Maturity, Aging, or just "Getting Older"?

[labelleizzy]

Finding myself lately, looking at a lot of older people. I see people with white hair and wrinkles, in athletic shoes and support hose, walking confidently or with a walker or in a wheelchair, hand in hand with a companion - a sweetie, a daughter, a son (or so I assume), or a caregiver (again I assume)...

and I realize I am indeed at middle age.

42 is a good age to be at, but I will be exceptional for my family if I live to significantly past 80.
So now is a good time, especially since I HAVE the time right now, this year, this season, to think and plan out what I want middle age to look and feel like, and to think and plan and imagine what eldering will or may look and feel like for me.

I think I need to really re-examine what I think I know about getting older, and what it will feel like from the inside. I think I am learning that a lot of assumptions I used to have about how the world worked, drove COMPLETELY off the tracks after I discovered a pagan practice, after I discovered a polyamorous lifestyle, after I realized I don't, and I can't, fit tidily into the boxes that pop culture seems to want to put everyone into.

I overflow. I am large and abundant and have way too much love and hope and earnest curiosity and quirky interests. I am not nearly sarcastic or bitter enough for "what it feels like is expected of me". I'm an idealist. I'm inclusive. I'm passionate and frequently relaxed and forgiving. I like to make things myself, to find things out myself.

I don't think we have enough dialog about what it means to leave the Youth Culture behind and move into ... what? What does it *mean* to "get older" or to "become mature" or "adult"?

Who are the models of behavior? What do we need to do to move from here to ... wherever there is? What can, what MUST we shed and leave behind to make the journey?

If I think of this process in a pagan context, I can use the five-stage model, which goes Maiden-Mother-Teacher-Warrior-Crone. (the last four steps, I feel, interchange and interweave in women's lives as we grow older and more experienced and sure of ourselves, rather than being concrete, definable stages we progress through in an orderly fashion.)

I've been through Maiden, Mother/Teacher stage (my teaching and librarianing all had a deeply maternal caretaking quality), have spent some time in Teacher/Warrior stage and want to spend more there and gain in strength and confidence. I want to return to Mother/Teacher stage as an artist, birthing words and images and inspiration... since I can't birth my children, I will find children to mother and mentor and teach; I can't "lose myself" in childrearing, so I will strive toward finding myself in artistic and community endeavor. I will find my own teachers, and worry later about Being Teacher, if I choose to return to that. Teacher/Warrior needs community, and I've let my community drift away from me for too long. If I rebuild and regrow Community for myself, I think that over time, my other needs will gradually be met: needs for people time, needs for meaningful work, needs for playful and productive connection and belonging. And my need for FUN. =)

Have been living in "stuck" mode for too long. Been struggling to do *anything* productive. I've been homecaring, and taking care of my own body. The good part of that, is that for the first time in my life, taking care of my physical self is an unconflicted, unguilted, first priority. Too many "wake up" calls about my health in the last few years.

No more "shoulds": The change is here. I *am* moving my body. I *am* finding the foods and activities that help me feel strong and healthy and good. I *am* looking to the future, to 50, 60, and yes, to 80. I'm Off The Path. I have NO idea what these years are "supposed to look like" and you know what? I don't care. I can survive in the wilderness, I can feed myself and take care of others and make all my own tools.

Not getting any younger. (in some ways, thank Gods for that!) Therefore: NOW it is time to take stock/inventory, time to truly see where I am as I descend into the season of Dionysos, into the dark and the cold, into the introspective time and the Lesser Madness. Sink my Roots. Allow myself the time to make my Tools, talk with others about the Path Ahead, laugh and eat and drink wine around the fire, love hard and plan to Do Important Things before I die.

Ripples in the pond. Are my ripples from a big ol' PLONK or are they the cascade of light, sweet rings shimmering out from a single smooth stone skipped far across the pond? I'm hoping for a many-times multiple skip with a surprising dogleg hop at the end before the splash...

Comments

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

Make sure to include models of healthy, strong, vigorous aging when you are thinking this through.

My teacher is over seventy and still works part time as a cleaning lady. She can get up and down off the floor without her hands and she takes the bus everywhere because she doesn't drive.

You and I are both still young enough that we can make a serious impact on our future health and strength by the choices we make now.

I started on this path because I don't want to be my mother and a lot of my mother's physical problems are self caused by inactivity and lack of attention to her own health.

It's well worth seeing how vigorous people became vigorous and maintain that vigor for as long as possible.

Good luck!

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

I totally agree. I want to be one of the ladies walking strong and with good posture and flexibility, holding her sweetie's hand.

I need to think more about models of health and strength (and humor and flexibility of body and soul) where I might find them in fiction.

You get lots of YOUNG heroes, like. Who are the middle aged strong, successful archetypes? (especially for non-parents)?

[http://users.livejournal.com/merle_/]

after I realized I don't, and I can't, fit tidily into the boxes that pop culture seems to want to put everyone into

Somehow this was a lesson I learned before I was even sentient. It's a good thing. Boxes are for losers who want to hang out in the backroom of a UPS office.

I can use the five-stage model, which goes Maiden-Mother-Teacher-Warrior-Crone

Huh. I would have thought that Warrior would go on both sides of the Mother/Teacher, but my beliefs are not terribly conforming.

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

I am so with you on this. In fact, this whole post is a good reflection of what has been going through my head of late!

I wish I had a list of the "older" heroes that I saw in an Aegis in pictures on the wall. The four older men in their 70's who swam across large bodies of water together, the 80 yo woman still running marathons, the 67 yo woman still graceful and agile and teaching young girls to be just like here....there gym wall was covered in the pictures and descriptions. That was the beginning of my inspiration for change.

[serendipity17.livejournal.com]

I've been in Teacher/Warrior mode myself for a while now. I have a couple younger dance-circle acquaintances that don't realize our relationship is more "mentor/mentee" than balanced friends, but I figure that the issues they're dealing with, I can at least share my experiences.

On the dance front, I'm honing my Teacher skills on a much more regular basis, being Senior Female of the frequent-attendees of ECD_Davis. I'm dancing/calling from the left side and although we don't always make it smoothly through the first time, by the third time we've stopped, figured out what I'm missing, and put it back together, we're that much the stronger for it.

Warrior mode is getting me through my house projects. I'm the person-in-charge (wow) and if I don't do it or arrange for it, it's probably not getting done. I've got spiders watching out for the mantel and the downstairs. It's a very balanced-feeling space; the challenge is to not embrace the potential for clutter.

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

My high school physics teacher climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro in his seventies.

I want to be like that.

[blackberry74.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you posted this. You and I are just five years apart, and it's time for me to start thinking about this too. Especially now that the funerals are hitting closer to home. What do I want to accomplish before I go? Something to think about.

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

I saw some of what he did to get there, and I'm not that tough yet. But I'm working on it.

He wanted to be able to use his heart and lungs as best he could. Distance running.

Technique and skill. Rock climbing.

Strength and flexibility. Weight training and yoga.

I met him in his early sixties. And he'd been a skinny scrawny kid. It takes work. Step by step work.

When I climb my first 5.11 I will send him a note.