labelleizzy: (networking)
Hi there.

This is where you should comment if you know me IRL or perhaps have met me via a community here on LJ.
I'm not averse to having new Friends, and you are welcome to add my journal. Usually I will read some of your journal first before deciding whether to add your journal to my filters.

A few posts are public so people can see if they like my writing.

(June 11, 2007)
(Edit October 10, 2009)

ugh.

Dec. 28th, 2015 11:53 am
labelleizzy: (write first edit later)
hi everyone.
I have been feeling some guilt over not visiting LJ properly in weeks and I have found that the best way to manage feeling guilty is to do so head on.
Busy making pottery and holidaying, being social. Need to spend a little while getting caught up on what y'all have been up to.

Completely bailed on [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol. Not gonna lie. Too much otherstuff going on in meatspace.

y'all are loved and I wish you all the winter holiday blessings and all the good stuff in the new year.

Be well, I'll be back in a bit.

<3
labelleizzy: (bunny writer)



{Take the 100 Things challenge!}


This doesn't count (to me!) as one of the posts toward the 100 count.

This is, instead, me, trying to encourage other folks to make a commitment to blog something that matters to you. To think thoroughly, or experience thoroughly, something you want to know more about.
labelleizzy: (Default)
Funny how I can get sucked into an hour on Facebook and random page surfing and feel ill and confused, but an hour of hand-sewing leaves me peaceful, centered and focused.

Actually, it's not funny at all.
It feels to me as though there are forces in the world that draw us out of ourselves into confusion, that the goal of those forces is distraction and dismay and discouragement.

Feels as though these forces are trying to prevent us from accomplishing the wonder*full, important, world-changing tasks we are capable of accomplishing.


Someone I read recently was reflecting upon the results of introducing sugar and alcohol into the diet of the Inuit: addiction and obesity and other health issues resulted... along with the disintegration of the strong traditional society.

Sugar...
Alcohol...
Internet...

Don't get me wrong, I do my best to use my Internet Powers for good, and I know most of us do. I keep in contact with family and friends, both distant and near. I try to keep informed about political issues and problems close to my heart, and to use the internet to learn and grow.

But I do find there's thousands of ways to get distracted and lose focus.

(p.s. In the middle of writing this post, I got distracted, lost focus, wandered around other websites, and eventually left the computer, forgetting to finish this post and, well, POST it. One more data point for my hypothesis)

How many of us have to write down what we came to the computer to accomplish, because once we get online, it's "Oh, I'll just check email and facebook" and two hours later, dazed, go to turn off the screen, only to realize we totally spaced on the One Task we'd set out to finish?

*raises hand very high*

Right at this instance, I have two Chrome windows open, the first has 55 tabs open (I counted) and the second has sixteen. And I'm aggressively using ReadItLater to close tabs!

Why the holy FUCK do I need (or "need") SEVENTY-ONE windows open for websites?

*frustrated*

I think, among other motivations, I feel guilt about not-reading things which are Relevant to My Interests, or I want to respond to people, participate in conversations, try that writing assignment [livejournal.com profile] popfiend inspired, decide which events I will actually attend, find inspiration and support in changing my habits...

see?

is complicated.

There is just Too Much Crap out there.
I'm not "keeping up" with Facebook, OR Twitter, much less Google Plus.

Livejournal is where I come for substantial food-for-thought. It's where I come for a human experience.

Here is where people can think, discuss, collect.
Here is where posts *stay still* in their original place, so I can refer back to them easily, they don't get shuffled all around in my reading list.
Here I can bookmark, tag, save to Memories, useful or interesting posts, information, and art.

Honestly?

I hope LJ succeeds. Because for me, it's rather like a beacon on a dark and stormy ocean.
Livejournal (go ahead and laugh now) is a bastion of sanity in the craziness and you-should-buy-this-now, inadequate-creature-that-you-are culture of the Internets and the western, corporate commercialization of thought.

People here truly talk, think, reflect. People here share, comment, (hug), give good advice or smacks with the salmon-of-wisdom.

I'd pitch a lot of the internet out the window (defenestration practice anyone?) before giving up on this site.

Matter of fact, think I will for awhile.
labelleizzy: (this is it)
Recently the idea circulated round here on Livejournal to describe oneself in terms of absolute truth yet to paint what might be considered an untruthful picture of yourself as a whole.

In contemplating this idea I'm realizing that I can only think of descriptors of how I *used* to be but am no longer, or events or injuries, or choices I made, which can no longer describe the me I am now.

What am I now?

A teacher, a student, an artist. A dreamer, an idealist, a warrior for the truth. A happy homemaker. A woman with two lovers. A woman who is moving out of Mother phase but is not ready for Croning... I think Teacher and Warrior make good intermediate stages, don't you?

I am a crafter and a destroyer and a designer. I am a gardener and a keeper of the flame. I pray and I meditate and I struggle with forgiveness.

I am forgetful when I get immersed in technological storytelling. I get sucked in SO BAD by computer, TV, or phone that I try to take media-free vacation days where I don't touch any of them. This is hard though because the smartphone is soooo magnetic...

I have good intentions that I don't always follow through on. I miss my own deadlines. Yet I am still producing more and better quality projects with greater quotae of finished-ness than I have ever done before.

I get a lot done some days, and some days I do nothing at all. I'm okay with that. I quit shaming myself and beating myself up over not meeting my own or others' expectations, somewhere around five years ago. It didn't help, and it made me feel miserable.

I try to live for myself now. I try to DO a lot for others, but that's different than LIVING for others, the way I used to. I make my own goals and help my life to have rhythms that meet the goals without panicking or pushing myself, or at least not any more than a natural focus and attention to detail requires.

I love more easily. I don't tolerate drama much anymore. My ups and my downs both tend to be flatter than they once were (of course we used to be talking Himalayas and Marianis Trench, so that's actually a GOOD thing!)... and because I no longer need to wallow in my OMG SQUEE or OMG POOR ME, I do indeed Get More Stuff Done. More art, more fun things, more time with the cats and my sweeties. Soon, more time for my friends, and I can't wait!

simplification is very appealing. purging the unnecessary is very appealing, and I'm more ruthless than I ever have been. but, but I get overwhelmed by the leftovers of my former lives. Especially paper, especially in huge piles still packed up from the last move or the move before that one. so I don't deal with it for long periods of time. maybe I can trade with someone I trust: I'll go through that one box of paper for you if you will go through that box of paper for me. Save out the things that are actually useful and trash the rest.

I have tattoo plans that might surprise some people.

If I love you, live with you, and am happy and content, I will match and fold your socks in the laundry. If I'm pissed off, your socks will still be clean but you will have to turn them right side around and match them up for yourself. (I just turned a TON of socks right-side around today and matched them all up and made a pretty drawer-space for them. Today is a good day!)

Sometimes I'm a hypocrite in small ways. For instance, I will often forget to clean up after myself when working on a project, but if someone ELSE does that I get very angry. (shrug) Guess that's pretty human.

I'm working on (gently escorting) some bad habits (downstairs and out the door). Some I can't get rid of myself, so I plan to hire someone to help. Namely, a fitness/rehabilitation coach. Best advice on this: find someone my age or older who GETS what it means to rehab an injury or illness, and will listen when I say, this is my goal, how can I best and most safely achieve it?

I like to brain dump and don't always bother to come to a pretty conclusion. =)
labelleizzy: (Default)
Life is good.
I am grateful for all the blessings Providence has offered to me,
there is abundance in every corner of my life.
I am one of the luckiest people I know.

Thank you, Universe, for your part in this.
labelleizzy: (creating yourself)
*whew*

Guess I've been here a long time now.

Here's something I learned this weekend.

I grew up in Sacramento but have spent the last several years slagging it off and praising the Bay Area. Thing is, I don't have to slag off one place to love another place. And visiting family and friends this weekend has been good from the perspective of appreciating how much value-added Sacramento has in terms of old, vivid, meaningful memories. There are stories around every corner: there's where so and so used to live, I got my first tattoo there, Drat my favorite thrift store has gone out of business, there's my first apartment where I lived with Jeff for a little while, etc. Stories that go back so far that I remember distances in minutes-walked or bicycled because I was a kid and that's just how you got around.

Stories that shaped me.

In a similar vein, I found myself falling into old habits of snarkitude. I'm embarrassed to admit this. I took the easy shot, more than once in the last week or so, snarking or slagging people who are "easy targets", people who other people also make fun of, people who I used to make fun of myself. I don't need to do that either anymore. I don't like how I am when I do that. I want to be a person who speaks up when my cousin says something I object to, not wait till he's out of earshot and snark on him. I want to work on that level of courage. I want to have the courage of my convictions and the strength to hold them up.

Truth is more important than the easy laugh.
Integrity is more important than avoiding offense.

It's time to kick things up a notch. It's time to show up and take on more responsibility, take care with the details to make sure they are done properly. It's time to reach out and go get what I need for my life and my health and quit avoiding, best I can, the things that I don't want to have to do but that I know I need to do if I'm going to launch into the next phase of my development and my impact on the world.

I want to make an impact. I'm okay with it being subtle (though knowing me, I'll probably be a bit brash and loud about it instead) and I'm okay with being small-scale.
For now.

Taking care of business is what I can do right now. Bringing Quality and Commitment to whatever I choose to spend my energies on. What I realized this morning, is that means, if I'm being a housewife, to take care of things as best I can, and don't put it off till tomorrow. If I'm being a student, same thing. If I'm jobhunting, same thing. (sensing a trend here? Yes, I procrastinate)

I need to use available tools to help me stay on track, motivated, on top of things, and to complete quality work. To quote a certain famous Hindu, I need to be the change I wish to see in the world. And let what doesn't matter, fall away.

I think I better go. I have work to do.

Question:

Jan. 11th, 2009 07:12 pm
labelleizzy: (geek new black)
How many geek points do I earn if I was mentally composing my Livejournal entry about a date within 5 minutes of starting to drive home from it?

*grinning*
labelleizzy: (Do it)
Here is me testing a new-for-me technique of blogging. Of communicating, and of political activism.



I believe Naomi Wolf is right.
I believe that the window of opportunity is closing, and that we, ALL OF US, will have to push to keep it open.
I believe that we have to ratchet up our efforts to protect our democracy and our own safety.

I believe that this country's Founders meant for all of us to stand up and protect government for the people, BY the people, if it is ever threatened.

Am I scared to speak out like this?

Hell yes.

but I remember the quote by Martin Niemoller:

"In Germany they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up."

this is me, worried.

Watch the video. Thank you, Cherilyn, for pointing me in this direction, and for helping me wake up.

Elections are coming up.
Please pay attention. I will be trying to, also.
labelleizzy: (book)
Thanks to my friend Panther who owns a share in, I believe, The Other Change Of Hobbit, I have a shelf of books I wouldn't ordinarily read. He let me go through his advance copies when I visited him on his Life Day in April.

Tonight I was looking for something to engage. I checked the shelf and found The Knitting Circle, a book whose opening page had hooked me into snagging the book from Panther's book-pile and taking it home with me.

Been awhile since I got grabbed by the throat by a book and couldn't get it to let me go. And I say that advisedly, since I just finished Stardust by Neil Gaiman. (BTW, if there are any fans inclined to do so, Wikipedia plot summary for Stardust wants editing, reads like it was written by a gifted 14 year old).

The Knitting Circle is wonderful. Highly recommended, and you don't have to be a knitter! Just be someone who understands that everyone has their own stories, their own unhealed scars, their own way of getting thru and past the pain again.

If anybody local wants to borrow this book, ping me here. I'd love to hear what someone else thinks.
labelleizzy: (Default)
LEARN, FORGET, RELEARN!

This is the Pattern! Until you really internalize it, make the knowledge a real part of you!

My struggles to learn about my relationship patterns mirror a time in high school when I struggled to learn the meaning of the word EPIPHANY. I had to look that word up in the dictionary every time I ran across it - must have been 5 or 6 times, had a little A-HA moment each time. At some point, I actually GOT it.
Ironic, huh?
It's also like a few minutes ago, when I tried to stretch my tight hamstring which was kinking up my lower back (again). By working the muscle isometrically (holding the leg static while tensing the muscle strongly and repeatedly) the pain and stiffness goes away. This worked better than a long walk, much better than a static stretch. And I know I've done this before, probably done it many times.

I had a habit of falling into manipulative and somewhat abusive relationships (not all of my relationships were like this, just about half) because they were familiar and comfortable as long as I refused to think about what was really going on, or what I really needed and wanted...

Perhaps, as they say, you cannot unlearn what has been learned.
But, you can sometimes, (I seem to have done so repeatedly) forget that you knew a thing, for months or even years at a time.

Reviewing records and career files yesterday: I knew in 1992 (wrote an essay) that I wanted, needed to be in an environment with supportive, positive coworkers, lots of people contact, working for an organization whose mission I can really get behind with all my heart.

So then, during my most recent two jobhunts (last late-summer and fall, and now) I've spent HOW much time, taking tests, and journalling, to find out the same exact results.
AGAIN.

AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!

"Already knowing" something is no use at all, if you can't pull it out of storage, activate it, and make it useful.

But now I've seen the pattern and I can try to keep aware.
labelleizzy: (nanowrimo)
...sometimes I think I am a freak for taking pleasure in things no one else talks about.
... sometimes i think i am a child for taking pleasure in things that are "too simple."

* beautiful blue skies and crisp fresh air
* a dandelion in flower, growing up thru the sidewalk cracks...
* clean ears after a shower or bath (yay Q-tips!)
* eating really good food when I'm really hungry
* being busy or engrossed in something really cool to the extent that I forget to eat....
* swimming, jacuzzi, floating, feeling my hair spread out in the water...
* dancing along in my house with a favorite radio song, and feeling that I somehow have "nailed it" - I dunno, moving just with the rhythm, using muscles I don't usually use...
* a much needed haircut - great satisfaction in this
* saying something that makes a friend grin, who I don't see often enough to really KNOW what makes them grin...
* completion of a small but necessary task
* cuddles & great conversation
* laughing till my ribs hurt or I'm gasping for breath
* making someone else laugh uncontrollably
* a wicked, flirty smile (mine or someone else's)
* being "in the zone" while freeway driving - utterly aware of other drivers' patterns, and even anticipating trouble... (thank you, Hermes!)
* good hair days (ok, sometimes I'm a little shallow)
* sunlight shading green through late-afternoon sun-dappled branches...
* a long, close hug where you trust the person enough to lay your head on their chest, or on top of their head, and leave it there for awhile...

... and there's so much more!
But, I have a date with a friend for a tutorial on MS Office Suite, and I'm gonna go do that thing.

Ok, on the job front, have applied to 2 jobs at UCDavis, have to review the other 5 for due-dates and requirements, and have to mail hard copy of the second UCDavis app with my resume, today.

Thanks to everyone who has been offering support and commentary. It makes me feel not-so-alone in the jobhunting challenge.

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