Temperance/Sobriety observation

[labelleizzy]

So I came to the conclusion that one of the not quite verbalized reasons I was drinking was to dull down my Weird. And maybe my Wyrd as well, but that's another post entirely...


I am also realizing that drinking dulls my Anger. And my Perception, Insight, Outrage, Frustration, Pathfinding, Desire (both in the YaGottaWanna and the Hello,Nurse! contexts...), my GitErDone, my GetOuttaDodge, just a lot of motivational feelings and urges, all dulled down.

So yeah. I'm angry. and frustrated, and outraged. I am perceptive and insightful. I have a lot of good qualities that are coming back up to the surface where I've been drowning them. Maybe for years.

I'm still trying to let this whole Paradigm shift thing work its Mojo, trying to clear the way for it without, yanno, pulling the carrots out of the ground to measure their growth...

it's partly the not drinking and partly the Waldorf practices and meditations and partly it's just TIME for another big shift. And partly cos I WANT things to change, shift, consolidate, get more concrete, get stronger, more intense, sharper, brighter, clearer.

I don't want to be dull anymore, in any sense of the word.

Continue watching this space for further developments.

Comments

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

Why on earth would you want to dull down so many good qualities?

Maybe it's time to move out of the suburbs. Or at least get new neighbours?

[temperance14.livejournal.com]

And THAT's why you're a Scorpio dear.
Full of Piss, Vinegar,and Venom

Ain't it great!
Remember: use your superpower of Piss and Vinegar wisely.

[dakini-grl.livejournal.com]

I feel like I'm getting only the highlights here, but I will say this: yes, exactly. I hope you continue seeking a counselor for your very own self regardless of cost, and make a decision about sobriety/drinking as you see fits against what you are learning.

(For myself, there is always an internal check about *why* I am drinking. Is it to enjoy it or to try and drown some discomfort? The more I look at it, the less able I am to bullshit myself about the why.)