Be the change you want to see.

update on the cyst on my sternum (medical tmi)

2020-09-26T20:24:19Z

so it's two weeks tomorrow that the dratted thing softened and ruptured and started oozing.

i started "managing" it by squeezing and massaging the ooze out of it.
the ooze is called keratin, it fills most epethelial cysts with some sebum or skin oil.

uhhh after four days of massaging and hot compresses and bandaids i researched these cysts and one of the things all the websites agreed on was NO TOUCHY but OOPS TOO LaTE and it was feeling tender and i couldnt tell if it was sore from me poking at it (and it hopefully trying to heal) or maybe from starting to feel infected? so i made sure to clean it thoroughly again and bandage it with neosporin...

then last weekend i was reminded about hydrocolloid bandages, and using them was fascinating. as it draws material out, it makes the surface of the bandage look like soft contained pus. Like ready to squeeze. only you CANNOT squeeze because it's a bandage.

seriously given my long storied history on poking picking and peeling, these hydrocolloid bandaids are a gift from the gods. i can massage over them but cannot actually poke the healing wound directly. i get the fun!pain but not the infection risk!

score!

and then like just night before last i finally really read the box for the hydrocolloid bandages, along with recommended use instructions. i had been peeling them off at the 24 hour mark, but it turns out you don't have to. they say since they're waterproof and seal in place that you can leave them on for literally DAYS. they say you can leave them off till they basically FALL OFF when their job is done. "product is designed to fall off on its own" it even says!

I actually was able to go in the hot tub yesterday with this waterproof bandage, and it felt really good.

so it's been on for ~48 hours now, and the cyst isn't aching anymore when I shift from vertical to horizontal and vice versa. That's a nice improvement. Been massaging the hard edges of the cyst, partly because fun!pain and partly because massage has been easing the pain.

I have great faith in massage. it's changed my life. sure it won't fix EVERYTHING but it's helped me so much over the years. and I've also previously resolved a crazy painful cyst on my inner labia by way of a massage technique, the same technique I describe in my previous cyst related post.

so i have this bandage, and a hard ring of tissue that's the margins of this cyst. It makes sense to me that cysts return after surgery... if you miss even a little bit of the keratin (which is the hard protein stuff in fingernails and claws and horns) of course the body would encyst it again. Plus the trauma to the skin and flesh that is having surgery... one of the risk factors for making cysts get bigger was trauma, soooooo.

so i'm feeling better, less pain in the thing, less itching and annoyance, and i'm curious about how it will resolve.

gonna hydrate thoroughly this morning (afternoon? whatever), maybe get a warm compress on it again, and have a relatively mellow rest of my afternoon.

i have a book club book to read for four, let's see if I can finish it. ;)

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Not what I usually use this icon for...

2020-09-16T20:37:42Z

This post is going to get into some what may qualify as medical squick, because there's a cyst on my sternum, between my breasts. I've had the thing slowly getting larger for something like 35 years, and it's just suddenly /decided/ to open up and release.
Like just this weekend.

Been years since I used the lj-cut technique so I reaserched. Now people can opt in to (or out of) reading medical goop and my thinking/ experiencing.
( medical tmi for the strong, also long post is LONG. )

Witchily speaking (and I can only do otherwise with great effort), it's SUPER INTERESTING to me that this ancient wound/defect/holding on to old stuff is releasing so dramatically in the half week before the Dark Moon, 🌒🌑🌘. This is the phase of releasing and letting go of what we don't need and what no longer serves us, and there's a lot of emotional business cropping up lately which is clearly old scripts and tapes playing.

Time to chuck ALL THAT SHIT. 💩🗑️😂

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quick tmi observation

2020-06-22T18:59:37Z

as i observed to my trainer today on zoom:

really good sex?
is like REALLY good physical therapy.

my leg is stronger, my balance on that side much easier. it feels like some part of my leg that's always tightly wound has... unspooled a bit. relaxed.

like it rarely relaxes but it has now.

Even beyond my shit not hurting today, that was really good sex.

we're still working on our communication around it, but this is the most hopeful i've been about our sex life in years.

we're doing couples therapy, and it seems to really be working because we both have buy-in.

the sexiest thing?
he SHAVED for me. like it was a real date and all.

happy anniversary, love. sixteen more years please!

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