The problem I found---and still find---is the "control thing"

I know we can't grieve all the time in public. We try to keep our emotions tidy for others, and under control so we can get on with our lives.

But, we schedule so much "tidy time" we don't have much grief time.
You need time to get away from others and just cry. Grieve. Just feel what ever emotions come up, without feeling the need to apologize or explain to others.

Just feel. You need to schedule time away from others, or with others who can deal with your emotions.

You need unstructured, "unanswerable" release time of all you Scotty emotions. And not just once.