back to the practice and the classes.

[sqwook.livejournal.com]

I have yoga M-W-Sa and yes, I have been going really regularly. (Yay me!) And I just mentioned to my instructor that it's when I have 'meltdowns' during the day that I don't find the will to get to class, so my plan was to come tomorrow, truly, and she laughed and understood and said I could txt any time if I needed/wanted outside support to get out the door.
My body feels better when I do all 3 days a week, definitely. (The yoga & the aerobics-dance-style class beforehand are really my main/only source of exercise.)