labelleizzy: (networking)
Hi there.

This is where you should comment if you know me IRL or perhaps have met me via a community here on LJ.
I'm not averse to having new Friends, and you are welcome to add my journal. Usually I will read some of your journal first before deciding whether to add your journal to my filters.

A few posts are public so people can see if they like my writing.

(June 11, 2007)
(Edit October 10, 2009)
labelleizzy: (Default)
I am sorry that it took me this long to recognize how patient you were with me, and how hard you tried to trust me and to let me be a part of your lives. I'm sorry that it didn't work out for us to continue being friends. Despite the pain we ended up causing each other, there was some good stuff there that I miss. But we really had so many communication problems that I really think it was for the best to end things and cut contact.

I don't want to see you or talk to either of you anymore, because we both broke each other's trust in the process of progressive miscommunication. And I don't spend more time than I have to anymore with people who I can't trust not to hurt me.

I wish you as well with your lives as is possible under the circumstances, and may you not break trust again as you broke mine; may I never break another's trust again as I broke yours.
labelleizzy: (Default)
Week long trip to Kaua'i is drawing to an end.
Lord, I have a lot of things that I want to learn about Hawaiian history, botany, culture, politics!

I can make a long post once I'm home.
And hopefully figure out how to post photos into Dreamwidth.
labelleizzy: (dealing with demons)
today my friend Jade_Falcon let me know that our mutual friend was thinking about killing herself

he said i don't know what to do
I thought i don't know what the fuck to do either
he said I'm twisting her arm to talk to you
I was scared to do it but more scared not to.

she did talk to me
I talked kind of a lot
told her about my own crisis and my own pain
reflected what I understood about hers
and told her I love her
several times.

the most fucked up part is that she's so broke that a giant part of her motivation to off herself was so her kids would go into foster care and out of the essentially slave-labor living situation she's in right now, and that maybe they would have a chance to be happy.

I'm not broke and in a bit of poetic justice, the person who she's living with (and working, unpaid, for) owed me money and actually, shocker, PAID it. I set it aside as a "get out of hell fund" for her, and that made the difference.

so now she's got enough distance from the situation, to see that her newly-ex, ex, really has been a gold plated turd. He just messaged all their mutual friends to tell them she was like psychotic and making things up. Like within a couple of hours of breaking up with her, this is what he does.

I'm feeling a bit wrung out right now, and I'll be off the internet for a couple hours, but I'm really proud of myself and of HER. the pile of shit she's digging out from under is really unbelievable and I'm not surprised she thought she was drowning.

I hope that our life preserver will hold long enough that she either finds a good boat or some dry land.
labelleizzy: (Default)
Hi folks,

Remember to change your passwords occasionally.

it just occurred to me HOW LONG I'd kept the password the same here and in other social media sites.


time to change all the things and make everything just that one little bit more secure.


Dec. 28th, 2015 11:53 am
labelleizzy: (write first edit later)
hi everyone.
I have been feeling some guilt over not visiting LJ properly in weeks and I have found that the best way to manage feeling guilty is to do so head on.
Busy making pottery and holidaying, being social. Need to spend a little while getting caught up on what y'all have been up to.

Completely bailed on [ profile] therealljidol. Not gonna lie. Too much otherstuff going on in meatspace.

y'all are loved and I wish you all the winter holiday blessings and all the good stuff in the new year.

Be well, I'll be back in a bit.

labelleizzy: (inherent worth and dignity)
I havent written here in weeks. it was Burning Man prep, then i was gone for Burning Man, now this week has been Burning Man recovery. big fuckin deal, I guess, and yeah, it kinda was.

Met a ton of good people,

discovered I'd conquered last year's terrors, was productive and helpful, did my volunteer shifts, and so many bonuses.

During my shift at the Temple, I met the temple's designer. That was super cool, and he gave me a token to remember the Temple, it's truly lovely.
So was the Temple, though I had a rough time connecting with it at first.
(Temple Photos go here)

Tried to mostly take photos of people, missed a number of important people, though. Didn't photo too much of art cars or even the Man, my memories are quite vivid... there was a carnival theme this year, and there was a maze set up around the Man, with a small shrine in the middle. That much was very different from last year.

This year was full of dust and sandstorms, whiteouts where you can't see in front of you past the length of your arm.
(we hid from one whiteout in the Ali Bar Bar tent.)
I trusted my goggles and my dust mask, I knew what to do, and I survived just fine. It was cold as fuck at least three nights out there, and we hadn't brought enough bedding, but our friends lent us their extra blankets and we got by fine. We ate delicious food thanks to Jeff, and our tent was very comfortable. (also thanks to Jeff.)

Discovered what it's like to have my own things I want to do on Playa, and Jeff and I intentionally separated more than once to go have explorations and adventures.

I have this strange conviction that it didn't matter what I looked like, how I was dressed, how fat I am, how old I was compared to the Young And Cute. People were warm and welcoming and lovely, pretty much across the board. Kind words and gestures that are still soaking into me days later.

Last night was a "Dust-off" party thanks to someone in the extended Burner community. Met a few more new people, had some good conversation, watched some friends dance with fire and glow-poi and hoops, and I think I needed that.

To remember that was real, that community, that affection, that honesty and commitment to being better in the world.

The commitment to burn brighter.

I have more writing to do, I've been inhaling stories like a vacuum cleaner, it's time to start putting my own words out there again. It's easier to write when I'm alone in the house. Jeff and Our Jenn are out at the Farmers Market. I'm going now to get my coffee and finish something I started yesterday, and I hope to write more later today.
labelleizzy: (moon)
I had plans for doing a ritual for the full moon this month, especially as it coincided with Lammas/Lughnasaad, but the timing didnt work out to do so with a friend, and I did not feel like doing so alone this time.

Instead my friend and i were Makers.
We made a prototype for a costume piece that we both liked.

It was its own kind of celebration, really. And quite appropriate for both a Full Moon and Lammas... We Manifested a dream, took on a challenge, saw it through, together. She is a joy to work with, eager and interested and fine with me being the boss. She's impressed with my relatively basic sewing skills, which is both sweet and gratifying. (I cook like I sew, not fancy but gets the job done.)

Actually Getting Stuff DONE was so gratifying, felt like a harbinger of other good things for the future.
labelleizzy: (Dionysos)

Looking for lj friends? Thinking that your flist has become a ghost town? Missing the heyday of lj?


Come to [ profile] kickthehobbit's journal and join the fun!
labelleizzy: (bunny writer)
I woke up this morning to sweet cuddles and caresses from a warm sleepy husband. Nothing more than cuddles this time, as he read his newspaper with one hand and ran the other absent mindedly over my head. I felt like a cat in a lap, warm and contented and loved. When he rose to wash up, I worked on my morning stretches. It feels so good to move the body, the First Home, to have it respond so sweetly to my requests. Bodies are wonderful, they soak up the sunlight and warmth, they feel the touch of loved ones, they can work, kiss, write, interpret for the brain. Bodies are the filters through which we experience pleasure, all the pleasures. Sex and food and running and tickling, laughter and back scratches and massage, intoxication of love or of good wine. I am in good health, able to accomplish what I set out to do of a day without more than slight pains or discomfort. Doing pretty well for a middle-aged woman whose favorite activities are writing, gardening, and cooking.
I am thankful for my body.

When I finished my stretches and my morning meditation, my husband had begun preparing breakfast. I always boil a pot of black tea for myself, as he doesn’t care for it. We had crepes with ham and cheese and apple, and a dash of maple syrup. Then he got on the computer to book hotel reservations and make other arrangements for our upcoming trip, and then we worked together on preparing the Thanksgiving duck. Last night he was working for hours, between research on a project for our house, fine tuning a home improvement project (this required a skill saw that lets him cut a tidy hole in the wall for a new electrical outlet). Before that, he had been supervising the final stages of some work being done in our yard.
I am thankful for my husband.

My life is very abundant. The loving husband and friends and chosen family and biological family are all blessings to me. Though I have never carried to term, I am a beloved auntie and sister-mom to many children, I have worked in schools with many children, I have loved many children. I am surrounded by friends who seek my company. I am surrounded by people who speak and write to me with supportive and kind words, who encourage my artistic endeavors, who inspire me with how they work and play and strive to build a better world.
I am thankful for my community, and the connections within it.

My home is colorful and comfortable. We have quilts on the beds, clothes in the closets, warm curtains against the chill. We have an outdoor space that is green and lovely, with water and earth and space to grow food. We have a kitchen and a living room with space to entertain comfortably, and food enough in the pantry and refrigerator to feed people we like and love. Our soft and lazy felines nap in the sunshine, on our laps, atop stereo speakers and under the kitchen table. They love us, rub against us, talk to us, chide us when the food is late or the box unscooped, and their antics continue to make us laugh down the years.
I am thankful for our lovely house, and for our sweet cats.

Recently I have been writing very prolifically. The ideas and images have been flowing easily to my pen and my screen, and releasing them and arranging them has been giving me great joy. For many years now, I seek the printed word for comfort, whether reading them or writing them. I feel like I am hitting “the zone”, as runners do, as other artists do. The words are friendly and flirty and I handle them comfortably, even when they zip and zing and burn, even when they are as cold and mean as dry ice.
I am so very thankful for the words and for my muse, and for the privilege of crafting with words.
labelleizzy: (bunny writer)
My knee and inner thigh by the back of the leg felt super tender yesterday, which means that the Two Day Rule of workouts was in operation... If it hurts/is sore the day after, yeah, good workout. If it's sore TWO days after, you got into the deep part of the muscle, and this is where the structural rebuilding happens, or so I understand it.

So I took today off with Tal. I wanted to test this new range of motion and see whether the pain I've been feeling the last few weeks might have been sorted out for good.

It's um weird not to hurt? It's also still weird that I can look down and my feet are parallel. It's a bit weird to feel strong and capable... But I freaking LOVE IT.

All of it.

Biked into downtown today for Thursday night live, they close part of the main drag and clubs, restaurants, city departments, entertainers, and even a politician had kiosks set up. Met up with WrenB and her kids for a little bit, which was fun. Missed seeing Mr. WrenB, though, which made me sad.

Found a kiosk for tiny theater in town I didn't know about. Gonna try to check em out. Also a production of Pirates of Penzance is upcoming at the larger community theater, which SCORE!

Biking is still a bit of a workout. Gonna need to take more frequent rides to train up for transportation around the playa next month.

Breaking in the shiny SHINY gold Docs I bought for playa wear is good fun. Apparently my givafuck is broken now, I don't care what anyone thinks if I love them. \o/

OK, time for bed. Tempted to add a tmi post but it's really late and I need to try to sleep.

Posted via

labelleizzy: (strong)
Had just over half a workout yesterday. Traffic conditions conspired against me getting to the gym on time.

Tal still hella kicked my ass though, ow, my quads... Ow the tails of my pectorals.

Lots of assisted squats and rowing using the straps and handles that hang down from the frame.
One exercise she had me do after some inverted rowing was where you hang in the full arm extension position, body is straight, heels on the ground. Body's hanging at about 45° to the floor. Normally from here you row up. This time she had me walk one foot about 8" back so my knee was bent, engage that leg for support, and the "row" was to open your arms like wings. Like doing flies with weights, but the effort to raise your body is in the pulling your arms straight back at shoulders height. Wow that was interesting!

Squats included squat coming up to toes, and squat coming up to hop up, land smoothly and into another squat. That was interesting too! Rough to do the first few times til Tal pointed out where I was having difficulty. I think I can do those again, without a problem.

And then yesterday I spent time with Nicole talking costumes for Burning Man, and mid afternoon I pinged M and N to see if they'd like company for dinner. It worked out well for me. I got fun friendly company for dinner, and got to leave the house free for Jeff to have some quality time. :)

One neat thing I noticed during the dinner engagement, was after this frustrating parking lot thing (had to go back and forth to my car multiple times when the pay station turned its nose up to my credit card)... The neat thing was casually jogging back to my car. Because I could. And didn't care who was watching. Probably helps that I was still wearing my gym shoes and shorts and (ahem) an appropriately supportive undergarment... But I did it. Just for fun, and maybe to show off a little. :)

I was thinking on the way home that it'd be interesting to challenge myself on the treadmill at the gym... See if I could run, say, for three minutes straight. And how many intervals like that could I do? Three running, one walking. Could I do that? Seems fun to try!

So there WAS one not-cool thing about dinner last night but that has to do only with the food.
The food was delicious, don't get me wrong. However I failed in my choices as a newly minted diabetic. One rainbow roll, one deep fried oyster (thanks for sharing, N!), one spicy hamachi hand roll, two unagi nigiri, a bit of iceberg lettuce in that slightly sweet peanut sauce salad dressing, and green tea.
So the massive amounts of sushi rice included in that tally sent my blood sugar levels thru the roof, sort of. Two hours after eating my score was 241. That's TWICE my post-meal average.

Dammit. I do love sushi rice but it certainly doesn't love me. Pfui.
Time for New Choice when I go for sushi.

Last thing, to end on a high note: the final cool thing about my day was getting trapped, or rather "trapped" in the parking lot, because I found the situation delightful!

A batería, a Brazilian drum corps, was playing at the far end of the lot, past my car. And then M, N, and I notice there's samba dancers, dressed in feathers and fringe and heels, starting to get organized behind the batería. They wind up playing and marching slowly/dancing, circling the lot, for like fifteen minutes. I loved it.

I posted a couple of crappy photos on FB, and one old friend says, "you didn't join them? Why not?" Argh stupid Engraved Invitation Syndrome. Eh. But it looked like enough fun that I'm going to look up the dance group (Samba Conmigo) and see if they do lessons.

So yesterday was A Good Day.

Posted via

labelleizzy: (networking)
[ profile] ghost_light is having an Anniversary of her LJ, friending friendzy over at her journal, OVER HERE, so if you are looking for people to interact with here on LJ, you could probably find some new interesting folks.

(I saw [ profile] tatjna and Frank over there, who I'd met on someone else's friending Friendzy, so there's still a few die-hards over here who are interested in sticking around.)
labelleizzy: (changing habit)
my friend Angela is hosting a FRIENDING FRENZY in honor of her Tenth LJversary!

Congratulations Angela!
Peeps, go check her out, she's like totally awesome and rad and stuff and she has adorable kitties and takes some pretty kickass photos.

labelleizzy: (changing habit)
Drove "up to the snow" (which is what we call it around here where the flat sea level plains get snow so rarely that it makes the news when we do) to meet my husband Jeff this weekend. Wow.

Squaw Valley is really a beautiful part of the world. And the Resort at Squaw Creek is well-architected for visual interest, buildings and grounds alike. Really nice. Really REALLY nice. (Enjoy poking around the website and checking out all the pretty slideshows.)
Also a really high altitude (~7000'?), which means that breathing can be surprisingly difficult at times, for those of us raised at sea level, and physical exertion is... exertion!

So of course I decided to try cross country skiing. =)
My second time trying cross country, though. The first time was in the middle of the 1980's somewhere. Um.

and it was effortful!
(my triceps are very sore from where I kept catching myself from falling by gripping hard and spiking the poles into the snow. VERY sore.)
Need to work on core strength some more, leg and calf and ankle strength, and then I REALLY want to go up and do that AGAIN before the snow season ends. Because it was the GOOD kind of challenge: enough new kinds of movement, new fun environment, an INCREDIBLY supportive partner (who helped me get up from the snow both times I fell, and cheered me on to try a little bit more each time), and lots of happy memories buttressing this new attempt. I love the snow. We used to go once or twice a year when I was a kid, my great-aunt Ethel had a place in Tahoe (she was a former mayor of Lake Tahoe, and so was her husband Don) and their back picture window had a view up-slope of one of the Heavenly Valley ski-slopes. While we did a lot of sledding and stomping and breaking off icicles and snowball fights, I never got to ski till I went on a trip in ... high school? with my scout troop? I think.

Skiing is fun, and now that I've successfully braved this new skill once, and my knee didn't even complain, I'm willing to go back and work on it some more. And next time I will probably even try going to ski DOWNHILL. Though I admit to a slight frisson of fear around the idea, the excitement of learning how to make me go fast(ish) down a snowy hill, is even greater.

Thanks again to [ profile] cortneyofeden for the loan of ski-gear. The pants, jacket, and silk thermals were a HUGE contribution to my comfort and decreased my apprehension about my ability to cope with the elements. =D

I get by, with a little help, from my friends.
labelleizzy: (stoutness)
Rockclimbing today, for the first time, with [ profile] tshuma & [ profile] bk2w. Of course I wasn't very good. But it was fun, and I practiced trusting my belay partner and sitting down on the rope to come off the wall. Hands and forearms a little sore. Possibly worse tomorrow, well, that's what vitamin I is for, innit.

Thursday I did something smart, got a sports massage then went and had a workout. The therapist dug into my airline-cable neck muscle in the right ways, also did work on tiny spinal muscles, shoulder muscles, and at the base of my spine, work of a quality that I've never had at Massage Envy before. I think I better enjoy this fellow while he's there, he's bound to find a better berth soon. But massage-and-workout was a fucking AMAZING combination; I'm less crunchy in so many ways than I have been in months.

And... now I've tried the climbing thing, I think I want to try it more. And just realized I've been wanting something more concrete than "going back to dancing" to train toward... I think that rockclimbing may provide the additional challenge and stimulation I need to get myself out to the gym as often as I need to do for authentic improvement.
labelleizzy: (awesome)
Hey y'all!

[ profile] runeshower is hosting a friending Frenzy OVER HERE.

Go check her out and see if you can help make her journal more fun by adding your awesome into the mix!
labelleizzy: (poly)
I would dance you a love letter
...but my steps are no longer sure.

I would sing you a love letter but voice is hoarse with winter coughing...

and I could paint you a love letter
...once my skills are up to the task,

or I could play you a love letter, although
my fingers don't yet find the notes.

Instead, I shall tell you the truth.

For the truth is that you are beautiful
and kind
and worthy of love;

that the crocuses and snowdrops about to break the surface of the earth
are already seeking to love you;

that the sun is best pleased at the sight of you,

and the moon, sailing by, contemplates your visage with as much wonder as you contemplate hers.

Trees dig their roots in for you.
Daffodils blossom, and crows and foxes sing for you.
Even the dewdrops sparkle for you...

You are eminently lovable, and you are deeply loved.

labelleizzy: (Default)
Realizing today that I've a need to move some folks around, and am adding some people to filters about specific subjects dear to my heart; also I've friended some new people, people who might want to read some of my posts I'm not aware they're interested in reading.

After I adjust the filters, I'll do test posts. OK?

[Poll #1784744]

Thank you for your feedback!


labelleizzy: (Default)

September 2017

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