labelleizzy: (bunny writer)
I have a sadface, on the one hand. OTOH, it was an epic last workout, not an "evaluation" session like I halfway expected.

Tal is awesome, I'm going to miss working out with her. She is great at giving me the little corrections that make my workouts better: like, check your stance, your feet aren't even. Step backwards one step so the cable crosses your body and not your neck. (oy.) Did you see how your body dipped there? Tighten your core muscles. Liz, you can only talk if you are still working out. (grinning, I do talk to her a lot) Make sure your back is flat. (she used to use an image of "there are ants trying to walk under your back, squish the ants, don't let them through!)

What a great year-and-four-months this has been. Such focus, many muscles, wow. (heh heh heh)

I'm so much stronger than I was. I'm much more confident in my body than I was. I wake up with SO MUCH LESS PAIN than I did once upon a time. Some of that is thanks to the knee surgery that replaced my ACL at the end of 2011, but much of it is due to her guidance and encouragement.

She remembered to return a book I lent her, Strong Women Stay Young, and she wrote me a little thank you card. I'm pleased that I had a set of the little gifts I'd made for Burning Man with me, and could give her one. She said she hopes I keep in touch and reminded me that I have her phone number. I think I'll keep texting her. She is just neat and awesome.

What a beautiful day today is.

Oh, note to self: remember to start using the foam core roller on your thighs and IT band. You need it.
labelleizzy: (stoutness)
Got a brilliant deep tissue massage yesterday, meant to come home, eat, and then either go out to the gym or do yoga style stuff and light weightlifting at home. In the recent past, that's distributed the soreness from the massage and incorporated the virtue of the body work INTO my body.

what happened INSTEAD is, for whatever reason, I sat and read and did exercises in my motivation-discovery workbook. Which was productive, but my body stiffened up something good.

PRO: I found myself seeking intuitive movement throughout the evening, once I discovered my new stiffness. I found myself doing new things and old things - at one point I was in the kitchen, balanced on one foot and one hand with the other foot WAY up over my head, opening my hips and stretching and activating the gluteal muscles... cross-wise stretches... loose twisty movements with feet planted and arms flying loosely to wrap around me... bits of yoga on the carpet in the bedroom. So my body KNOWS how to sort this kind of thing.

CON: ...I'm still incredibly sore today. Feeling bruised. Nothing that will get in my way, but it's a thing to remember: make preparations to go directly to the gym, for 20 minutes if nothing else, and sweat that soreness out of the body. Ay yi yi.
labelleizzy: (strong)
Went to the gym yesterday on the way home from lunch with my friend Julia. Got to eat at Oliveto Restaurant in Rockridge aka the Oakland Hills, I love that joint.

Was driving past the gym on my way home after a side trip to Pendragon Books (OMG that place pulls cash straight out of my wallet and transforms it into a huge pile of books every time I cross the threshold!).

I do like my gym. That's good, if my intention is to spend time there two to three days a week.
Yesterday I started, not with bicycle time, but with some slow yoga. Result: spine and hips more flexible than they've been in ages, with less crunchy noises afterward, however knees (both knees) and my left achilles tendon are sore and tender the next day.

Verdict: Next time, try bicycling first, then yoga, then weights, and don't neglect a last little bit of steady cardio, either bicycling again or walking, as a kind of cooling-down or settling-down routine.

Note to self: remember to ice the left tendon and sole when you work out again, or anytime it's sore. And since this has persisted for some time, what with waking in the morning to limp into the bathroom from the bed, perhaps it's time to check in with a medical professional. Keep note of how often this pain happens during the next week, and how often you take Vitamin I for it.

Still want to try the formal yoga class and one of the Zumba fitness classes, largely because [ profile] apocalypticbob has expressed such joy in Zumba. I've never tried pilates, and want to, and it's offered. Still want to try some swimming for cardio, strength, and flexibility.

Surprised myself yesterday in the shower when I noticed a thigh muscle I haven't seen for years. That was a nice kind of surprise, but I actually exclaimed aloud and surprised Jeff. =) Hoping to have him come accompany me to the gym, perhaps as much as once a week.

And, I've trotted across the street ahead of the light, perhaps three times in the last week? No knee pain or strain. I think this strength training is paying off in multiple ways.
labelleizzy: (greatness)
Funny, huh, Elizabeth, how some folks think that avoiding challenges will bring them peace?

As if the peace they now know didn't come from earlier challenges that were faced, and mastered.

OK - not really that funny, The Universe

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ® © ®

P.S. The more challenges one faces today, Elizabeth, the more "Whoohooo's!" "Yeehaaa's!" and "Holy Batman's!" tomorrow.
labelleizzy: (Default)
Sometimes I think I want to be the 21 year old self I once was, to make decisions this 41 year old self thinks would be better ones.

But that's like expecting a year-old sapling to become a Louisville Slugger, or the roof beam of some ancient cathedral.

Age, meet Wisdom. FINALLY.

Posted via LjBeetle


Feb. 8th, 2011 11:05 am
labelleizzy: (Default)
Courage is a muscle that gets stronger the more you use it.

If I am brave, that is because I practiced bravery until it became habit.

Any of us can do it. Many, most of us have. Mostly we choose to be brave when the other choice seems intolerable : to stay in the infuriating job or the marriage that fails to feed us, to give up on the needs of our children, to knuckle under in the face of some illness or other burden that feels overwhelming.

Courage is a decision.
Patience is a decision.
Grace is a decision, and so is hope.

Some days I make my choice again and again and again. I try to choose courage, I try to choose hope, I try to choose faith in myself and humanity.

Some times I fail. Then the challenge is to get up again and make a new choice.

"I get up.
I walk.
I fall down.
Meanwhile, I keep dancing."

(Hillel, via Renee Locks)

Posted via LjBeetle
labelleizzy: (Default)
The Universe to me
show details 12:18 AM (11 hours ago)

When it comes to choosing who will be in your life, Elizabeth, I recommend valuing their "Yeeee-Haaaaaaa!" quality above all others.
Have it your way,
The Universe
labelleizzy: (crow in flight)
Two quick notes from this week.

Children don't love their teachers weaknesses or deficiencies. They see enough clay feet as it is.
Let them love your STRENGTH instead. Make sure that is what you bring to them, your best, your strong places.

The TEACHER can be, should be the textbook. (maybe this was obvious. but in Waldorf this is the norm, as it is not for public schools.) Not in best case scenario, SHOULD be the textbook. I brought a half-assed story to the kids today; Santa Cruz kids know more about whales than I do on my best day, and I should have realized this. What I did succeed in, was bringing the Imagination of what it would look like, feel like, to be in the water with a whale. I haven't done that, I brought it out of disparate experiences like seeing the blue whale model in the Museum of Natural History in NYC - that thing's chilling to me... and honestly? guided meditations I've done.

But I couldn't keep the story in my mind/heart/spirit and manage the classroom behavior. Scott was the heavy, bless him for that. I was all enmeshed in the story I wanted to tell, he had to speak strongly to them about keeping attentive and not interrupting/disrupting a teacher, and he sent one child out of the room. He groks them, I don't.

I'd almost be sorry I'm so attached to them... but I only have two days left, and I intend to do as well as I can with them. Give my best, bring what I have, love my time there. They're good kids, they're just... TEN.

You know?
labelleizzy: (Default)
as seen on [ profile] apocalypticbob's Livejournal.

15 years ago I was 25. That was the "existential birthday" because after 25, I hadn't imagined at all what my life would be like. I had detailed expectations for every year up till 25, then 26? No clue what I should be doing with myself. Interesting, I haven't thought of that in a long time.

At 25, 15 years ago, I was back living at home with my mom. My dad had just died, about 6 months earlier. We were living in a house we rented, very near to the school that she worked at (also my old junior high). Our house had a little cement and stones waterfall-pond in the backyard, and mom spent hours dredging out that pond, shortly after we moved in. We wanted to put some goldfish in it. We discovered, once it started raining, why it needed mud dredged out of it: the rest of the yard was on a slight upslope, and the dirt from the lawn and garden flowed down hill when the waterlogged dirt... yeah. =) I loved that yard: spending time watching the fish, practicing kata on the back porch. I had just started the librarian job in the Grant district, was doing taekwondo at the community college, and feeling physically strong for the first time in my life. Emotionally, not so strong, though.

Advice for the Me of Fifteen Years Ago: (Granted if I had taken it I wouldn't be where I am today:)

* Gods, DITCH Francis already. He's not emotionally available, he's sarcastic and unsupportive, his parents are clutterholics, and so is he. He wants to keep everything the same. This is not a relationship that will help you to grow.

* Keep up with the Taekwondo. But: find a mentor who you feel comfortable going to for help in breaking down complicated moves, find someone who you can ask stupid questions of, regularly (and get used to asking uncomfortable, stupid questions). Practice jumping kicks at home, and ask for specific drills involving falling and getting over the fear of falling. And if this Do-jang doesn't do that, find another class to take, because it was the fear of asking for help/looking foolish and the fear of falling and hurting yourself that caused the knee-sprain. Twice.

* When you realize after about a year that you are still PISSED at dad for dying and everything else, give a call to that 800 number for employee mental health, and find someone to talk to about this, keep calling till you find someone. It's not natural nor good for you to be angry for six years and to be unable to remember any of the good things about your father. Also, that headspace puts you as a good match for another emotionally unavailable, sarcastic first husband. =( Talking to people is a Good Thing, and asking for help, well, you won't get help unless you do, and you won't know if you'll get help UNTIL you do ask, so talk to people.

* In that same vein, say yes more often to social events with people you like and who like you. It's good for you and builds your self-esteem and the friendships with those people as well. (The number of social events I flaked on, to have a date with a boy who didn't really make me happy...!)

* Make more stuff. Actually USE your craft supplies, you'll be sorry you didn't. Make gifts for friends and family, even if you "don't think it's good enough". The pillow that Scotty saved the dog's hair to stuff? Make that first. =(

* Do more professional development in the librarian gig, and find more ways to interact with the kids. Follow up on the mobile mini-library idea for classroom projects. Pick the brains of the English and history teachers more. Go do social stuff with Sandy and Cathy and ask Regina and Sharon out to tea. Knowing smart, experienced, older ladies is Good. Also, look into academic counseling at Sac State, you won't finish the teaching credential your first time through, but they'll understand, what with dad dying. They might be able to help you stay on track or find support services, bereavement counseling, stuff like that.

* Call your brother more. Find out more about his life, his girlfriend Sarah, have him tell you more tacky fraternity stories and explain why his fraternity was so important to him. Ask him about the trip to Hawaii, and about coaching his baseball team. Find a way to get down there and go out to dinner with him and Sarah.

* Call your sister more. Even awkward conversation is better than no conversation. Get to know Matt, and you and Jen can learn ways to support each other, and to support mom (and Scott) as well, through the grieving period. (I don't have any memories of spending time with my sister during the first year after dad died. I may be misremembering but yeah.)

* Try casual dating, and dates-with-friends. Also, dates-with-self. Strengthen the muscles of independence and self-sufficiency.

* I'd say "purge the clutter" or "get rid of the crap" but I know the crap is a security blanket that isn't going anywhere till you feel better about yourself. In addition to working on your social skills and other crafty things, try going to Al-anon, and hell, learn more about being an Adult Child of Alcoholics. Fran gave you that book because she recognized where you were, even if you didn't. Believe her. Try a meeting.

* Learn to give yourself manicures and pedicures. Seriously, you ARE worth the effort to learn to do such small things that make you happy, make you feel pretty.

* Hug your mom more. Take her along when you go out to walk the dog. Talk to her more, ask for stories of your dad from college and when they were early dating.

* Take your mom out on social events as often as she will let you. She was very very lonely for a very long time, even married to your dad and with you kids and the social life she did have... and she was primary caretaker of your dad during his final illness, even if you helped. She deserves some good times with loving, friendly people, and she won't meet them on her own for over 10 years. Help her out, it'll help you out as well.

* Enjoy the pagan community you're on the verge of joining. Talk with those folks more often, they'll be good for you. Read the books they recommend, seriously, READ them. All the way through. And read some more original sources, too, and as much other mythology as you can lay your hands on. This will be more fun and more useful than getting lost in crappy romance novels. They're good people. If you have to be shy, be shy, but ask them about themselves, learn more about who they are, how they problem solve, and the obstacles they've had in their own lives. This will help you problems-solve, and overcome your own obstacles, and again, give you confidence in your friendship-building skills, coincidentally more friends as well. =)

* Just so you know, you are sexy, and there are often people who think you are cute and want to see more of you. Don't grip so hard onto a relationship because you are worried no more are going to come around. There is enough, you have enough, you are enough. Feed yourself before you feed EVERYBODY else around you. You know about being alone, it hurts but it's not the worst pain ever.

* BTW, the worst pain ever? It's yet to come. You will handle it, and you will learn what you're made of, and it will open your eyes to who and what you are, where you are, and what your path is. It's a kind of birth. Remember that, and treat it as such.

* Be honorable, and be honest. Live by those two rules as much as you can, and treat yourself with kindness and respect.

... If you like, write a letter to the Yourself of Fifteen Years Ago, (assuming you're old enough to have figured out some life-lessons to share with that Yourself), and share with me.


Jul. 27th, 2009 05:04 pm
labelleizzy: (Default)
[ profile] kineticphoenix gave me words.

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labelleizzy: (Default)
The Universe
to me

You're freakin' me out, Elizabeth. I can't remember when you last looked so radiant. When your inner beauty shone so bright. When your step was so light and your smile so heavenly. And it's Monday! What's gotten into you?!

Does this have anything to do with recalling your divinity? Have you realized that time truly is on your side, and that more than enough of it remains for us to do your greatest work? Is it that you now see how much you already have, how many you've already helped, and how much you've already done?

Ahhhh! Your eyes just did that sparkly thing! Moonbeams just shot from your fingertips! The aroma, all around you, is like lavender! And your angels are locked wing to wing singing, "Weeeeeeeeee are the champions..."

...Okay, okay. So I'm pulling your leg a little bit. Truth be told, I can't remember when you didn't look like this.

All together now...
The Universe

OK, my Favorite part of this one, is the Angels singing Queen... but yeah. Radiant? *blushes* Happy, yes. Definitely. Feeling really strong and loving and, okay, maybe a LITTLE bit glowy... Heh.
labelleizzy: (Default)
The Universe
to me

Dreams are like that, Elizabeth... Most of the time you don't even know how close you are, until after they've come true.

Sometimes, even, the very day before they come true, it still feels like they're a million miles away.

Something to remember.

The Universe
labelleizzy: (Default)
Notes from The Universe

Here's the thing, Elizabeth. Admission into time and space requires a belief in limits: a belief that both time and space are real; that you can therefore have and have-not; that love can be lost or found; and that you are what your physical senses show you and no more.

These illusions immediately lead you to believe that you are incomplete. Yet, far from indicating you are flawed, they reveal your brilliance by filling you with desire, igniting your emotions, fueling your passions, and catapulting you out into the world where journeys are begun, connections are made, and dreams come true... only to be replaced by new dreams as your divine sense of incompleteness persists.

This is by design, Elizabeth. Feeling incomplete does not make you so. It's how legends are born, giants are made, and history is written. It's why you're here. To ever so briefly escape your true identity as you live with an unquenchable thirst that will lead into adventures of grandeur, discovery, and a realization that love is all there is.

Your trusty accomplice,
The Universe
labelleizzy: (Default)
TUT... A Note from the Universe

From: The Universe
to: me

Next time you make a wish, Elizabeth, wish for what is, because really and truly, things don't get much better than this.

There is a purpose, a plan, and a reason for all things. What doesn't make sense, will make sense. You are exactly where you should be; your challenges are what they should be; your rewards are what they should be; and the best is yet to come. Time has served you well. Love is in the air. And you're looking mighty good in the light that now surrounds you.

A toast to life... to you... to us...
The Universe
labelleizzy: (balance)
From my lecture notes, Nov. 14 "The Teacher as Artist"

"The goal of Waldorf Education is not primarily to teach a child how to make a living.

The child should be empowered to develop their whole BEING: to develop their capacities so they can go forward in their life to meet their future and succeed with creativity, courage, warm-hearted clear thinking, healthy forward-thinking, focused strong wills."


"Waldorf teachers have a simultaneous challenge to develop heart and spirit as well as mind at a comparable pace as conventional education techniques."
labelleizzy: (planets to save!)
Hi LJ!

Been offline for two days. It's been surprisingly good; rewarding and productive. My house looks better than it has since we moved in, I cleared almost all the surfaces (including the floors, I could actually sweep in here and probably will in honor of Samhain before I leave for class tonight...) I threw a bunch of stuff away, recycled a bunch of stuff, and took at least 40 pounds to goodwill (my mom's trivet collection was HEAVY... *g*)

Saw the podiatrist yesterday for the pain I've been feeling in my right foot. It's been on the top of my foot and making me limp a bit, enough that I was worried about doing my back an injury or insult again. (it's happened before when I have been gimpy!) We looked at my x-rays and nothing was broken. *whew* and wow, what they can do with x-rays now! they were sent directly to his computer, like 15 minutes after they were taken, and he could tweak the resolution to clear up the picture in case the tech only took a mediocre picture... measure my bones in their real sizes, right there on the screen, it was pretty wow.

he manipulated my Rt. foot a bit before we looked at the x-rays, and a bit more afterward... he also checked out my calf and shin for a bit, and then he explained what he could see on the x-rays.

The places I was feeling more pain were metatarsals 2 and 3, though all 4 of the smaller metatarsals were sore! (as I discovered once he was pressing firmly on each one and I was yelping! And this is true on BOTH FEET!) On the x-rays he measured and showed me how 2 and 3 (the bones just next to the big-toe bone) were measurably thicker in the dense, structural bone, than 4 and 5.

Then he explained why that is: my calves (and I assume by extension, my hamstrings) are SO TIGHT that they are putting stress on the arch-bones of my foot! (No shit, there I was!) Mind-blowing...! He also explained that the reason I love my Chakos (and by extension the mules from Keen) is the slight heel (on top of the arch support); calf muscles like that make the body want to walk on its toes all the time (hum, that explains why I sit with my heels up on the chairlegs all the time when I'm on the computer!) The stress from the muscle constantly pulling works to strengthen the bones, but taken too far, you can get stress fractures... and DO. NOT. WANT.

The PT for this crazy tension, is to do those calf-lengthening stretches, hanging your heels off the kerb, sort of thing, but this morning I've been exploring my body's flexibility and it feels like, well, EVERYTHING is tight - hams, obliques, quads, the IT band, adductors, abductors, and the little trapezoid-shape over my lower back... (let's not even BRING my shoulders and neck into it right now...) Had a lovely massage from a new guy at Massage Envy Wed night, but you couldn't prove it by me today. (Ow.)

So yesterday after coming back from my appt, I did some more housework and organization, put some Rush on (Snakes and Arrows, for those who know) and was trying to dance and move around the place. Yeah, all kinds of muscular tension, ALL OVER.

I've been saying for a long time that I wanted to get fit, get strong, inhabit my body more, but now I have literally SEEN what it does. WOW. Sitting on my ass for too long is double-PLUS-ungood!

You'll see me moving a lot more in the upcoming years, and for the rest of my life. Thank goodness I'm in the Waldorf program, it's really about learning BALANCE between the realms of your life - artistic, physical/kinesthetic, mind, spirit, social...

My habits are changing. Which means folk won't find me here QUITE as often, but _I_ will DEFINITELY be healthier for it.

And now I think I will get dressed and go for a walk to the grocery store.


labelleizzy: (Default)

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