I too get jealous/envious of the social successes of others, particularly others who are close to me, really particularly the ones who don't notice I'm missing (because at a gathering, they're rolling around in their social success like cats in catnip?). And then I don't trust those people to have my back, not quite so much, after that. And they wonder why and I can't even explain very well. How do you explain something like that to someone who has never had the lack of it?
I have an oversimplistic view that says the charming and outgoing types make friends _easily_, while the ones who are a little more cautious and slow make friends _deeply_. That's a bit too pat to be wholly true all the time, but I suspect there's a lot of truth behind it nonetheless. The ones who are charming aren't the ones who are gonna notice unprompted that you're looking a bit blue today. They're not the ones who will be a little vulnerable and let you see who they are inside (at least not easily). Maybe they'll help in a job search. Great! I'll be grateful. But "friend" can go so much farther.
Reasons: I agree that reasons are not excuses, but they do change what we do and when, how we approach it and what our likely path to success will be. I am trying to learn to be kind to myself about all of that. IT'S SO STINKING HARD! It's likely the work of a lifetime. I'll be your support-buddy about that here if you like, & you can be mine, if you like.
Would it feel better, hypothetically, if you knew someone had missed you, but just failed to check in on you?
That would be a little bit sad, but better than what I've got; I've checked.
Some of the folk in my circle have certainly got their own problems at the moment. I grok that. I want to be the kind of friend who understands that & waits & hangs in there, so I will. Others just aren't really wired to notice people around them, and that doesn't mean they're bad people, either, just... we all need a few friends in each category, yanno?
Anyway. Reaching out more. I'm with you. I need to do this. It's important, and whether or not people reach back, it's STILL important and I still need to do more of it. Thank you for pointing it out. ♥
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I have an oversimplistic view that says the charming and outgoing types make friends _easily_, while the ones who are a little more cautious and slow make friends _deeply_. That's a bit too pat to be wholly true all the time, but I suspect there's a lot of truth behind it nonetheless. The ones who are charming aren't the ones who are gonna notice unprompted that you're looking a bit blue today. They're not the ones who will be a little vulnerable and let you see who they are inside (at least not easily). Maybe they'll help in a job search. Great! I'll be grateful. But "friend" can go so much farther.
Reasons: I agree that reasons are not excuses, but they do change what we do and when, how we approach it and what our likely path to success will be. I am trying to learn to be kind to myself about all of that. IT'S SO STINKING HARD! It's likely the work of a lifetime. I'll be your support-buddy about that here if you like, & you can be mine, if you like.
Would it feel better, hypothetically, if you knew someone had missed you, but just failed to check in on you?
That would be a little bit sad, but better than what I've got; I've checked.
Some of the folk in my circle have certainly got their own problems at the moment. I grok that. I want to be the kind of friend who understands that & waits & hangs in there, so I will. Others just aren't really wired to notice people around them, and that doesn't mean they're bad people, either, just... we all need a few friends in each category, yanno?
Anyway. Reaching out more. I'm with you. I need to do this. It's important, and whether or not people reach back, it's STILL important and I still need to do more of it. Thank you for pointing it out. ♥