Be the change you want to see.

Rainy day and I can't complain

Thu, 18 Mar 2021 22:51:07 GMT

I can't complain that it's rainy, because I have until recently been saying California needs so much more in the rain! But it is cold, and it is gray, and I have been struggling with my brains again.

Different friends have been posting about getting the covid vaccine. I'm glad for them, and the same way that I will be glad for me, considering everything that we've all put on hold for the last 12 months, or even longer.

I went looking on Kaiser's website about what are the criteria now for being eligible for vaccination. One of the criteria is a BMI of 40 or over. So out of curiosity I plugged my numbers in, I climbed on the scale for the first time in over a year, and I have now broken 230 lb. Which I don't know that I feel some kind of way about it. It sort of just seems like a datum? Maybe that's a healthy way of looking at my weight. Anyway apparently I am a possessor of a BMI of 39.8. Which I guess strictly speaking doesn't make me eligible for the bump up in timeline to receive the vaccine. And my brain has not been letting me go out and dig and research for other appointments to get it. Every time I think about that as something I could possibly be doing, I find it flittering away like it's a butterfly? Straight out of my brain and something else distracting comes on in to my head. I click the next link or I change social media sites or I get up and make myself a snack. On the upside I'm currently working on my snack and a glass of water with a slice of lemon in it. Because I was just advising other folks who I know who had reasons to be taken care of themselves during a grief process, that you need to take care of the physical body so I'm taking my own advice and that's a good thing.

So what it is, is I'm fat, I have diabetes, but it's pretty well managed. I believe our numbers are under 7.5, generally, which is according to the CDC website the tipping point for being able to access early vaccine. The question that I had was does my blood clotting disorder count as a serious enough condition, considering that it too is very well managed. And I haven't yet had the courage to email my doctor about that specific question.

Okay I'm going to go ahead and eat my late lunch, drink my water, and hopefully I will I want to try calling my mom? And maybe after I eat I will have the energy to try doing that. I've been in some pain lately, from an unexplained pain in my hip socket, which has drawn the knee, and the ankle with my previous injuries there out of whack. And I don't know what yet to do about it. I'm working on some different things physical therapy wise, and I took a Flexeril last night to be able to sleep and my ankle and my knee both readjusted themselves this morning during the usual regimen of stretches and the hip got worse, and by worse I mean more painful so whatever is going on in my hip is a problem

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Fri, 06 Mar 2020 16:41:07 GMT

I woke naturally and feeling well rested at 7. Dressed for the gym already (normal alarm just went off), read Facebook and Tumblr, and I'm not hurting this morning. The young lady who did my pedicure (I love the massage part, clearly!) Helped release a lot of the OW THAT HURTS that SIXTEEN HOURS OF STANDING on election day did to my body.

Made some new friends, more about that when I get back from the gym. Probably.

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health update: hand/wrist and foot/ankle

Sun, 03 Sep 2017 03:26:56 GMT

y'all, if you've broken yourself and you still have pain, may I recommend seeing a good chiropractor?

*emphasis on GOOD*

I probably don't, almost certainly don't, see Larry often enough, given the number and range of my life of dislocations, injuries and breaks. (and they're all on the right hand side!)

Like a really thorough massage, when I go and lie on Larry's table, the end result has always been a drastic decrease in pain, drastic increase in flexibility, and an ongoing process of continuing indirect adjustments that my body does for itself after the direct treatment.

tonight I had a nice rich orgasm followed by a lovely nap, and then I was stretching around in bed as I usually do nowadays when I wake up, and two things adjusted themselves in my wrist, and my ACHILLES TENDON that's been tight and giving me grief for months and sometimes, makes me hobble really bad for an hour after I wake up.

y'all, it just went CLICK and I'm gonna test it in the morning but I think it's settled back in where it's supposed to be!

and yesterday my left shoulder just stretched forward and to the side and went CLICK and I have +15 degrees of flexibility going backwards now on both sides. just WOW.

I keep forgetting how many times I've broken this body of mine in various ways. this car wreck of NYE is the first one in memory that I didn't contribute to with some kind of impulsive action. There's a lot less, as in almost none, self blame in this case. I've just been working on healing, and healing minus blaming myself is actually not too bad at all.

but yeah. During this process I worked multiple times with medical doctors, the orthopedic doc, the physical therapist, my massage therapist, the chiropractor, and twice a week with my trainer at the gym.

healing is hard goddamn work and I'm trying like hell to not feel guilty that I have the resources and time necessary to try and heal up properly. If I were still employed in the education profession I would never have allowed myself this time energy and attention to heal as completely as I have while underemployed; that culture is hip-deep in a guilt and martyrdom complex of sacrificing yourself for the kids and I ain't about that anymore. sixteen years is plenty.

I'm healing and I refuse to feel guilty about this.

Note to self: remember the isometric stretches and counter stretches to encourage the tight places to relax.

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Re the hand

Thu, 31 Aug 2017 17:53:55 GMT

This morning I wake up and at least my hand isn't swollen and I can basically close my fingers into a fist. The last two joints of the pinky are still swollen and sore and my ring finger is sore and doesn't want to curl up completely. Shoulders are tight, glad I've been spending the time with the theracane under my shoulder blade and the back of my arm... consistently tight muscles back there, hurt. Have trouble putting my arms behind my back or doing any much back there especially anything that needs strength or precision. Today's Thursday and is better than earlier this week. Monday dance I made a point of trying to extend my arms out and back from the shoulder sockets and explore flexibility in dance context. My shit is still sore but a little bit better. It keeps swinging between fuck this hurts and well that almost doesn't hurt.
*Sigh* tired o all the PT I've been doing. Looking forward to seeing the chiropractor tomorrow, as he usually manages to release a ton of musculoskeletal tension for me and usually the pain is significant ly better for awhile. Pain sucks and I've been cracking my neck a couple of times per day. Shoulder has been hitching up and forward and it just throws me back into the cycle of pain.

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Physical Therapy for the hand... New discovery

Sun, 11 Jun 2017 11:55:07 GMT

Having this broken hand , has been a whole exercise in how to put up with doing things imperfectly. (she says as she edits the post)

Dictation at the moment, speech-to-text, it's one of the accommodations I started using pretty early on in the healing process after breaking the base of my pinky and top off of my radius my right hand , on New Year's Eve. Doing things imperfectly doesn't come easy to me. More prone to refusing to try to do something. I'm more likely to give up easy after trying to do something if it doesn't come easy. One positive thing for me about the ADHD: learning that that's a trait! it's a thing about the way that this kind of brain works.

But actually I was swimming (wtf? not even close to what I said) to post about this today because had a lovely visit with Allison and Fritz , including a delicious dinner, a seriously delicious dinner. But something about walking into their house today for some reason gave me an insight into something new that I needed to do for my hand? I suddenly flashed on there was a new place to try to massage and stretch that I hadn't tried before.

Maybe this has to do somehow with Alison being a massage therapist but anyway I found some incredibly painful and Incredibly needed places in between my fingers to massage right at the point where the fingers' flesh joins each other to become the hand and had a breakthrough! (sudden breakup/breakdown of incredibly tight fascia according to Alison.)

I woke up a little while ago or half woke up cuz it's quarter to 5 in the morning right now, full moon is still out and shining through the bedroom window, I woke myself up massaging my hand again and doing Hand Therapy again. It feels different now, than it did yesterday because of the work I was figuring out how to do today and then Allison worked on my hand a little bit too which also helped and she had a heating kind of massage oil which seems to be very effective so high hopes for the flexibility in the healing of my hand and arm to maybe we've turned up what do they call it maybe I've turned a corner? I think that's the right turn of phrase so I just wanted to get up, empty my brain for a minute, and I'm going to have to edit this later because speech to text never works perfectly.

Hopefully I'll be able to go get some more sleep now. And forgive all the weird word choices from this very very stream of consciousness post. And wish me well with my hand? Suddenly feeling much less angra vated (wtf speech to text that's not even a word?) AGGRAVATED with it and the long long time it has been taking to heal.

thanks for listening.

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